Reacting to food monitoring by your family/friends

[Chicken Little]

I do appreciate when someone makes something kidney/diabetes friendly for me at a gathering or my hubby pulls my portions aside before salting his, but I get so irritated when people around me try to police what I choose to eat. 

I know what I should and shouldn't eat.  I have a flipping degree in Nutrition and Chemistry of Foods.  I don't need to be reminded that it's bad for me.   

What is it about having an illness that makes people think it's appropriate to treat me like a child?   

[glitter]

I agree giving unsolicited diet advice is rude as hell, some people just have to stick there noses where they don't belong.  My husband usually snaps at people 'My labs are fine!'  People think they do it out of consideration for your health and well-being....Truth of the matter is - they are just minding your business instead of their own!!! Food Police for Pete's sake!!  Its amazing I lived this long without all your helpful advice!!

[Roxy]

It is nice for people to be aware but not to nit pick and monitor everything that goes into my mouth. Even being post-transplant I have to adjust my food depending on my labs, and whether my family and friends believes it or not, yes I am quite capable of monitoring my food intake and paying attention to what I eat. It's almost like having to defend every bite of food that goes into my mouth and explain "why" it's okay to eat what I am eating. So Glitter and Chicken Little, I completely understand where you are coming from!

[kitkatz]

When I git nit-picked I tend to go hog wild in what I eat. Leave me the hell alone, I say!  I been living with this disease eight and a half years. I should know about it by now!

[Roxy]

Ya, If I'm going to be nit-picked for everything I eat, I might as well be eating everything unhealthy for me that there is. That way at least I'm getting nit-picked for a good reason.

[jbeany]

My usual response these days is to point back at their plate and ask them if they should be eating the salty/fatty/sugary things on it.  Shuts them up in a hurry.

[MyssAnne]

Jbeany, I like that!!! That would shut up a lot of people who monitor me!!!  Although very few actually do say anything any more.
They do ask, what is your restriction? I'll tell them. I also say it doesn't mean I can't have it at all, just be very careful how I have
it and when, etc.!

[tweetykiss]

Uh Oh.....I guess I better not give advice on here but I only care about others and I love all of you.......Yes I do watch every bite my husband takes......it is just out of love....

[glitter]

I love my husband very much- but hey- we are all adults here. I know he knows what he should and should not eat. I also know life has to be bearable to want it to continue.  Almost anything can be made to fit into any food plan- in moderation and  on occasion. you just cut back in other ways so you can have a bite or two of things that are taboo. He has asked me to work a bannanna a week and a peanut butter sandwhich a week into his diet- it IS possible. My husbands labs are consistently excellent.

[tweetykiss]

but hey- we are all adults here.

I promise not to police anyone's food on this site.....  sorry if anyone took offense....

[George Jung]

Uh Oh.....I guess I better not give advice on here but I only care about others and I love all of you.......Yes I do watch every bite my husband takes......it is just out of love....

So how else do you help with the diet?  Do you eat the same things or at least similar?  Have you given up things you like but he is "not allowed" to have.  Do you not buy something at the market because you know you shouldn't have it in the house or he will be tempted?  

Everyone is a bit different but my labs are perfect (no exaggeration) and I have not completely eliminated anything from my diet.  I would loose my mind if someone was watching over my shoulder all of the time, it's completely unnecessary.

[jbeany]

tweety and glitter, it's one thing for you two, who are both monitoring your husbands and presumably are primarily responsible for the cooking and grocery shopping, and another for some acquaintance you run into at a potluck to start badgering you about a diet they know nothing about.  They certainly aren't doing it because they care - they are just being nosy and enjoying feeling superior.  I don't need anyone to find fault with me; I can do that for myself quite well, thank you!

[Chicken Little]

Uh Oh.....I guess I better not give advice on here but I only care about others and I love all of you.......Yes I do watch every bite my husband takes......it is just out of love....

How does your hubby feel about it?  He may appreciate it, but have you asked him?  To me it feels a bit like having to be accountable to a parent.  And I wasn't good at that as a child either.  

[glitter]

tweety and glitter, it's one thing for you two, who are both monitoring your husbands and presumably are primarily responsible for the cooking and grocery shopping, and another for some acquaintance you run into at a potluck to start badgering you about a diet they know nothing about.  They certainly aren't doing it because they care - they are just being nosy and enjoying feeling superior.  I don't need anyone to find fault with me; I can do that for myself quite well, thank you!

I appreciate that it is kind-of our responsibility    and he does not take offense with me-

So how else do you help with the diet?  Do you eat the same things or at least similar?  Have you given up things you like but he is "not allowed" to have.  Do you not buy something at the market because you know you shouldn't have it in the house or he will be tempted?  

Everyone is a bit different but my labs are perfect (no exaggeration) and I have not completely eliminated anything from my diet.  I would loose my mind if someone was watching over my shoulder all of the time, it's completely unnecessary

I just incorporate everyones needs into the meal- it isn't hard for me to give my husband a bit more meat and rice and less in size salads and veggies, then give me and the girls larger salads and veggies, Quitting salt was good for all of us. We do eat whole grains- but he eats grits and prefers white toast, so that is easy. I only use the lower potassium veggies for my homemade soups- which we all eat. I would have to say, since it is in all our best interests to eat healthier then we were before kidney issues, with that mindset it has become easier. I do not buy things he can't have -UNLESS its something we need for good health,(like tomatoes and melons) and then I always make sure there is something for him (like plums or pineapple) We all eat eggs and plenty of them-I keep a bag of boiled and peeled around for everyone to snack on-with or without yolks  This way I don't have to watch over his shoulder- there are plenty of options for him to make Wise choices- I try not to over mother him. I want him to feel in control of his own life. Its very empowering.  sorry if this went of subject

BUT when some busybody questions his food and beverage choices with no clue at all- This woman gets very pissy.

[tweetykiss]

So how else do you help with the diet?  Do you eat the same things or at least similar?  Have you given up things you like but he is "not allowed" to have.  Do you not buy something at the market because you know you shouldn't have it in the house or he will be tempted? 

Everyone is a bit different but my labs are perfect (no exaggeration) and I have not completely eliminated anything from my diet.  I would loose my mind if someone was watching over my shoulder all of the time, it's completely unnecessary.

Good point you brought up...since he is where he knows it is either dialysis or no dialysis, he knows it is critical he follows the diet and he always used mayo and mustard on sandwiches but he won't anymore since he does not want to take the chance....now I don't order pizza for myself since he admitted it will be too tempting so yes certain things I will give up like ordering pizza....he knows he can only have oil and vinegar on salads so he complies and lets me use what I want since I don't like oil and vinegar.....but if transplant time comes ( I will donate one of mine to him), I will change my diet radically so that he can get a good kidney...I don't even have my weekend beers anymore....I was also told to give up smoking and I intend to but certain people in my offline life are giving me a bunch of grief so I am stressed to the max and that is why I smoke...now I don't keep chocolates in the house or have any McDonalds, or Burger King or even fried chicken even if that is the only way I will ever eat chicken other than transplant time (yes that is when I will have his diet), but I am not eating chicken right now since he cannot have fried chicken so I just give him baked chicken breasts, (I hate them things too but will have them at transplant time), and I give him fish........he won't touch the canned food but someone has to eat it so might as well be me so as not to go to waste.....if you have more questions on this, please ask..... 

Like I stated he understands this is a matter of going on dialysis or not going on it so he is very compliant on the food thing.....

tweety and glitter, it's one thing for you two, who are both monitoring your husbands and presumably are primarily responsible for the cooking and grocery shopping, and another for some acquaintance you run into at a potluck to start badgering you about a diet they know nothing about.  They certainly aren't doing it because they care - they are just being nosy and enjoying feeling superior.  I don't need anyone to find fault with me; I can do that for myself quite well, thank you!

I made a promise as far as not giving anyone on this board advice and I intend to keep it.... 

How does your hubby feel about it?  He may appreciate it, but have you asked him?  To me it feels a bit like having to be accountable to a parent.  And I wasn't good at that as a child either.   

Yes, he does appreciate it and his doctors are happy with it and even asked me the same thing.......he never complained about feeling like a child....

I understand your feelings too.....

[Bajanne]

I have a house full of cousins (3 of them are my age group) and they do treat me like a child.  Every bite, every sip is monitored.  They are only here for a couple of weeks (here for the graduation of my daughter and a cousin), so how am I going to survive when they are not here?

[kitkatz]

I tell people to "Buzz off" when they start in on my food choices.

[tweetykiss]

I tell people to "Buzz off" when they start in on my food choices.

Don't forget to use your stick......

[Danally]

I am guilty of monitoring my dads diet. Whenever I am with him, I am always watching what he eats. I do it out of love. I don't want him to hurt himself. He is a diabetic and I feel if he watched his diet, he wouldn't be in this situation. Sometimes people monitor your diet out of concern.

[kitkatz]

I tell people to "Buzz off" when they start in on my food choices.

Don't forget to use your stick......

Wham! Wham! Wham!   


God I hate it when people talk about dieting in front of me and I am digging into delicious meal.  Makes me feel guilty I guess.  If you are going to talk dieting do NOT do it while I am eating, for Pete's sake!

[tweetykiss]

I am guilty of monitoring my dads diet. Whenever I am with him, I am always watching what he eats. I do it out of love. I don't want him to hurt himself. He is a diabetic and I feel if he watched his diet, he wouldn't be in this situation. Sometimes people monitor your diet out of concern.

How does he react to you watching his diet?  I know you do it out of love since it is that way with my husband too.....

I tell people to "Buzz off" when they start in on my food choices.

Don't forget to use your stick......

Wham! Wham! Wham!   


God I hate it when people talk about dieting in front of me and I am digging into delicious meal.  Makes me feel guilty I guess.  If you are going to talk dieting do NOT do it while I am eating, for Pete's sake!

That is some stick and those were some hard hits....now I will sleep good tonight.....

[Danally]

I am guilty of monitoring my dads diet. Whenever I am with him, I am always watching what he eats. I do it out of love. I don't want him to hurt himself. He is a diabetic and I feel if he watched his diet, he wouldn't be in this situation. Sometimes people monitor your diet out of concern.

How does he react to you watching his diet?  I know you do it out of love since it is that way with my husband too.....

He would rather be left alone to eat what he wants. He deals with it. My mother is always monitoring his food so he is use to it. If we didn't monitor him, he would be worse off then he is now.






EDITED:Fixed quote tag error-kitkatz,moderator

[glitter]

I kinda look at it like this- if your choosing to be on dialysis instead of the other option- then your probably an adult. No -one likes to be made to feel they are doing something 'bad'- and I would not want to be put in a postion to have to explain my food choices, or any other choices I make. The minute I feel like I am being watched and second-guessed is the moment I wish that person would go away. I might think i have the right because I love my husband- but I really don't have the right to diminish him as a man, father. No-one knows better then him what has actually passed his lips, and what he can have, if he felt like he had to explain everything he ate- he would quickly resent me. You can't bully someone into being compliant.