does anyone else have this issue?

[gothiclovemonkey]

I watch a movie about someone dying, or diseased, and i just lose it, emotionally. I bawl... like a baby.

it isnt the movie that causes it, its my thoughts...
like tonight, the gal had a bunch of friends and family with her when she passed, and i thought, i probably wont have that. If my father is alive when i go, i might have him there, but even then i doubt it...
ill probably be completely alone when it happens. or worse, my son will be here alone with me... like i was my mom.

knowing all of my friends are online, that the offline ones never come around... im feeling really alone tonight.
i was bawling at this movie, my bf just laughs at me...
i had to leave the room i was bawling so bad i couldnt stop, i felt sick...

i know we all die, we are born to die... but damn... i dont want to do it alone, and i dont want it to happen before certain things come to pass in my life. like watching my son grow up and stuff like that.
our life expectancy on dialysis isnt that high.. i know people pass that all the time, but man.... its just... wow.. ya know?

does anyone else get like this from a stupid movie? or even a commercial??

[Roxy]

Hi glm,

Yeah i know what you mean. I'm 26 and have a transplant and it still happens. For me instead of crying, it's more like a punch in the gut and the wind knocked out of me. As much as I keep thinking I've accepted death and that part of life- it seems more the unknown (regardless of my religious views) and what you talk about as far as wanting certain things in life to pass before that time comes. Or maybe a feeling of being cheated out of even enjoying "now" sometimes because of knowing what's ahead. For me, it's not so much minding dying alone as I would actually prefer it I think instead of having to watch the pain in my family's eyes. But I think for some of us when we see movies or even commercials of people dying it hits home more since we have a chronic illness than it would with somebody who doesn't have to think about all this stuff. It seems more real than it probably does to others.

I'm sorry you feel alone. Please know that you are not and there are many who feel the same way and are there for you. 

[cariad]

I don't cry or anything, but I do find that ever since my second transplant, I think about death way too often, and spend too much time reviewing my life choices, second-guessing them. I hate it when I get like that. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I seem unable to stop myself from picturing the day that Gwyn won't be there with me. I am more afraid of being the one left behind than the one who dies first. I also fear that something will happen to my kids, though I try not to let it affect how I treat them or what I allow them to do.

I don't mind the thought of dying alone just so long as it's relatively quick. I just don't want to linger for years, losing my faculties. Both of my grandmothers lived into their 90s and I think that was too long by a few years.

The only thing that helps me is keeping busy. I hope you find something that works for you, GLM. 

[gothiclovemonkey]

I think all parents have that fear. especially when they have medical issues... Im always worried about jareth. but, like you, i dont let it effect what he can do, too much. there are a few things i dont let him do because he does have seizures and other health issues.
Im not so much afraid of being left behind... I mean, i know it totally sucks losing someone, i lost my mom when i was 12, it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But, I also know she isnt suffering anymore. that kind of makes me happy .. in a weird way.
im not really afraid of dying either. im mostly afraid that if it happens before my dad dies, he wont be ok... my son wont be ok... that worries me the most.

i dont really think about it too often, either, just when i watch stupid shows like that. It was a beautiful movie, and funny too... but damn... It was called "A little bit of heaven" romantic comedy. The only other movie that has truly upset me THAT much was Rent. I watched it the first time right after I was diagnosed, and i think thats why it got me. "living with, not dying, from disease" is one of the best lines from that!!! I try to live by that, and remind myself daily. I even have th sound track haha

[jeannea]

That's my favorite line from Rent too!

[CebuShan]

I'm not much of crier normally so I use movies, etc. as an "excuse" to let it all out sometimes.

[thegrammalady]

i'm the sobby sort. always have been. i remember as a child think i'd be 49 in the year 2000, that wasn't so old, i'd live that long. my mother has 6 great-grandchildren. i want some too. the youngest isn't due until march. i have a way to go. i also have always thought "the beginning of life is the beginning of death" weird aren't i.

[gothiclovemonkey]

i agree... the min we are born, we begin dying...

i actually never wanted kids, but i love my son. im thankful i have him. hes pretty awesome.
and i have a weird theory about how long i will live too... My great grandma died very young, 30s. My grandma lived to be 85 ish and my mom died young 41, so i have a feeling ill be living a long time too. like the young death skips a generation lol maybe.
besides im too stubborn to die...

i actually used to make fun of my mom for crying at movies... i didnt understand why she was upset, its just a movie, she has no emotional attachment to those people. but now i wonder if its like it is with me. putting herself in that situation or whatever...
this crying over movies and such is totally a new thing, within the past few years....

[Lexxtech18]

GLM.. can I punch your boyfriend in the throat? For serial... insensative so and so....    I mean... I'm an angel! LOL

Anyway, I am not an emotional person unless I get really angry. Like I do not cry unless I'm furious. But I have cried watching 3 movies in my whole entire life.

1. Seven Pounds
2. My Sister's Keeper
3. A Walk to Remember

And if you haven't cried while watching these three movies, you have no soul.  And I cried because they all had to do with sick people. Dying due to a terminal illness. >.> I agree it makes you look at your own life and go Yup, that's gonna happen to me. Dead and alone. But you can't think like that! It will drive you nuts! Live for the here and now. I'd write more but... I'm brain dead and work is almost over. 

[gothiclovemonkey]

oh yes, my sisters keeper... woooo that was a cry fest too!!!
rent is a great movie (play) its message is to Live i like that, but its still soooo sad.

sometimes i, too want to punch him in the throat HAHA its love <3 lol
he just doesnt understand emotions at all. Its taken me a long time to realize that... he is emotionaless. i always thought i was, until i met him!
Instead, i dont feel emotions properly. or i block them out sometimes. im numb. but not enough to say i have no emotions. sometimes i have tooo many emotions, that dont fit the situation... im complex like that hahaha

[CebuShan]

I haven't seen "My sister's Keeper" yet but I have seen the other two.
"Seven Pounds" was so powerful. We actually bought it.
"Rent" & "A Walk To Remember" were both really good, too.

[dublin]

I watch a movie about someone dying, or diseased, and i just lose it, emotionally. I bawl... like a baby.

it isnt the movie that causes it, its my thoughts...
like tonight, the gal had a bunch of friends and family with her when she passed, and i thought, i probably wont have that. If my father is alive when i go, i might have him there, but even then i doubt it...
ill probably be completely alone when it happens. or worse, my son will be here alone with me... like i was my mom.

knowing all of my friends are online, that the offline ones never come around... im feeling really alone tonight.
i was bawling at this movie, my bf just laughs at me...
i had to leave the room i was bawling so bad i couldnt stop, i felt sick...

i know we all die, we are born to die... but damn... i dont want to do it alone, and i dont want it to happen before certain things come to pass in my life. like watching my son grow up and stuff like that.
our life expectancy on dialysis isnt that high.. i know people pass that all the time, but man.... its just... wow.. ya know?

does anyone else get like this from a stupid movie? or even a commercial??

Hi edd here yes i do all the time , i put it down to this disease i have . I hope you meet new friends to go out with and talk to , you are still young and beautful i hope you and you son have a very long blessed life .  Goodbye for now take care.

[gothiclovemonkey]

thank you Edd, i hope the same for you!

[jbeany]

Lordy, y'all, don't ever watch Steel Magnolias without a bucket then, either.

GLM, just explain that we cry at movies for the same reason he gets excited about sports - it's an emotional release that doesn't cost us anything personally.  If we started bawling about our own lives, we'd never stop, but the movies (or books, or emotionally charged music) gives an easy option for blowing off steam.

If he got wound up about people he actually lived or worked with - he'd be miserable.  But he can rant and rave about his sports team losing and still be masculine, not whiny. 

Some people like horror films or scary theme park rides for similar reasons - they have calm lives, and want some safe excitement.

[lainiepop]

Yes I cry at TV movies and stories in newspapers. Always was like this but think am worse and more anxious since tx, I blame the drugs  :-)  hubby kept asking me what was wrong yesterday after I'd read bout little boy not much younger than mine who they're trying to raise 500000 pounds for to take him to america for life saving cancer treatment. His parents went to my school so is constantly over some friends fb pages too cause they know them every time I see it it sets me off.

Since tx I've also been thinking more about death etc and its not death that upsets or worries me in particular but the fear of never seeing my kids grow up. Then I get sad when I think about my parents getting older. I am 31in two weeks mum is 66 in may and dad will be 68 in September. He was my donor 9mths ago and 68 just sounds too close to 70 and I know he is obviously fit and healthy but I want them around for as long as poss. I'm an only child as they had probs conceiving hence why they were older when they had me. We are all pleased I was lucky enough to have mine young so they have time with them, my dad adores my daughter who is the image of me as a baby and I just want them to see them both grow up. I guess they could live til their 90s!

In a way I guess its better to think like this and not take people for granted but I've been struggling recently worrying and crying over every little thing hubby said I'm wasting my life not living it and he's right but I just feel like I'm waiting for something to go wrong. How to get out of this rut?!

Marie

[jjneyjr]

I can watch life and it sometimes brings a tear to me.
No one wants to die and yes the thinking about it can make you emotional.
If you are a believer in God there is nothing to be afraid of because when you die you won't be alone, that is a promise.
Likewise if you are a nonbeliever you have nothing to worry about either.
Dying is a part of life that scares a lot of people because it is unknown but again no one wants to die, being emotional is just that.
There is nothing wrong with it.
You are in greater touch with your feelings because you have contemplated life's hardest question.