My son misses dialysis treatments

[NyConnie62]

My son who is on dialysis for over 5 years misses treatments and ends up in the hospital.






EDITED:  Thread moved to proper section:  "General Discussion" - jbeany, Moderator

[Deanne]

I'm sorry. That has to be very worrisome and frustrating for you. How old is your son? Does he live with you? Does he say why he misses treatments? You didn't give us very much information.

[chook]

That must be such a worry for you. I have the same queries as Deanne - what is happening to make your son do this?

[smcd23]

How old is he? Does he live with you? My husband has missed treatments in the past but it was due to depression. Is he seeing someone for that, maybe that is what is causing it. I only found out he skipped when the clinic called my phone looking for him. He left like he was going and was just driving around. I assume he planned on coming home after he was sure I had gone to work. I understand how stressful that is.

Please tell us more about what is going on, if you feel like sharing. Others and myself might have more advise if we know a little more. 

[NyConnie62]

He was supposed to go on dialysis today he is 28 years old. He is having trouble breathing and I called 911 and they would not take him because he refused. Now I have to listen and watch him in respertory distress, it is the most stressful thing I have ever seen.

[okarol]

  So sorry. You cannot make an adult do what it takes to be healthy if they don't want to. I pray he doesn't do irreversible damage.

[smcd23]

I hope he doesn't do anything to harm himself more than the missing treatments, but I do know from experience sometimes it takes a wake up call of sorts to get motivated to go and take better care of himself. I do hope he changes his mind and realizes how much better dialysis is than the alternative.

It does sound also (to me, and I could be wrong but I am basing this on my own experience with my 28 year old husband who has been on dialysis since 2009) that he could be suffering from depression, which if you look around the site is pretty common among dialysis patients. Has anyone evaluated him for this? Once my husband go on the right meds for this, he started doing better.

Hang in there 

[gothiclovemonkey]

im 29, started when i was 23...
I skipped A LOT when i first started, it was bad, and stupid of me. I still struggle with staying on, but i try to always make my treatments, and if not, i try to make up for days i have to miss.
In that first year, I was really stupid about it, and gave up hope at one point, completely quitting for 2 weeks straight, ending up in the hospital where i found a new clinic, and things got better for me. Now I have a different clinic, and a new set of doctors, and im much better off.
Finding out what is going on, why is has chosen not to do it would be your first steps to getting him help. Maybe he needs a new set of drs and a new clinic, maybe he needs depression meds.

[M3Riddler]

He was supposed to go on dialysis today he is 28 years old. He is having trouble breathing and I called 911 and they would not take him because he refused. Now I have to listen and watch him in respertory distress, it is the most stressful thing I have ever seen.

No offense to you, but it sounds as if your son needs to set his priorities. If things get too bad, does he come crying to you for help?   Agian, no offense to you, but maybe he has it too good in the homefront.
He is very lucky that dialysis is available to him. Many do not have the luxery.....and yes.. In my opinion, I consider it a luxery.  Many people die because dialysis is not available to them. 
What does he do when he misses several treatments ?  Does he eventually go?    I also blame the docs... He needs to make a decision... dialysis or no dialysis... not when he feels like dialysis....   This is not only harming him, but it puts a burden on th dialysis center.  They have a seat for him that could be used by someone else.  They must also go through a billing mess when he doesnt show up.  Just my opinion...

[looneytunes]

Hi NyConnie and welcome to IHD.  Sorry you are having such a rough time right now with your son.  Missing dialysis treatments does carry some severe consequences.  Both for him, physically, and you, emotionally.  My prayers are with you.

[NyConnie62]

Thank-you everyone for trying to help.  Michael is 28 and has been on dialysis for about 5 years now. It has been a struggle to get him to go. He did finallly go on dialysis yesterday and noticed he can breathe much better, but it went at the hospital and I had to call 911. I just hope he willl go to his next treatment. He is on a anti depressent medicine.

[cattlekid]

Hello Connie,

Has he ever expressed to you why he doesn't want to go to dialysis?  I am 15 years older than your son and can think of about a hundred reasons why I wouldn't want to go to a dialysis center at his age.  If you can get him to express to you why he misses treatments, there may be things that you and the staff at the center can do to make treatments more tolerable.  I know for me, electronics helped immensely to pass the time.  Maybe he would do better on a different shift?  Is home hemo an option?  He may feel like he's missing out on life being in the center and going home may help.  Is there someone close to his age at his center, even on a different shift?  If he could connect with others who are his age and going through the same thing, that may also go a long way to help him cope. 

Thank-you everyone for trying to help.  Michael is 28 and has been on dialysis for about 5 years now. It has been a struggle to get him to go. He did finallly go on dialysis yesterday and noticed he can breathe much better, but it went at the hospital and I had to call 911. I just hope he willl go to his next treatment. He is on a anti depressent medicine.

[Poppylicious]

Hello Connie!  I'm so pleased your son went to dialysis the other day.  It must be so frustrating for you to have to go through this.  Point him in our direction here at ihd.com ... maybe we can offer him some personal support and encouragement, as well as you.

*huggles*

[kitkatz]

Remember dialysis treatments never end, never ever end.  Same thing week after week, day after day.

[Riki]

I was 26 when I started, this time around anyway.  I was on PD, but I didn't really want to do it either.  I would have stopped if I could have found a way to do it without anyone finding out.  Dialysis is not as easy as it seems.  It takes a great deal out of you.  I'm not really good for much after dialysis, but I do sometimes muster my energy to do thing with friends, or go to Aqua Zumba with my mom.  We do more than just sit in a chair, thou.gh that it what it looks like.  Our bodies take a beating, and it's not fun.  Some people do decide not to do it anymore.  For others, it sometimes takes a scare or a kick in the pants to realize what the consequences of no dialysis actually are.  Perhaps the realization that he can breathe better after dialysis will get your son going to dialysis regularly, because the more you go, generally, the better you feel.  Do you go to dialysis with him?  If you don't, maybe you should.  There could be something going on in the centre that makes him not want to go.  You could also offer to help him with home hemo or PD, both of which would give him a bit more control over his life.  There are so many options.

[geoffcamp]

I have a thought you may want to try. I assume he has "good" days following treatment. If he does take a picture or a small video. When he decides he will skip a treatment show him the video or picture you took when he was feeling well. You may also want to do the reverse, have a picture or video of him having problems or the ambulance taking him to the hospital. This may help him understand in order to have "good" days he must go to all his scheduled treatment. Just something I thought about reading this post. Maybe he needs to actually see what he is doing to himself and how much better he is if he stays compliant with treatment times. I hope he regains his strength to persevere. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to see and not be able to do anything for him. This might be the kick in the pants he needs to manage his health.  You are in my thoughts, I hope he decides to get his act together and in doing so feels much better about the positive choices he can make.
Best regards,
G.