depression

[LightLizard]

I find that if i think about the future a lot, what I need to do, what is possible and likely for me, and remember the past, what I used to do, how I used to be, that I can easily fall into depression and anxiety. I refuse to take meds for it. I am taking more meds now than I ever thought I would, and I know of too many that have become addicted to anti-depressants.
Remembering and honouring the good things I have, my kids, wife and friends, my ability to drum and play guitar, and remembering that kidney disease is not necessarily a death sentence like cancer or aids, and is a different journey for all of us, helps to bring me back to a more peaceful mindset.
In the ancient tradition of zen, the greatest achievement is in developing a state of inner peace through accepting 'not knowing.' None of us really know what is going to happen tomorrow, or even later today! None of us, and no one on the planet knows what happens when we die, IF we die.
Opinions and beliefs abound, but really NO ONE KNOWS!
So why be worried about what we can't know?

Live
Love
Laugh

~LL~

[st789]

Is hard sometimes thinking about the future.  The treatment day-in and day-out and the tiring feeling are hard.

I think it is hard to keep going on if you do not have a support group to move you along the way.  I suffered silence depression for many years unoticed when I was on dialysis.  I became very quiet and not as vocal due to my energy level.

I think what keep me going is seeing my nephews and nieces grow up.  I feel more self-worth when they are around.

Keep fighting everyone.

[keefer51]

I have been told i am a depressed person. I am 51 and i have had my share of anti depressing meds. I have also been i the hospital for it. I think all i need is to forget the things that made me feel this way. There are so many things that have happened to me some are my choices some are not. I seem to accept the things i do wrong. I can look at them and say that was stupid. The other things that i don't have control over are i guess what i need help in. Perhaps they are telling me the wrong thing. I feel like i am reacting to a action the only way my body knows how.

[tweetykiss]

Now I have a question, can KD cause depression in patients prior to having dialysis and then they feel better once they get dialyzed?

[goofynina]

Now I have a question, can KD cause depression in patients prior to having dialysis and then they feel better once they get dialyzed?

I think it is the thought itself of having this disease puts us in a depression, and then to add fluid restrictions, that stupid renal diet  and the loss of jobs, homes etc... that all brings depression,  but in time, as you learn to deal with it, it does get a little better.   Having a great support group such as everyone here on IHD has been a Godsend for me and i hope you find we are here for you too Tweety.  Hang in there girlfriend and remember, we are just a keyboard away 

[tweetykiss]

Now I have a question, can KD cause depression in patients prior to having dialysis and then they feel better once they get dialyzed?

I think it is the thought itself of having this disease puts us in a depression, and then to add fluid restrictions, that stupid renal diet  and the loss of jobs, homes etc... that all brings depression,  but in time, as you learn to deal with it, it does get a little better.   Having a great support group such as everyone here on IHD has been a Godsend for me and i hope you find we are here for you too Tweety.  Hang in there girlfriend and remember, we are just a keyboard away 

First off, thank you for your hugs and very kind words....all of you have been very supportive, now one of the reasons for my absence was he was going through the bad emotional and mental changes of this whole thing and he needed me by his side......

When we were first told of this, my reaction was complete anxiety and depression and here I was not giving much thought to whether my husband was going though it other than the fact that he complained of his food and fluid restrictions...he loves these kinds of foods that KD patients cannot have and he loves his sodas and coffees and teas.....he also loves chocolate...worst thing for KD patients.......he loves dairy products too (yes, he is a wine and cheese connaisure lol....) and the "bad" list goes on.....everything was taken from him a few months ago and now he has been having this bad depression and anxiety where I have come to terms with the whole thing......

I am just hoping once he starts dialysis he will feel better and get out of the rut....

I can certainly see how KD patients lose homes, jobs, and even their families.....

 

[MyssAnne]

Joanie, any word from the doctor?  Is your husband on something now? 

[Ohio Buckeye]

I suffered from depression so badly when my husband passed away so i can surely relate
to people with it.  It is hard to cope with.  I remember laying in bed and seeing daylight
coming in around the window thinking how a new day was coming and how I dreaded
facing another day.  I was severely depressed.  One month I took prozac but broke how
it hives all over and ended up in er.  I still don't know if it was prozac or stress but I never
took anymore.  And the prozac was strange.  I would feel like crying but couldn't.  It probably would have just delayed
my pain.  Anyway, as time went on, my little grandson came along and it was like a little light came on.
It does get better and at the time I couldn't believe that it would.  I sometimes feel tho that my
health is so bad today because of the severe depression I went through.  Depression is a hitchhiker always looking
for a ride but I hope I pass it up always.  After I became really ill recently I was in a struggle to survive and
did not have space for depression.  Now I am so glad to still be here and want to enjoy the good moments
as they become available.  Now I appreciate life and want to enjoy it to the utmost.  I am still limited because
of my foot but I surely have a different attitude then I did. 

[tweetykiss]

I don't believe in anti--depressants....

[mariannas]

I've suffered from depression for a long time, but it has definitely been worse since I found out I'd have to start dialysis.  The thought of being hooked up to a machine in order to live has really affected me.  However, what I've found helps ME is to just stay busy.  I can't work because my anemia is so bad it makes it impossible to work an 8 hour day.  I've basically been staying home and the boredom is part of what gets me down.  When I stay busy I think less about my condition and more about getting on with my life.  I busy myself with my hobby and cleaning and it helps tremendously. 

[Bette]

I have been on paxil for over a year.  It helps with the depression, but what helped me the most was therapy.  I had really good insurance at the time and it paid for me to go talk to some one once a week.  She made me examine why I was feeling so depressed and a lot of it was due to all or nothing thinking.  I would reccomend therapy to exeryone.

I still get depressed some times, but it doesn't last as long or get as dark. 

[Ohio Buckeye]

On Larry King this eve. the guests are people who survived near fatal accidents.
They are an encouragement to hear how they dealt with depression, etc.

[karen547]

I am currently taking 20 mg of Prozac to deal with my adjustment disorder. I noticed how different it is with prozac, I don't get as sad or angry as I used to and can cope much easier. I used to be ashamed that I needed a pill to help me deal, but I know now that t's nothing to  be ashamed of, and am glad I'm part of the 'Prozac Nation'. 

[Black]

Good job, Karen!     Too many people put up with feeling depressed and don't take action.  Depression can actually be worse for the patient than their disease.  It's a shame all doctors are not aware of how common depression is in the chronically ill, and if they do notice they so often do not take it seriously.

[paris]

I am not sure I understand when someone says they don't believe in anti-depressents.  Does that go for all medications?  If you need an antibiotic, would you not take it? Depression is not something you can just shake off and get happy.  There are real chemical imbalances that need help.  I will do anything to feel as close to normal as I can. I take meds for blood pressure - isn't that the same as taking something for depression or anxiety?    Karen, it is hard to get over the stigma others put on Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, but they are made to help us and I for one am a better me because of the medication.  Glad you are feeling better with the med.

[MooseMom]

I have been on paxil for over a year.  It helps with the depression, but what helped me the most was therapy.  I had really good insurance at the time and it paid for me to go talk to some one once a week.  She made me examine why I was feeling so depressed and a lot of it was due to all or nothing thinking.  I would reccomend therapy to exeryone.

I still get depressed some times, but it doesn't last as long or get as dark. 

I have wondered if anyone with KD has had regular therapy sessions.

I would be shocked if most people with KD, whether pre-dialysis or on dialysis, didn't suffer from depression.  Being a social worker is different from being a licensed psychologist, and I often wonder if it wouldn't be a great idea if a team of psychologists could be made available at dialysis clinics, just like nutritionists, et al.  The emotional and psychological effects of CKD seem to be widely ignored by health care providers.

I'm sure I suffer from depression, and I'm not even on dialysis yet.  A lot of it is just simple fear.  CKD is so unpredictable.  I have FSGS, and I don't know what caused it or what will happen next.  It is not something that will ever be cured.  A transplant is no cure; it is only a treatment, and dialysis isn't even as good as a transplant.

And I'm angry.  I don't know what I did to deserve this fate, and it makes me furious that I am having to suffer for no apparent reason whatsoever.  I have people who depend upon me...an autistic son, an elderly mother, a new husband, so how am I supposed to care for all of these people when I am hooked up to some monstrosity?  It makes me so mad that I can hardly see straight.

I do try to keep myself distracted.  I have no real support team locally (I am fairly new to this community, and my husband's family has not been exactly welcoming, but that's another story).  So, I figure that I have to find my own way out of this black hole.  I've started volunteering at the local hospital; that's not easy for me as I am basically a very shy person, but I want to keep my mind and soul active.  I've started learning to play the guitar.  I'd like to try some new things, but I am afraid of making a commitment because I don't know how much longer I have before having to "commit" to dialysis.

I have learned that most people live with some searing pain in their lives.  Just today, one of the people I volunteer with told me that her only child, her son, who is studying/living in Europe has found a lump in his groin, and the working theory is that he has leukaemia.  What a horror!  Her only child, so far away, possibly facing cancer.  He can't be treated here in the US because he has no insurance (he gets state supported care overseas from their national health system), so my friend is in a right state!  Her story made me realize that terrible things happen to people every day, and while that does not make me feel less depressed, it does make me realize that time really is precious, and I loathe wasting it in a depressed state.  I'm determined to find as much joy in my life as I can, and I am equally determined to take as much control over my life as I possibly can.

As for anti-depressants, if they help, take them.  There is no honor in suffering if you do not have to.  Suffering does not make you a better person; it only makes you a more depressed person.

[goofynina]

Moosemom, i hope you find something that helps you with your depression, i know you have said your not on dialysis yet but when i was on Hemo, i was severly depressed (damn near suicidal)   but now that i am on PD, life has a new meaning to me,  at least if i go back to hemo, i know what to expect.  I also know there are other means of dialysis for me and i have options, that eases my mind as well.  I hope all the best for you and i have to say for myself, coming here has helped me more than any pill could ever do.  IHD is my method of therapy, here, they all know how I feel, what i am going through and they remind me i am not alone.  So Please, come as often as you can, get your feelings out here, we are here for you and WE CARE!!!!   

[MooseMom]

Thanks for that, Goofynina.  I'm sure my post echoes those of many, many people who have visited IHD.

When you speak of "other means of dialysis" and other options for you, what do you mean?  "Options" is not a word that I freely associate with renal disease!  LOL!

Thanks.

[goofynina]

Well, instead of Hemo, there is NxStage and/or Home Hemo, I am leaning towards NxStage more.  I wouldnt mind it as much if i could do it at home, and that makes me feel better just knowing that.    (but i am still hoping and praying that my peritoneum holds out a long long long long long long long long long time)