been a while, not good

[texasstyle]

well, this might be the end. Mike slept all weekend and i mean slept. He was throwing up so much with diarrhea (no fever), Sunday night he caled to say he couldn't sit in dialysis like that. They offered him a chair later for later afternoon monday, even Tues morning. He said no, he's only comin in Wed. He was up for a bit last evening and he ate a big bag of Pistachios for dinner. looks like he snaked on some candy overnight too. today is day 4 no dialysis. So that's my life.  i called the unit and they said he needs to get dializes in the hosp.,or he might end up there in an ambulance. or who the heck knows. i'm tired of worrying. I think I've had it.

[Rerun]

Ask Mike what he wants.  Does he want to die at home or in the hospital.  Because that is what will happen.

Sometimes you just want to quit dialysis.  Especially when you are depressed or sick or having access problems.

Hang in there.

[natnnnat]

Hi gorgeous.  Keep sane.   

[billybags]

Tex, nice to hear from you again. Sorry to hear about Mike, I bet you are pulling your hair out. What has the neph said? I hope you are taking care of your self.

[willowtreewren]

Awww, Texas. I'm so sorry to hear this.

 

Has Mike made a conscious decision to end his dialysis? Or is he just reacting to not feeling well?

My heart goes out to you.

 

Aleta

[texasstyle]

I think he's tired, but from the get go, he never cared to take care of himself. He might make it through the dsay, who knows. I've seen people last a couple weeks, some only a few days. one friend much older in his 80's, chose to end because he had COPD so bad he couldn't breath anymore well. He didn't go to Monday's D and he died next day a 5:15 am. Last after noon he was up eating a cheesesteak, then he got very tired.......so who knows

[willowtreewren]

I will being keeping yu and Mike in my thoughts

 

 

Aleta

[okarol]

So sorry it has to be this hard. You've done your best.
Sending you some LOVE 

[mamagemini]

Wow, my heart goes out to you being the one there to handle all of this depression. How are you handling it? Do you see someone for this?
You may just need to let him decide his own path and you go on yours. Show him that life does go on even if he decides not too. He can do this it will just take time. Maybe a lot of time but it will take time. Sounds to me like hospitalization is in order.

[glitter]

My heart goes out to you- I know you must be suffering too 

[jeannea]

I'm so sorry. I hope you can get him to say what he wants so you know what you need to do. This must be awful.

[Leanne]

Hugs and prayers...

[Jean]

Ahhhh, that is the pits!! So sorry you are having to go thru this now. !!!!

[Rain]

Does the doctors know what wrong with him?   Talk to him and see what he wants..

Hang in there my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[texasstyle]

well he made it today but apparently passed out after D. They caught him as he fell into his knees. They kept them quite a while. After coming home from work he FINALLY told me he passed out. (I knew cuz i called D this morning). Wel, he walking around in agony in his knee. When I checked it out and offered RICE to start with it, Rest,Ice,Compression, Elevation, he "tisked" me. so.. what ever. When he's on the floor  and can't walk anymore and neeeds an ambulance he'll probably bitch at me about that too. He D burses know what a pain in the ass he is. He needs to go to er right now to at least get the knee checked, but he'll wait until it's crisis. Oh, those of you who don't know me may think I'm heartless, but for those of you who do, you know what I've put up with years.........  thanks for letting me vent.

[Poppylicious]

Awww, texie ... don't stop venting!  I'm glad he made it to dialysis but angry on your behalf that he won't get his knee looked at (unless he did today?!). 

*huggles*

[texasstyle]

he passed out after D TODAY. I was suprised tonight he wanted to get it checked out. They x rayed it, bruised bad, but at least we know it's not broke or fractured. He did tell triage nurse, hasn't taken any pills in over a week, threw up all sun thats why he didnt make D on Monday. AND, he did 2 doses of Kaoflex?() which made made him "rid" things even more for 2 of the nights . ER dr. said, he has a fever not quite 100 and that concerned him, wanted to do blood work. Mike said "I'lll pass". They were onto his game from the get go. He only wanted the knee taken care of, not the fact that he passed out to cause that. So.... this is why I am like I am.  I'm sure it's not over. ONRDAY I wil have some of me back. I feellike a fool and it's embarrassed.

[MooseMom]

Texasstyle, many of us have been following your story for quite a while now, and we know that you have been put into a truly difficult position made worse by someone who can't be arsed to take responsibility for himself.  No one with a disease like CKD will always be the perfect patient; we all suffer from pain, depression, illness and so many other things that can make us less than jolly to live with, but to put almost the entire burden onto someone else is just unacceptably selfish.  Don't fall into the trap of allowing him to make you feel foolish or embarrassed.  You don't deserve that.

Sometimes you just have to step back and let people do what they're going to do.  You've done your best.  I truly don't know what more you can do. 

[Jean]

Honey, you have been a great wife to him. Dont let these miserable last few says take away all the good from your marriage. YOu sound like you are ready to snap. Go have a beer.

[austinsoul2011]

So sorry to hear your husband isn't doing well.  In my time as a caregiver to my father, there have been so many rough, difficult moments that it's hard for me to recall when (or if) there were periods of relief or calm in-between sessions.  I always thought being a care provider meant you just needed to just be strong and supportive of the person you were watching over, as you tended to his/her needs.  I came to realize that, just as importantly, you also needed to become tough, resilient and even at times indifferent to the abuse that was sometimes directed at you.  For me and my family, that was most the difficult part of the process to accept.  I had to force myself to realize that people behave differently while under duress and pain, and that we cannot take things personally.  And in these many discussions I've had with social workers and other medical staff, I realized that we cannot ignore the constant drain and detriment to our own physical and emotional health as we continue to provide care to our loved ones.  I see the effect it's having on my mom, and I just started seeing the damage it's doing to me, too.

My father's condition seems to be moving towards its inevitable end though, and as much as we love him and wish for him to keep fighting, we know what he really wants is to be released him from his pain and suffering one way or another.  I so very wish some resolution for you and your husband.  Both of you are such very good people and deserve so much more.

[billybags]

austinsoul2011, nicely put.

[willowtreewren]

There is nothing more I can add. I'm sorry yu are going through this.

Come vent, and you won't be censured here AT ALL! Just 

  Thinking of ya!

 

Aleta

[boswife]

ugh!!!  Just makes me wish it wernt so!!!!  Im so sorry for what YOUR going through and wish better for him as well but............ I know and can feel better for you, as i KNOW you have given so much and and wish so much better for 'this' time.  Im so sorry TS and wish with everything in me that we could make it better for you but all can do is listen   Think we all know what you've 'put out' so feel free to get out what ya need...  Im so sorry, and hang on to as much self as you possibly can.  with love, jill  aka boswife

[lmunchkin]

TS, like MM said, we all know of your struggles with Mike.  I can't remember if it was you or Noob, that I said if they get nasty with you, tell them you are leaving and will come back when they realize you are not one of the Kids, but their spouse.  Ive done that a couple times with my husband back when all of this crap started happening.  He has really straightened up alot.  You hate to be this way with them, because you think its cruel, but its not!

Its called respect for one another.  And all should demand it.  If its not given, then walk away and step back. I think he is just at that point that he really doesnt know what he wants, but he will take it out on you.  You are his only one, but don't give in to his childishness.  Make him grow up!

Praying for you guys and its been a long time since we heard from ya.  I totally understand the restraints of time.  I don't post like I once did either, but Ive been living life to the fullest!!!! Just aint gonna worry bout nothing.

God Bless,
lmunchkin

P.S. Don't worry about us thinking you are cruel, we all know better.

[monrein]

Not fair.  Not nice.