Determined NOT to become depressed!

[lee7462]

I've been through those days (and weeks and months and years) when you just want to lay in bed all day and cry.  At many points I thought there was no way out and I wanted to end my life, but I could never do it.  I couldn't stand the thought of causing so much pain to family and friends, especially my parents who would do anything for me.  I know they would have blamed themselves.

It's been a couple of years since I've felt depressed like that, but now that I am getting closer and closer to dialysis, I feel the depression creeping back in very slowly.  I'm determined not to let it get to me this time.  I really believe that I can keep it at bay.

Do you know of anyone who is NOT depressed on dialysis?  Does it go hand in hand with dialysis?  What do you do to fight depression?

[kitkatz]

Depression pretty much comes and goes in waves around here.  A life threatening disease is a B**ch to deal with and dialysis adds to it with the food restrictions and fluid restrictions.  Hang on. We have been there!

[thegrammalady]

i have had days where nothing seems to be nothing better than staying in bed with the covers pulled up over my head. there is nothing quite so fine as being in the middle of the bed with all the pillows. if only someone would bring lunch. the problem, however, with hiding from the world is that the world eventually comes to the bottom of the bed and yells at you. everyone deals or doesn't deal with this disease in different ways. i keep moving. and keep reminding myself of the things i get to do rather than what i can't. but then i've always been this way. i've been accused of making mountains into mole hills. my daughter tells me i ignore the big pink elephant in the room. i say he has as much right to be here as i do. and as long as he cleans up his own mess he can stay. whatever, it works for me. but then my kids all know i'm crazy.  you are not alone.

[lee7462]

The way I see it, the chemical imbalances that lead to depression are due to our thoughts.  The chemical imbalance does not cause the negative thoughts, the negative thoughts cause the chemical imbalance.  For instance, if you are getting mugged, you will feel a rush of adrenaline.  That rush of adrenaline comes as a result of the thoughts of fear that you experience.  You don't become afraid from the adrenaline itself.  Get what I'm saying? 

I would also argue that we can choose what we think about.  The problem is that we tend to dwell on negative things in our default mode of thinking because it takes lots of energy to focus on positive things.  Since most of us suffer from low energy, it makes it difficult to "fight". 

Does this make sense? 

I'd like to know how you are able to maintain closer to normal energy levels.   I think this is a huge part of the depression that we all experience.

[RichardMEL]

Lee - I just read your intro and your situation I think would drive a lot to depression with your agreesive illness that has attacked a couple of transplanted kidneys now... I am not sure how I would deal with that... I'm trying to say I admire you!

At any rate I think we all have our down moments.. I had one a few weeks ago... silly things often set them off.. in my case my beloved football team got totally smashed and I think it was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.. Suddenly I felt very hopeless... and everything that was happening was negative and more kicks in the stomach... Some things more serious than the footy.... and I was down for 3-4 days and really not talking and feeling like "why bother?" but... I did snap myself out of it and got back to a more even keel.

it's difficult sometimes facing the situations we have to face and times when all seems gloomy.. I think that is quite normal... indeed I imagine most professionals dealing with us would perhaps think it an problem if we DIDN'T have times when we felt down or depressed... of course I am not talking about chronic depression which is a whole other (serious) issue...

Incidently my team still has not won a game all season! LOL

This week I swear... this week we will win!!! You are going DOWN Brisbane Lions!!

[Rerun]

Lee that is why I love this site.  I have my bad days here and therefore don't take it out on my dogs.  I can come here and feel sorry for myself and usually end up laughing at something someone writes.  I think you can have down times but you need to work through it and get it out so you can get on with your day.

I'm positive when life warrents it.  Going to dialysis every other day is not my idea of a good fulfilling life.......but, I do have my good days.

[anja]

  I feel that kidneys control so many functions in the body that when they don't work properly, nothing really does.  Yes, your mind can work wonders ~ in a positive OR negative manner, but some of this may just be due to the hormonal imbalances because of decreased or non-existant kidney function.  That is why the doctors prescribe many of the medications that we need to keep on an even keel.  Best of luck, lee7462, keep up the good fight!  (but don't be afraid to ask the doc. for a little help if needed)

[Wattle]

This week I swear... this week we will win!!! You are going DOWN Brisbane Lions!!

     

[Wattle]

I am with Rerun. This site has been a god send to me. I have had many bad days that have been eased by the words of others on this site.
I found the social worker at the unit to be condescending and didn't really know what I was talking about. I feel better talking to someone that is going through dialysis rather than having just read about it.   

[Lucinda]

I have had a lot go wrong with my health and the care I have received lately but when I have been able to get onto this site I have because this is the best anti-depressant on the market.  NO one is denying this is a tough road but whenever I feel like I might be falling into a depressed state, I get on here and Susie or Kit or Karol or anyone else with their fabulous sense of humour gets me back on track.  Ranting is the best way to get it out but once it is out, don't dwell on it, stuff it in a box and leave it there.  You'll feel better. 

[Joe Paul]

I have had a lot go wrong with my health and the care I have received lately but when I have been able to get onto this site I have because this is the best anti-depressant on the market.  NO one is denying this is a tough road but whenever I feel like I might be falling into a depressed state, I get on here and Susie or Kit or Karol or anyone else with their fabulous sense of humour gets me back on track.  Ranting is the best way to get it out but once it is out, don't dwell on it, stuff it in a box and leave it there.  You'll feel better. 

This advice is hard to beat, some of the best Ive heard   

[Ang]

read  your  intro  sounds  like  you've  been  thru  the  wars,all  i  can  suggest  is  to  find  something  that  gets  you  out  of  bed  each  day.for  me  its  my daughter(7)  and  my  wife.
if  you  can't  find  something  thats  doin  it  for  you,come  to  ihd,theres  always  someone  around  to  say  the  right  stuff  to  make  you  feel  better.

[KICKSTART]

Take one day at a time. Do something nice it doesnt have to cost money, take a walk ,read a while ,buy yourself a nice bunch of flowers! they always brighten me up ..hint hint ... Come here ,talk about how you feel , someone will give you words of wisdom!

[skyedogrocks]

I'm new here, but I can see how this disease would make anyone depressed.

My husband Rob has been a diabetic for over 20 years and developed kidney disease in Aug, 2005.  Since I have known him (7 years) he has been in the hospital at least once a year due to his diabetes and now his kidney disease.  He also had 5 catheters before his fistula finally matured.  He had another fistula put in his upper arm because the one he is using now tends to clot.  Just waiting for it to mature.  2 months ago, he developed osteomylitis for the 2nd time in his big toe.  It's a lot to deal with!

What has been beneficial to keep him from getting depressed is that I treat him the same as before he had kidney disease.  I don't treat him like he is about to die.  I love him immensely, but I still get on him when he hasn't picked up his laundry or leaves things lying around.  When he starts to feel depressed, I give him a verbal "kick in the butt".  I let him know how lucky he is to still be living, doing home dialysis, having a roof over our head, great friends, family and me.  I tell him he will get a new kidney and feel better.  Afterwards, he tells me thank you, he needed that.  

This may not work for everyone and it might seem harsh, but he has always wanted me to treat him the same and not different due to his diseases.  He does the same for me when I start feeling "whoa is me".  We are each other's rock and strangely enough, this disease has brought us even closer to each other.

Larraine

[okarol]

There are studies and clinical trials currently underway to study and hopefully help dialysis patients with depression.
Here's a clinical trial in the U.S. that is still seeking participants if anyone is interested.

Clinicaltrials.gov
Morbidity and Mortality Among Dialysis Patients After Treatment for Depression
This study is currently recruiting patients.
Verified by Portland VA Medical Center March 2007

go to --> http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct/show/NCT00442429;?order=31

[stauffenberg]

Lee's advice is the same as that offered by the Stoic philiosophers more than 2000 years ago, who said that "It is not the bad things that happen to you which make you sad, but your opinion of those bad things which causes sadness."  Most modern philosophers reject the Stoic perspective, however, since there are many things which are so bad that they force depressed feelings on the people experiencing them: these feelings are not really a matter of free choice for a sane person.  Depression is a perfectly normal response to terrible events, and studies have estimated the number of depressed dialysis patients at anywhere from 15% to 60% of the dialysis population.  If dialysis patients were not depressed with all they have to endure, they would have to be insane -- psychotically disconnected from the reality around them.

If you look at the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association, the 'Bible' of psychiatrists (now in its fourth edition), normal, 'healthy' depression is defined as a negative mood lasting for a short time in response to a negative event.  Mentally ill depression is distinguished as a long-term negative mood in reaction to some negative event.  But the idiots who wrote that manual seem to have suffered themselves from a severe deficiency of imagination, since they did not anticipate a third possibility, which is that there might be a kind of normal, 'healthy' depression which lasts forever because the negative event to which it responds also lasts forever -- like dialysis!

[meadowlandsnj]

Do you know of anyone who is NOT depressed on dialysis?  Does it go hand in hand with dialysis?  What do you do to fight depression?

It helps if you have something, anything to look forward to.  A movie coming out, a TV show, anything.....something to make you feel like holding on.  Also doing something for someone else makes me feel better.  You forget about your own troubles when you help out someone else.  My doctor once told me to volunteer in the hospital so I did that and it was great, gave me something to do and made me think outside of myself.

Donna         

[Rerun]

Lee's advice is the same as that offered by the Stoic philiosophers more than 2000 years ago, who said that "It is not the bad things that happen to you which make you sad, but your opinion of those bad things which causes sadness."  Most modern philosophers reject the Stoic perspective, however, since there are many things which are so bad that they force depressed feelings on the people experiencing them: these feelings are not really a matter of free choice for a sane person.  Depression is a perfectly normal response to terrible events, and studies have estimated the number of depressed dialysis patients at anywhere from 15% to 60% of the dialysis population.  If dialysis patients were not depressed with all they have to endure, they would have to be insane -- psychotically disconnected from the reality around them.

If you look at the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association, the 'Bible' of psychiatrists (now in its fourth edition), normal, 'healthy' depression is defined as a negative mood lasting for a short time in response to a negative event.  Mentally ill depression is distinguished as a long-term negative mood in reaction to some negative event.  But the idiots who wrote that manual seem to have suffered themselves from a severe deficiency of imagination, since they did not anticipate a third possibility, which is that there might be a kind of normal, 'healthy' depression which lasts forever because the negative event to which it responds also lasts forever -- like dialysis!

I just love reading your posts Staff.  I completely understand them and they make sense to me.  Keep up the good work!  Are your Married??   

[st789]

Yes, having an object or task to focus on is good for us.  For example, kick the dog like Rerun mentioned or rant like there is no tomorrow.  Chemical imbalance is suck big time.  I agree with all the posts here.  Dialysis sucks no matter how one tries to spin it.

[Sara]

Yes, having an object or task to focus on is good for us.  For example, kick the dog like Rerun mentioned or rant like there is no tomorrow.  Chemical imbalance is suck big time.  I agree with all the posts here.  Dialysis sucks no matter how one tries to spin it.

NO kicking the dog, but yes come here! 

[keefer51]

I'm not sure i understand depression. I see famous people on TV talk about depression, they become experts on the subject. I have had a horrible life. One heartbreak after another. I have been to several experts and doctors that always give me the same look. They are not sure what to say so they hand me a script. My "depression" started when i was little and still happens to this day. I always call it a reaction to a action. Some things have a lasting effect on the body. Dialysis will put a stop to your daily life and to those around you. It can put you in such a way that there doesn't appear to be a way out. It can cause divorce, lose of earnings and property, etc... Sometimes medication can help. This site is a big help. You can come here without the fear of face to face and rant all you want. I believe the more you rant the more you can except your circumstance. In my case i have bought several copy books and just started writing about my life. This way when some doctor hears of my situation and want to send me to a shrink i don't have to waste my time talking i can just hand over the books!

[st789]

Keefer51,  writing about your life sounds very practical and coming here to rant definitely helps.  When your peers and family members
have no clues what we as patients going through daily, they always say I have seen people worse than you and manage to do ok.  WTF...

Thus, I no longer waste my energy discuss my dilemna with them.  Here I feel a connection and bond.

[MyssAnne]

I agree, coming here helps me with my depression. People 'out there' don't know what it's like. Here, we can relax and be honest.
There is some validity to the theory that if you stay active you won't be too depressed, but sometimes you're just too darn tired.
I ended up on Lexapro, I just could not function otherwise. As others will say, just going to work is a overwhelming task sometimes,
forget about anything else after you get off work that day.  I don't really live M-F. I really live Sat-Sun, when I don't have to work.

[goofynina]

IHD is my way of getting HIGH   You all just make me feel good and help me forget my troubles,  thank you