Ten Things You Never Want To Hear in a Dialysis Center

[BobN]

1.   No, the scale's not broken.
2.   Your usual chair's not available.
3.   Huh, must have infiltrated.
4.   The TV is on the fritz.
5.   Have you met our new nurse, Boris?
6.   Darn, I left my good glasses home.  So, ready for your stick?
7.   Is it supposed to swell up like that?
8.   I've never seen phosphorous in double digits before.
9.   We're gonna have to run you an extra half hour.
10.   Need another saline bag over here.

Can you think of any others?

[Simon Dog]

Can you think of any others?

We have an NP who just sort of guesses on the dialysis Rx for you visitors.  (actually heard this once)

Yeah, we know you use a 180 filter at home, but transients here all get the 160 (yup, heard that too)

[kitkatz]

Can you wait a few minutes for me take you off?    (Ummm. No!)

[obsidianom]

1.   No, the scale's not broken.
2.   Your usual chair's not available.
3.   Huh, must have infiltrated.
4.   The TV is on the fritz.
5.   Have you met our new nurse, Boris?
6.   Darn, I left my good glasses home.  So, ready for your stick?
7.   Is it supposed to swell up like that?
8.   I've never seen phosphorous in double digits before.
9.   We're gonna have to run you an extra half hour.
10.   Need another saline bag over here.

Can you think of any others?

CLEAN UP ON CHAIR NUMBER-----
Does your fistula always look this red?
Did you win the fight,?----your face is sure swollen from it.
Of course you are out of breathe, your hemoglobin is 8.0
Ignore that loud alarm over on chair number 3 , we aren't worried about it, so you don't need to.

[Michael Murphy]

Worse than the scales not broken is "yes it's reading 5 kilos low and we've called it in already"

[needlephobic]

1.   No, the scale's not broken.
2.   Your usual chair's not available.
3.   Huh, must have infiltrated.
4.   The TV is on the fritz.
5.   Have you met our new nurse, Boris?
6.   Darn, I left my good glasses home.  So, ready for your stick?
7.   Is it supposed to swell up like that?
8.   I've never seen phosphorous in double digits before.
9.   We're gonna have to run you an extra half hour.
10.   Need another saline bag over here.

Can you think of any others?

CLEAN UP ON CHAIR NUMBER-----
Does your fistula always look this red?
Did you win the fight,?----your face is sure swollen from it.
Of course you are out of breathe, your hemoglobin is 8.0
Ignore that loud alarm over on chair number 3 , we aren't worried about it, so you don't need to.

Oh yeah they ignored the alarms alright at the bad center I was at over 3 years ago there cell phone was more important than the patients alarms. Never forget that all of the staff leaning or should I say holding the nurse`s station up with there butts while texting while all the alarms we're going off. There excuse was texting doctors yeah right.

[kitkatz]

OOOOPS!   or any form there of.

[kristina]

1.   No, the scale's not broken.
2.   Your usual chair's not available.
3.   Huh, must have infiltrated.
4.   The TV is on the fritz.
5.   Have you met our new nurse, Boris?
6.   Darn, I left my good glasses home.  So, ready for your stick?
7.   Is it supposed to swell up like that?
8.   I've never seen phosphorous in double digits before.
9.   We're gonna have to run you an extra half hour.
10.   Need another saline bag over here.

Can you think of any others?

CLEAN UP ON CHAIR NUMBER-----
Does your fistula always look this red?
Did you win the fight,?----your face is sure swollen from it.
Of course you are out of breathe, your hemoglobin is 8.0
Ignore that loud alarm over on chair number 3 , we aren't worried about it, so you don't need to.

Oh yeah they ignored the alarms alright at the bad center I was at over 3 years ago there cell phone was more important than the patients alarms. Never forget that all of the staff leaning or should I say holding the nurse`s station up with there butts while texting while all the alarms we're going off. There excuse was texting doctors yeah right.

I am so sorry needlephobic,
the center you were quoting sounds very dangerous and very distressing...
... I do hope you are well looked after in your new center ...
... and I send you my good-luck-wishes, Kristina.

[Simon Dog]

Oh yeah they ignored the alarms alright at the bad center I was at over 3 years ago there cell phone was more important than the patients alarms. Never forget that all of the staff leaning or should I say holding the nurse`s station up with there butts while texting while all the alarms we're going off. There excuse was texting doctors yeah right.

The clinic that I use for backup (home patient) has a policy against tech's using cell phones.   When I was a visitor at DaVita, the tech I used had the cellphone so firmly attached to her head that it could be mistaken for a tumor.

Another don't want to hear:

"You're here an hour early"  (heard this AM).    No I wasn't; the nurses schedule sheet did not match registration.

[Sugarlump]

My worst ones :
"Oops I forgot to profile your saline so sorry" as I get severe stomach cramps    and
Having put me in minimum (50ml/hour) for ten minutes, comes back after 20 minutesjust switches machine back onto normal, my bp crashes again.
"Did you not lower the final fluid amount cos its trying to take 900 ml/hour off in last half hour?" I ask? "Sorry I was busy taking another patient off..."
Not great! Not great at all. Every dialysis patient knows when your bp falls sharply takes ages to recover...

[Dannyboy]

Home patient now, but from my time in-center (I had afternoon schedule)
"Sorry, but we're running a bit late today...."  translation:  "you'll be here a WHOLE lot longer today.."

--Dan

[cattlekid]

"The State is in today so we are backed up..."  (translation:  we cut so many corners on a regular day that when the State auditors are in, you are guaranteed a 90-minute delay in start time

Home patient now, but from my time in-center (I had afternoon schedule)
"Sorry, but we're running a bit late today...."  translation:  "you'll be here a WHOLE lot longer today.."

--Dan