You might be a dialysis patient if...............

[sandman]

You might be (married) to a dialysis patient if........................................

The first thing anyone says to you is, "Hi, how is Heph doing?" Followed by a 15 minute conversation in which they prove they know absolutely nothing about ESRD or dialysis and make a fool of themselves by 'trying' to be knowledgeable about it, then throw in at the end, "Oh, and how are you?" Walking off before you have time to even lie and say "OK!"

I am not married ( at least, not yet ) but I am already experiencing something like this.

[angieskidney]

You might be a dialysis patient if...............

..... if you are in a group talking about how you used to be able to pee and what colour it was

[thom]

You might be a dialysis patient if you ask for a small water at Oktoberfest.

[BigSky]

You might be a dialysis patient if.....

You buy prepackaged food and realize due to diet restrictions the only thing you will be eating is the cardboard box it comes in, and even then you will probably have to take an extra binder.

[angieskidney]

You might be a dialysis patient if...............

..... you can be heard at a restaurant saying that you need to take your binder .. and you are not talking about some book with 3 metal rings..

[kitkatz]

....you adjust your vacation plans around the dialysis center.
...you wake up and decide what to do based on what day it is. If it is a treatment day you will not stray toofar from home.  Any other day the sky is the limit!
...you wake up and check your access first thing.
...all you want to do on vacation days is sleep in (wait a minute that happens on work days, too.).

[jbeany]

. . .when you wake up in the middle of the night with an itch, you lie awake mentally reviewing your meals for the last two days.

I did this last night.  I couldn't figure out what I could have eaten that would be making me itchy, since I've been very good about watching my diet and taking my binder lately.

Then I got up and found out I was scratching at a couple of bug bites. 

[kitkatz]

when everything that makes you itch makes you think you have some awful symptom you never had before because of the dialysis you are on!

[okarol]

You might be a dialysis patient if...............

          you can weigh yourself in front of 10 people without a second thought.

          you'd rather sleep than anything else.

[susie q]

You might be a dialysis patient if...

you never type pmsl in chat forums....
(pissing myself laughing).   

[angieskidney]

You might be a dialysis patient if...

you never type pmsl in chat forums....
(pissing myself laughing).   

ROFL!

[jbeany]

. . . when someone asks for a cold pack for a injury, you can just hold your hands on the bump.

It's "Cold Hands, Warm Heart, Bad Kidneys!"   

[kitkatz]

Jbeany, go put that in the T-shirt section!

[angieskidney]

When your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk or a whole pizza with extra cheese

[sandman]

When your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk or a whole pizza with extra cheese

Actually, extra cheese pizza can be said to be bad for anyone.  The fat and cholesterol alone is enough to kill a horse. 

[angieskidney]

When your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk or a whole pizza with extra cheese

Actually, extra cheese pizza can be said to be bad for anyone.  The fat and cholesterol alone is enough to kill a horse. 

How did I KNOW you would say that

Ok .. You might be a dialysis patient if............... when your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk with something with cheese on Whole Wheat bread

[Epoman]

When your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk or a whole pizza with extra cheese

Actually, extra cheese pizza can be said to be bad for anyone.  The fat and cholesterol alone is enough to kill a horse. 

How did I KNOW you would say that

Ok .. You might be a dialysis patient if............... when your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk with something with cheese on Whole Wheat bread

Oh man, it's like you guys are ALREADY married. 

[sandman]

Oh man, it's like you guys are ALREADY married. 

What can I say?  Two great minds think alike. 

[angieskidney]

I'm honestly amazed Jeff can put up with me .. especially on my "bad days"

I get defensive, combative, insulting, berating, and one week of every month I turn into a bitchy monster from hell that everyone should stay away from lol (by the way that is this week so if I say anything bad or get defensive don't take it personally lol   )

You might be a dialysis patient if............... you find your dialysis chair the most uncomfortable thing in the world yet can't get out of it for hours ..

[nextnoel]

You might be a dialysis patient if . . . you can buy those neat jeans with the button fly, because you'll never be in a hurry to get them unbuttoned!

[goofynina]

You have to be a dialysis patient if when you are laughing with your best friends and having a good ol' time and one of them says "I think i peed my pants"   (and you get jealous)  lol

yep yep yep yep,  i am a dialysis patient allrighty 

[jbeany]

. .  your first coherent thought after falling down icy steps isn't "Am I bleeding?" or "Did I break any bones?", it's "Is my access still working?"

[kitkatz]

...you wake up every single morning and check your access first thing!
...you qualify for the Mercedes and room with a view at the local hospital.
....they are going to name a wing after you at the dialysis center, after all your medical bills paid for it after all these years!
....they know to get you a comfortable chair before you arrive at the unit for your spot.
.... staff knows your car by sight and gets things ready for you as you are coming up the stairs.

[Joe Paul]

. .  your first coherent thought after falling down icy steps isn't "Am I bleeding?" or "Did I break any bones?", it's "Is my access still working?"

Looks painful, hope you are ok.

[virrat]

You might be a MALE dialysis patient if......


....your toilet seat has not been lifted since the 1990s (well except to clean) ; - >


You might be a dialysis patient if....

...you get excited about a hemoglobin of 100 and then celebrate by mooching a nibble of chocolate from your spouse
...your idea of cheating involves having a high potassium food a couple of hours before your exchange knowing the machine will cover your tracks
...you secretly enjoy correcting over eager residents who are new to the dialysis unit
...you use your dialysis diet to your advantage so as to avoid foods you do not want to eat by stating, "Sorry that's not on my diet.  It has too much phosphorus/potassium"