So, we're participating in the neighborhood garage sale last week, and this man and woman stop by and start browsing the stuff we had set up in our garage.
"What's this?" she asks, holding up a mounted rolling pin that my wife decided to get rid of.
"It's a rolling pin. Or in other words, a way to ensure the husband here doesn't get out of line," I said, indicating her companion.
They just looked at each other strangely.
"This is my brother," she said after an uncomfortable delay. "My husband just died. He was healthy, then he got sick and died suddenly."
I just stood there quietly while the couple walked away.
"Do your teeth or tongue ever get in the way?" asked my wife.
"Huh?" I said, still a little stunned.
"You know," she said. "When your foot goes plunging in."
Now, I wish I could tell you that this was an isolated incident. But let's just say that foot and mouth disease and I are no strangers to each other.
In the last house we lived in, our neighbors across the alley went walking one day, pushing a baby in a stroller. They were nice folks, both a little on the heavy side, physically.
I was working in my yard and I ran over to see the baby.
"Ah babysitting today, huh?" I said. "Nice way to burn a Saturday. Awww, cute little thing. That's very nice of you to take care of him. Whose child is it anyway? Your brother's? Looks a little like him. He's definitely got his eyes. Gonna be a ruggedly handsome little dude."
They just looked at each other.
"First of all, it's a SHE," the guy says. "And it's OUR baby. Didn't you realize that my wife was pregnant?"
Surprisingly, despite the fact that I get myself in these situations pretty frequently, my ability to respond has not improved measurably over the years.
"I uh...well I...I mean, sure...but I uh..." I stammered.
"Uh oh, think I hear the wife calling me," I said running in the other direction. "You know how it is...Happy Wife, Happy Life heh heh..."
Then I disappeared into the nearest corner.
When I told my wife about it later, she just looked at me and shook her head.
"Well, I was just trying to be nice," I said.
"Next time, try doing it with your mouth shut," she said.
Hmmm. Maybe that's the only cure for this condition...
http://www.bobnortham.com/whats-new.htmlEdited: Added full text - okarol/admin
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