Losing Patients

[smartcookie]

This week, I have lost three patients.  They tend to go in threes.  The first two were not much of a surprise as the patients were older and had several co-morbidities, but the last one was a shock.  Only five months older than me, he is passing now.  They just unplugged life support.  He had a stroke.  I feel for his young daughter and wife.  This one is hitting home a little harder since he is my age and was such a nice guy.  He took care of his family and kept the other patients laughing.  Just a stand up guy.  I miss my two other patients, too.  One was an older man and rather a hermit.  He had one close friend who took care of him, and that was enough for him.  The other was an older gentleman with mild dementia whose wife is having health issues.  I know she and his adult children are grieving.  It has been a hard, hard week, writing that sentence I hate writing in charts more than anything, "Social worker services terminated due to patient demise."  Hopefully, I will not have to write that again for a while. 

[kristina]

Dear smartcookie, many thanks for the kind care you give to your patients and I am very sorry for your loss.
It is hard to lose a person when we have formed a relationship and have shared time and I understand your sadness and your loss.
We have also had a few losses in "my" dialysis center and whenever it happens, I am reminded of the cruel fact, that dialysis is a life-support and then I am glad, that I had the opportunity to meet and share a few moments and talks in "my" center with people, who unfortunately are gone now.
I am very sorry for your loss and send you my kind thoughts from Kristina.

[Charlie B53]

I doubt if I could last very long working in any way related to contact with terminal patients.  I tend to develop too close of a personal relationship and losing a patient would be leaving far too deep scars on my  Soul.

I know this is a task that must be done, and those persons that manage to do so are indeed 'special' people that must have the patience of Job to be able to endure the repeated loses.

I give Thanks daily that these people exists.

Who says there are no 'Angels' here on Earth?

[Michael Murphy]

Actually every one is terminal the important thing is what you do with you finite life.  It seems to me that smartcookies discription oh husband and father made good use of his time and leaves a legacy of people who he cared about and who cared about him.  That is the mark of a successful life. The Irish believe that one should celebrate the time we get to spend with the good people.

[smartcookie]

Thank you all for the kind words!  I have been out of town and unable to answer this until now.  I love being part of a community who cares! 

It is hard to lose patients, but I have found coping mechanisms that help.  I try to hold everything in until I get home and then pray about it.  I also do not attend funerals.  I will call caregivers or family if they are having a hard time or need help with something, but I have found that I burn out much quicker if I go to funerals.  When I worked hospice, I went to every funeral.  It was difficult and draining.  Although the families appreciated it, it was too much for me.  I have other little things I do to commemorate them, like putting their obituaries in the break room or sending cards. 

[PrimeTimer]

You obviously care very much for your patients. (having read from another thread) I thought it very nice and very caring when you went to the hospital and sat with that man who didn't have anybody. That is really going above and beyond. That speaks volumes of your character.

I don't attend funerals, either. Reached my limit when I found myself attending the funerals of 3 friends within 3 weeks of each other. They had been murdered and at the time, for all we knew their killer sat among us. No one was comfortable. Not that funerals ever are but that was an especially terrible time. Found myself sobbing loudly at one, laughing out loud over some memories at another. Almost lifted the lid of a coffin just to make sure there was a body in it. I was at the point of disbelief, denial. It kind of created a scene. And to make it worse, news media were everywhere, even surrounding the church outside. The case was never solved so never any closure and I've dealt with a lot more death since then. But it was back then that I told myself no more funerals. I say my "goodbyes" privately in other ways and no one knows. I am very surprised to know that there are others (you) who do not attend funerals. I think I can understand this. 

[Charlie B53]

My prior work history has caused me to form some sort of mental block to learning peoples names.  But I rarely forget a face.

This past week I have noticed a LOT of faces missing at my Clinic, and now empty chairs that previously have been filled every treatment day that I have been there.

I finally asked my Tech where are all these patients?

"Hospital."

This can't always be a good thing.

[smartcookie]

Thank you, Primetimer!  And Charlie, I agree.  I hate seeing empty chairs.  When I first started at my clinic three and a half years ago, we had three gentlemen that we called the three musketeers!  Now only one is left and he is blind now.  Another patient always wanted me to get her hamburger after treatment.  She is gone, too.  This sweet little demented gentleman used always look for me and smile and say hello (that is about all he could say).  He is gone, too.  When a new patient fills though chairs, I kind of get over it, but then I will run across a document with a name of someone deceased and it just brings it back.  I don't clean out my drawers very often for that reason.  My day just sucks when I remember that they are gone.

[AshtonsMuse]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I can only imagine how difficult that must be.  ((hugs))

[OlManRivah]

We Need nurses that care. . . . .

[kristina]

We Need nurses that care. . . . .

We do !!!

[kitkatz]

We lost someone at the center recently.  My husband knew him from his work.  They had started talking back and forth and three to four weeks later he is gone.
RIP David V.

[smartcookie]

I am sorry, Kitkatz!  Losing patients sucks.  Losing friends sucks more. 

[Jean]

Smart Cookie, thank you for all you do. I am not yet on dialysis,but can easily understand how you feel. I live in a Senior Mobile Home Community and just finished 5 years of being co-chair of the Memorial Committee. It didnt take long to realize I needed a stiff upper lip to get thru this memorial routine. When I would see the people who I really care for, I would tell them, " dont you dare die while I am chairing these events". So far they have pretty much co-operated with me.

[Michael Murphy]

Death seems around the corner for all in the ESRD community.  We are all living on a razors edge.  Don't get me wrong I am in no hurry to die.  On the other hand no one gets out of this life alive.  The lesson is cherish the time you have with the people who you care about.  Don't waste your time on anger with people or events your time is better spent enjoying the people you care about and letting the anger go.  I am 66 and by this age my father was dead, he spent his last months fighting the cancer that was killing him, those months were not spent reconnecting with the people in his life.  The people who we remember fondly are generally the ones who lived and enjoyed each day, they will continue to exist in our memories but have also started on life's last great adventure, what happens when you die.

[smartcookie]

Thank you, Jean!  And very well said, Michael!