I totally freaked out...

[Wildrose]

So this isn't one of those things I really want to admit to people, but after the situation I started to wonder if what happened could have had more to do with the hemo dialysis than my just going crazy.
Hemo has been really hard on my body. It must be for everybody? Heck its no walk in the park. But I've always had this ultra sensititivy to anything... my body is just wired weird, always has been. Every time I leave dialysis I feel tired, weak, no energy. They are always pulling off too much fluid so I get horrible cramps, start sweating like crazy, get shaky, weak and have weird body aches all over. My entire body usually hurts after dialysis. Well two weeks ago I had an especially bad hemo experience, I had massive fluid overload as I'd missed a day so they pulled off over 2 kilos of fluid (for the record, if they pull of more than .7 or .8 at one time regardless of how much fluid overload I have I'm in trouble physically). My grandfather had died two days before and we were having to leave that day after my treatment for an 11 hr drive. Last minute while I was in dialysis my family decided to change the plans... it was as simple as where we were going to stay, but when they told me about the plan changes I got really emotionally upset. Then they started pushing my buttons... wouldn't leave me alone when I tried to get away to calm down and thats when it happened, I freaked out... screaming like a crazy person, started hyperventilating, it was horrible and I felt like a horrible human being. It took a really long time for me to calm down. I have never in my life freaked out that bad... and it wasn't even that big of a deal really.
I'm not trying to make an excuse for how I behaved, but is there any chance that the dialysis process was partly to blame for that? I haven't been on it long enough to really know and understand all its affects, but I know enough that it sucks and I still haven't been poked with a needle (IJ catheter atm).

[Grumpy-1]

WildRose  - yes it quite normal to have changes in personality, emotions, etc.  And when someone is pushing your buttons, it is hard to control yourself. Kidney failure and dialysis change your bodies chemical balance.  You will be more sensitive to some things and less to others.  Yes if they pull too much fluid off you have all the side affects you mentioned.  Have them adjust the amount pulled until you feel better after a treatment.  Grumpy

[Rerun]

People (your family) doesn't understand what you are going through.  An 11 hour drive?  Are you kidding me.  You have just been sitting 4 hours already.  No Way!

[jbeany]

Sounds like a full-blown panic attack.  If you were prone to them before ESRD, the constant chemical imbalance that comes with kidney failure is likely to make them worse.  If you aren't being treated for them already, it's time to work on it.  One more med is probably the last thing you want, but it's better than wondering the next time you are going to blow up.

I had the same issue with the fluid pull.  The docs and nurses were happy if I came in with 2 L on or less.  My body, however, refused to let loose of more than about 1.0 or less, just like yours.  Eventually, I just started restricted my fluids so I could meet my own goals - usually closer to .8.  If I didn't, I was sick the whole day of treatment, and sometimes the days between as well.

[jeannea]

I've heard of people having panic attacks while still hooked up to the dialysis machine. It could have been like a panic attack. Or it could be that you just reached the end of your rope. Sometimes it's healthy to blow off steam. Some cry, some yell, some sleep for days. Whatever works for you. It's hard emotionally being on dialysis. Your family needs to understand that.

[MooseMom]

Geez, after reading your profile/signature, I commend you for not blowing up sooner.

Not long after my first visit with my neph and learning about the shedload of pills I was going to have to take forever and damnever, I threw my recently filled big-assed pill box against the wall in fury and frustration, and pills flew everywhere.  And I wasn't even on D so didn't have that very good excuse.  LOL!

I guess it could have been a panic attack, but after all you've been through, jeannea's "you just reached the end of your rope" theory sound just as plausible, especially given that your family expected you to make an 11 hour trip right after a treatment.  That pretty much throws into your face the fact that they are totally clueless, and frankly, that'd piss me off, too!

 

[Wildrose]

  You all made me laugh, thanks for that Especially the story about throwing pills at the wall (thanks for that one moosemom)... while I've never done that, I've always been a hater of pills. When my Doctor suggested I take a synthetic something or other (i think its called calcitrol) I got upset. I hate taking meds. I've never been a pill popper and lately I've even had to take pain meds from time to time (thanks to all the surgeries and fluid leaking under my lung) and I'm worried about being addicted so I generally won't take anything until I absolutely can't stand it anymore.

jbeany - I've never been prone to panic attacks. It was completely uncharacteristic for me... well, mostly anyways. Haha. Hey, I'm just being honest, I'm not a perfect person but I do try to be a good person!

Rerun - once we got going on the drive (after the delay thanks to my 'panic attack' or bipolar episdoe, lol) it wasn't so bad... I took some pain pills and slept about half of the way so that was nice.

Thank you all for your responses, I feel a bit better knowing that chemical and emotional imbalances aren't uncommon on hemo.

[kitkatz]

I would have a screaming fit when I came home from along day at work, then dialysis, then no dinner. Hubby took to taking me out to eat immediately after dialysis.

[Whamo]

I feel for you.  When you are on the chair for four hours, and you start cramping and sweating like a dog at the end, it's freaking horrible.  As for 2 kilos of fluid, that's nothing, try pulling 4 kilos off.  That will kick your butt.