you can't help feeling the way you do. it's normal. i'm sure everybody here has had the same thoughts once in awhile. i don't think anybody here pitys anyone, but there sure is alot of empathy. we are a family. the more you read the posts of others that were where you are now, the less fear you will have. education is the key, learn all you can about dialysis and transplantation. as far as freedom, i think that all depends on weather you do in-center hemo dialysis, at home dialysis, or get a transplant. good luck.
I don't want to get into confession just yet but I have lived in a sate of denial for quite a while. Even though I know what I am supposed to be doing, I have been doing/eating whatever I wanted for years without regard to my condition. I know that has got to change to try and preserve what kidney function I have left and if and when I do start dialysis.