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Author Topic: You might be a dialysis patient if...............  (Read 59641 times)
shay_pcb
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« Reply #100 on: January 15, 2007, 02:06:48 PM »
You might be a dialysis patient if...you understand all these jokes!

I was reading them to my sister and lmao, and she didn't understand why!!  :D
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kitkatz
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« Reply #101 on: January 16, 2007, 09:21:18 PM »

...if the transplant coordinators phone number is the only phone number post it noted to your desk top at home and it is near the phone at work, too.
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
BigSky
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« Reply #102 on: January 17, 2007, 08:40:47 AM »
You might be a dialysis patient if.....


You include the dialysis machine in the family portrait.   ;D
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aharris2
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Volcan Pacaya, Guatemala
« Reply #103 on: January 18, 2007, 02:55:24 PM »
you might be a dialysis patient if...

instead of saving room for dessert, you save room for your binders  :lol;

rolando

you have become really really adept at multiplying by 2.2  :-\

alene
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Life is like a box of chocolates...the more you eat the messier it gets - Epofriend

Epofriend - April 7, 1963 - May 24, 2013
My dear Rolando, I miss you so much!
Rest in peace my dear brother...
Bajanne
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Goofynina and Epoman - Gone But Not Forgotten

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« Reply #104 on: February 16, 2007, 01:41:43 AM »
Quote from: aharris2 on January 18, 2007, 02:55:24 PM
you might be a dialysis patient if...

instead of saving room for dessert, you save room for your binders  :lol;

rolando

you have become really really adept at multiplying by 2.2  :-\

alene

I like those! :rofl;
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"To be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own ...but that which is based on faith"



I LOVE  my IHD family! :grouphug;
renal30yrs
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« Reply #105 on: February 16, 2007, 03:09:15 AM »
You might be a dialysis patient if................


You agree most of the things said on this site plus even think about spending a time on such a site!
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kitkatz
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« Reply #106 on: February 16, 2007, 09:41:06 PM »
you run your weekly schedule by the dialysis schedule first, then make other appointment.

you hate to go to other medical appointments during the week.
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
BigSky
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« Reply #107 on: February 17, 2007, 03:24:11 PM »
You might be a dialysis patient if...

You do not know the actual date, you just know either it is a dialysis day or it is not a dialysis day.
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Adam_W
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« Reply #108 on: March 19, 2007, 06:17:51 PM »
You might be a dialysis patient if you start thinking of urination as "natural UF".
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-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
kitkatz
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« Reply #109 on: March 20, 2007, 01:49:39 PM »
You might be a dialysis patient if life was pretty normal before, but now....
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
jbeany
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« Reply #110 on: March 20, 2007, 04:46:14 PM »
. . . if you mark time in BD and AD - Before Dialysis and After Dialysis.
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"Asbestos Gelos"  (As-bes-tos yay-lohs) Greek. Literally, "fireproof laughter".  A term used by Homer for invincible laughter in the face of death and mortality.
okarol
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« Reply #111 on: September 06, 2007, 04:41:18 PM »

You get a "Hello Kidney" tattoo!

 :secret; ...anyone we know?
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
thegrammalady
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« Reply #112 on: September 06, 2007, 04:44:36 PM »
Quote from: okarol on September 06, 2007, 04:41:18 PM

You get a "Hello Kidney" tattoo!

 :secret; ...anyone we know?

i want a 'hello kidney" t-shirt i don't do needles.
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s
......................................................................................
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Meddle Not In The Affairs Of Dragons
For You Are Crunchy And Taste Good With Ketchup
kitkatz
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« Reply #113 on: October 02, 2007, 07:01:53 PM »
...you plan your entire vacation around the IHD.com event taking place in Las Vegas.

...you motorcycle halfway across the U.S. to meet some crazy people you only know on line.

Love Ya Sluff!
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius
« Reply #114 on: October 02, 2007, 08:52:22 PM »
You might be a dialysis patient if you occasionally spend your free time browsing the medical supply aisle of your local pharmacy or medical supply and equipment websites. (I'm guilty of this)

Adam
Logged
-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
kitkatz
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« Reply #115 on: October 02, 2007, 09:59:36 PM »
...you go to Walgreens to buy ice because they have the best eating ice in town. The kind that crunches instead of breaking your teeth.  And you know this because you have tried all the ice in town already. AND you only buy ice, nothing else!
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
angela515
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i am awesome.
« Reply #116 on: October 02, 2007, 10:27:08 PM »
You might be a transplant patient if.... you are hoping to never see a dialysis machine ever again in your life!!!  ;D
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Live Donor Transplant From My Mom 12/14/1999
Perfect Match (6 of 6) Cadaver Transplant On 1/14/2007
okarol
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Photo is Jenna - after Disneyland - 1988

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« Reply #117 on: October 02, 2007, 10:58:02 PM »
You might be a dialysis patient if...............

You wish you had a Lazy-Boy with heat and massage.
Logged

Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
goofynina
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He is the love of my life......
« Reply #118 on: October 03, 2007, 11:36:12 AM »
Quote from: okarol on October 02, 2007, 10:58:02 PM
You might be a dialysis patient if...............

You wish you had a Lazy-Boy with heat and massage.


Hmmmm, does a Lazy-Man count??  lol, hey, what can i say, he gives good massages though :P ;)  (and no comment about the heat)  ::)
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....and i think to myself, what a wonderful world....

www.kidneyoogle.com
myricle child
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« Reply #119 on: November 02, 2007, 03:06:08 PM »
...if ice is your favorite snack!
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You lookin 4  myricle? Here I am!
myricle child
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« Reply #120 on: November 02, 2007, 03:12:23 PM »
...if sleeping is sometimes the highlight of your day and no one understands why!

...if you think phosphorus is the best meal ever!

...if you're a size 2 like me and on off treatment days  (for the black girls) i feel "thick", with a big butt and hips. lol

...if you think a single drop of urine is a miricle (and you think theres hope that your kidneys will kick back in.)

...on m-w-f, or- t-t-s are considered "goin to work".

oh gosh. how many can i think of! i have like 13 years worth of jokes!
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You lookin 4  myricle? Here I am!
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius
« Reply #121 on: March 18, 2008, 09:54:29 PM »
You might be a (hemo) dialysis patient if your laptop computer has a blood stain on the top of it and you think nothing of it (Yup, I'm a hemodialysis patient, alright).

Adam
Logged
-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
kitkatz
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« Reply #122 on: March 18, 2008, 10:07:16 PM »
the fact that there is blood on Adam's computer does not bother you and all you can think of is to tell him "They make Clorox wipes ya know. It will clean that right up!"
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
mysty
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I'm here.. for us.
« Reply #123 on: March 19, 2008, 03:59:37 AM »
Can I jump in here?  *grins*  Newbie at this but found a few things out since I started dating Keith.

Might be a dialysis patient's girlfriend..

If you think "wow! the toilet seat really does stay down" when you don't fall into it in the middle of the night!

You know he likes the lazy boy for comfort and your mind goes to the gutter with other ideas for it! :shy;

You reschedule your sleep time to match your honey's so you can be with him and not be cranky..(and I can get cranky if I don't get enough sleep!)

You take advantage of his naps to get things done while he sleeps.

You learn there are different types of ice chips!

You learn what dry weight is, how to convert to kilo's, read the food and recepie section, learn what each med is for.

You catch yourself moaning about a simple pain and realize its silly.

You time him and know exactly how many spoonfulls of ice cream you can eat right out of the container before he's done with his bath/shower..
(but the taste on your lips give you away!!!!- )

You consider not replacing your motorcycle that has seen better days cause the IHD gang is watching and waiting knowing you are a card carrying donor and on the bone marrow registry.  YIKES!!!!!!!!!! :rofl;
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Love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
KT0930
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« Reply #124 on: March 19, 2008, 07:04:00 AM »
You see an advertisment for a counter-top ice chip machine and think, "I gotta get me one of those!"
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"Dialysis ain't for sissies" ~My wonderful husband
~~~~~~~
I received a 6 out of 6 antigen match transplant on January 9, 2008. Third transplant, first time on The List.
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