Breakdown ?

[KICKSTART]

I think im on the verge of a breakdown and dont know what to do, i posted earlier about my family not understanding anything ..well today just got worse. I rang my mum to see if she had been to the doctors and she has. So i asked her then why did she not tell my brother she was ill yesterday , yet it was the first thing she told me..i didnt get an answer.I then said i hoped my brother was puling his weight instead of sat on his backside like usual and i got told to stop it , she wasnt up to it. So i said some straight talking is needed here , why does she run round after a grown man like he was 12? The answer ..im the mother ..my brother is in his 30's. But also i confided in my brother last night that i was getting the brunt of it from my mother and he has only been and told her all i confided in him ..so you can imagine how i feel. My brother can do no wrong , yet here i am with all this going on , illness, divorce , waiting to move , stressed out and still used as a dumping ground for my family. I cant stop crying , i feel so alone, i have no one to turn to or lean on , i think im on the verge of a breakdown to be honest.I've just had enough.Im not looking for answers from you guys , but i needed to put it in words cause i have no one to talk too.

[kitkatz]

 

There is nothing I can say to make it better for you. Just that I do understand.

[Amanda From OZ]

I;m really sad to hear about your family troubles, like kit said there is nothing really i can say to make the situation better, other then there is so many ppl on here that care.

Thinking of you

Amanda

 

[KICKSTART]

I am trying so hard to stay positive , but i cant do this on my own , so i have rung the renal unit and asked if they can find me a councillor and i have also managed to find a local support group , so i have emailed them for some info , but right now i feel so overwhelmed .

[Sluff]

Kickstart please understand that I say what I'm going to say out of love and you can take my advice or tell me to shove it, but here it goes.

Although you seek the loving support and are not getting it, and I understand this fully believe me, You are a grown woman and if you are not getting what you need then don't give what you don't have. Meaning: Some people only drain the emotional resources that we have, when they aren't given back, it only depletes what you have. I would cut off communication with the family for awhile and just keep them in the loop in case of an emergency. We offer as much understanding and support as we can here at IHD. You need to take time for you, whether it's a self help book, a day at a beach to just relax or a spa. When things get this bad drastic measures must be taken or it will only get worse. There is a lot of self help books out there.

[lola]

  I agree 100% with Sluff you need to take care of YOU

[willieandwinnie]

Right on Sluff, I haven't had contact with my family since I was 11 years old. They have phoned when they have needed help and I have told them I have nothing to give. Families are suppose to help EACH OTHER, not just use. That's my  .

KICKSTART, take a couple of steps back for yourself. Go see a counselor, by all means, I pray who ever it is, will make you see that you are being emotionally abused. Take care and keep us posted. We all care. 

[Psim]

Thinking of you gal. Families can be the very hardest. It sounds like you're figuring out good things to do though -- venting here, finding a counsellor, etc. You are a strong person, you will get through this. But meantime it sucks.

[devon]

in the "for what it's worth" department.... here's something that helped me get thru a similar experience...

Going to my mother for support is like going to a hardware store for milk.

Once I got it thru my head that I was in the wrong store, things got much easier and better for me. Mom (and I love her dearly) is just not prepared and equipted to give me the support I need when I need it. If I was going to get what I needed, I had to find some others who can give me what I need.

I believe you're heading in the right direction by going to someone else. Keep mom in the cycle, but don't expect anything from her.

I hope that was helpful

-Devon

[KICKSTART]

I cant thank you guys enough , yes everything you all say makes sense . The hardest thing i have to deal with is  if i dont stay in contact with my family and all they throw at me , then im totally alone in every situation. If i try to put some distance between us till i fell better to cope , my mother will take it as a fall out. For her its all or nothing im afraid and there is now way i can calmly discuss it without being put on a complete guilt trip and made to be the villan of it all. Like today and why she so protects my brother. I think a councillor maybe the way forward for me. Sorry for being a pain in the A*** guys when you all have so many problems of your own. Thankyou more than words can say for taking time out to help me with mine 

[MyssAnne]

KS,

BE a pain in the &ss.  That's what we are here for, to support one another. You need it, you ask for it, we'll give it to you!!!
This is a VERY stressful time for you. You've got a lot going on, no wonder you feel as if you're about to have a breakdown!
Give yourself credit for being as strong as you have been, for going on as long as you have! Now, Come in there and sit down
and just let it out, or PM someone here you trust and let it out that way.  But NEVER feel that you are a pain in the &SS!!!!

We love you, KS!! 

 

[Sluff]

Maybe later on in your counseling Mom could join in but for now you do whats best for you. 


Devon you ROCK!!

[Romona]

We love you and you are not a pain anywhere. I just had a family member make a comment that she did so much for me, but didn't think I would do the same for her. How she forgets what I already have done. You go ahead and rant. That's why we are here
Take care of yourself! 

[KICKSTART]

I can cope with the lack of support from them , what i cant cope with is them expecting me to shoulder their problems as well. I cant believe my brother betrayed me and how my mum defends him.
Sluff , there is no chance my mum going to a councillor with me , her get out clause (turning on the waterworks)wouldnt work and that would mean having to face issues instead of running away.In fact i doubt if my family think anyone has a problem ..only me.

[Joe Paul]

Good luck to you.

[2_DallasCowboys]

Kickstart,

You need to just concentrate on yourself rite
now, and not any other person- whether it be
your Mom, brothers, whoever.  The only person
important you to at this time is you alone!
I hope there is a good social worker at your unit-
they can be immensely helpful.
I can understand how you feel- I did have a breakdown,
and I do know how it feels.  Try to convince yourself
that you and you alone are what is important- I know
it is not easy, you sound like a big hearted person, but
you have nothing to give rite now and must take care
of YOU!  I do hope social worker can point you in the
rite direction- but always remember this website is a
wonderful support group, many people here care for
you!
I am saying a prayer that you can calm down and relax!

Anne

[rose1999]

Kickstart.  We love you and we are here for you but PLEASE think about ringing the Samaritans NOW - 08457 909090.  They will listen, not judge and it will help you get it out of your system. You don't need to be suicidal, just in need of someone to listen. I KNOW they will help you as I have a friend who is one in Herefordshire.  Counselling will help but you may have to wait, in the meantime please, please ring them. And please keep posting to let us know how you are.     I wish I could offer to talk you through this but it's the anniversary of my husband's death this week and it's all I can do to hold myself together.  I oculd wellpush you over the edge  .  Please take care of yourself.

[Sunny]

 I really feel for you. Mom's are not always the best qualified people for listenig. If you are going through a divorce, along with everything else in your life, these are very stressful times for you. Maybe take a small break from the family. Finding a counselor or therapist to talk to will be of great help ( it helped me). When you feel strong again, it seems you have every right to talk to your Mom about how you are feeling. Let her know how hard things are for you right now and that you could use a little emotional support from her. I'm hoping she isn't completely selfish and can give you a little something that you need.
Hang in there and be well.

[jbeany]

One of my New Year's Resolution's this year was to repeat the following words to myself on a regular basis - "I can not change my family.  I can not change my family."  It helps a little.  My only approach when they start harping at me about one another is to become completely passive.  I nod, "ummmhmmm", and do nothing at all about the complaints.  They still drive me a bit crazy, but making a point of not responding lessens the pressure. 

I hope the councilor helps - it's good to have someone to talk to who isn't in the middle of it all.

I watched a comedian on TV the other day who did a whole spiel about how he loves his parents, but if he met them at a party, he wouldn't want to talk to them.  I can relate! 

 

[st789]

Take it easy and take care.

[Ohio Buckeye]

I'm sorry you are going through all this stress KS.
I hope you can take some deep breaths and relax and do something that you enjoy.
I think talking with the counselor is a good idea.
The support group sounds good also.
Will be thinking about you and praying that you will have calm, peace and joy in your life.

[KICKSTART]

Rose 1999 ..god bless you and thankyou for taking the trouble to post on here at this awful time .

Just to update everyone , i havent heard from a councillor today but the lady from the local support group has rung and although we didnt manage to chat tonight we are meeting for coffee tommorow , its my intention to join the group now i have found them and hopefully make some friends. Tonight im on one big guilt trip , which is nothing new for me, i shouldnt feel like this because i stood up for myself , but my mum has perfected the art of making me feel selfish and guilty.I think i need to sleep now to escape for a while and then see what tommorow brings. Thankyou my wonderful friends you have saved me tonight.

[angellady07]

It's great that you are standing up for yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel that's wrong. You must put yourself first and do what makes you happy. I hope you find comfort in the support group. Take care. 

[Ohio Buckeye]

I'm hope you make some good friends from the support group so you don't feel so alone.
You have us anytime you need us but sometimes it is just good to have someone to talk to face=to-face.
Best wishes to you KS.  I will be thinking about you and praying for you.

[Wattle]

Going to my mother for support is like going to a hardware store for milk.

Keep mom in the cycle, but don't expect anything from her.

This says it exactly how it is. Try not to confide or discuss your health issues with your brother or your mother KS. The truth is they just can't handle the problems that come with renal failure. And they don't seem too interested in learning! A support group is a great idea. I am sure you will find a wonderful group of people that will be far more understanding of your problems.
Keep your mum in the loop, just be selective to what you tell her.