Angry and cynical sounds like a familiar tune to me. It's on repeat in my head some days. My grumpy thought for the holidays....studies on the difference between professionals and amateurs at various things like music, painting, dancing, etc., all come down to time to spent practicing. If you want to be an expert at something, the dividing line is at about 10,000 hours of practice. That's about a year and a half of 24/7 practice if you do the math. Huh, so let's think - what am I an expert on....Being chronically ill - going on 30 years of that.Projectile vomiting - gotta be getting close to 10,000 hours of that, too. It was pretty much a daily occurrance for about 3 years before I figured out it was gastroparesis and demanded some treatment for it.Being chronically broke. See the first reason for an easy explanation.Chronic fatigue - a decade of severe anemia gives expert-level lessons on how to get things done in 10 minute increments between breaks to gasp for air.Being constantly in pain. Yup, got that covered several times over. Between the nerve damage and the scar tissue from multiple surgeries, that's been a constant companion for much longer than that.And the worst one?Being alone. My ex split right before I had to start D in 2006. We may not have divorced or even been able to stop living in the same house then, but being present and being company are two very different things.I'm guessing you've got a list of things you now qualify as an expert at, too. The cost of therapy depends on your insurance coverage mostly. How about the social worker at your center? (Some of them are useless, so take that suggestion for what yours is worth.) There might be local support groups that you could join, too. Maybe not strictly D patients, but any place that helps people with disabilities and chronic illnesses might be a help. Church groups are an option if you are a believer.Mostly, I rely on IHD and the friends I've made volunteering with a local cancer support group. (I teach craft classes and bake a lot of fattening goodies for the group meals.) I haven't had cancer, but it really is helpful to be around people who don't gasp "Oh you poor thing!" when I talk about my health issues and my transplant complications. We compare horror stories about the worst doctors we've ever had, and debate which pain meds give us the worst hallucinations. It's lovely to get jokes and sarcasm back instead of pity. Being an expert at gallows humor and sarcasm is the only thing that gets me through.
I live in a little podunk town (actually a Village! Let the jokes begin! ) in IL!
Nope, no joking allowed. I grew up in a village, too. It wanted to be a city but it was too small, so the town council changed its name - so it was officially "The Village of Mackinaw City." How pathetic is that?
I, too, live in a little village! to all my village people!! Wait... Uhm.. Anyway, I don't know if you'd feel up to it, but why don't you try volunteering at your local hospital, if possible? Before I worked as a Phlebotomist, I volunteered in the Radiology department at the hospital and I can tell you it can be a breath of fresh air. You can see and talk to people who you can relate to, who may even be worse off than you and it can really put things into perspective. In my daily work, I have to go to the ER and cancer units a lot, and I'm always talking with the patients. In the time it takes me to draw their blood, put it in the tubes, etc. we can have a brief conversation about our lives. Compare and contrast, if you will. I think it gives them hope for themselves, and it gives me a look into what else people can live through amd accomplish living with a chronic illness. That's just my two cents. I hope you find what you need gkcoley. And in the meantime, we are always to try and help lift your spirits. Take care!