a bit of a reality check...

[tiredandthirsty]

i have been having family issues lately, which i would rather not get into and waste anyone's time.  related to that, the other day i got into a super huge argument with my brother and his father in law.  i mean it was ALL OUT.  and in that argument, the father in law made a comment "with your situation, you may never be able to marry and have a family, so why don't you and your family try to support your brother and his wife's marriage.  at least your brother will carry on your dad and your grandfather's name and legacy."  (this is loosely translated from a different language)

this was a below the belt hit from him, but there was a touch of reality in it as well.  i didn't actually have an answer for that.  which is usually not the case.  i have a very sharp tongue when needed and i am usually never short of words.  but for this one, i didn't have a riposte.  because i feel this is the truth. 

i guess i just wanted to type this as i don't feel comfortable talking about a lot of things with anyone.  this being one of them.  because i can gauge what their answer is going to be.  usually along the lines of "there's someone out there who won't think that way". 

hope everyone is doing great and keep on doing great forever.

[Joe]

I guess I have to ask why you feel that this bozo's comment has a touch of reality? Why do you think you will not find someone that cares for you as you are? I'm a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone, and eventually you will find your match. My response back to that statement would have been along the lines of "what a shallow, narrow minded view you have about the possibilities of life partners. And of course we are supporting my Brother and his family, that is what family does."

Hang in there.

[jbeany]

Okay, anyone with health problems has to acknowledge that they may not have kids, or a successful relationship, because of it.  Yup, that part of what he said is true.

HOWEVER....what the @#$%@$%# does that have to do with you "supporting" your brother's marriage?  Your possible lack of progeny doesn't mean you have to put up with whatever hot mess your brother and his wife have going.  And carry on the legacy?  Are ya kidding me?  What, is the family kingdom going to fall because there aren't any male heirs to inherit it?  The neighboring country coming to take over the empty throne?

 Honestly, what a crock.   

Your grandfather's and father's legacy will carry on as long someone remembers them.  If it's that much of worry - buy them a memorial brick in some local park.  As for carrying on the name, you are not personally responsible for repopulating the world with kids named after you.  Quite certain the world population is booming, no matter what the kids are named.

[Rerun]

I would think this true of a woman, but your arrow says you are a male and they have kids with CKF.  All the time!  You will find someone AND maybe she will want kids too.  God has a plan for you.

 

[cassandra]

Wow that must have made you so shocked, I agree with all of the above, although I would emphasise: Who is this FIL of your bro anyway? Tell him to give you a kidney next time so you can procreate.

take care Cas

[tiredandthirsty]

I guess I have to ask why you feel that this bozo's comment has a touch of reality? Why do you think you will not find someone that cares for you as you are? I'm a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone, and eventually you will find your match. My response back to that statement would have been along the lines of "what a shallow, narrow minded view you have about the possibilities of life partners. And of course we are supporting my Brother and his family, that is what family does."

Hang in there.

hi, i feel like this comment was a touch of reality particularly for me because i carry with myself something other than just CKD.  and he knows that.  i had my first transplant when i was 10, and that never stopped me from pursuing.  i have loved and failed just like a normal human being.  but things have changed a bit.  and that's why i was unable to say anything back to him regarding that comment.  because i know inside that it is partially true. 

[tiredandthirsty]

Okay, anyone with health problems has to acknowledge that they may not have kids, or a successful relationship, because of it.  Yup, that part of what he said is true.

HOWEVER....what the @#$%@$%# does that have to do with you "supporting" your brother's marriage?  Your possible lack of progeny doesn't mean you have to put up with whatever hot mess your brother and his wife have going.  And carry on the legacy?  Are ya kidding me?  What, is the family kingdom going to fall because there aren't any male heirs to inherit it?  The neighboring country coming to take over the empty throne?

 Honestly, what a crock.   

Your grandfather's and father's legacy will carry on as long someone remembers them.  If it's that much of worry - buy them a memorial brick in some local park.  As for carrying on the name, you are not personally responsible for repopulating the world with kids named after you.  Quite certain the world population is booming, no matter what the kids are named.

hi jbeany, this is the typical thinking of the older crowd in my culture/country.  i don't believe in that crap and neither does my family.  but a lot of people do and these people seem to be one of them.  i have never heard such a statement from anyone else in my family, either on my mum's side or my dad's side.  on any other day, i would have laughed at his face.  but the comment that was tagged along with this part sort of shut my mouth for a bit. 

[tiredandthirsty]

Wow that must have made you so shocked, I agree with all of the above, although I would emphasise: Who is this FIL of your bro anyway? Tell him to give you a kidney next time so you can procreate.

take care Cas

he is no body to me.  he is an a-hole who has stirred up animosity between my brother and I for the first time in 31 years.  i fought with my brother in the worst ways I have ever done in my life.  no holds barred things were said.  but he is after all my brother.  so i took it to heart for a couple of days, but after that i forgot about it.  i told him, i will always be there for you as long as my hands and feet are working.  but i severely HATE his FIL and his wife's face now.  i can't stand seeing them. 

[MommyChick]

Reading what you wrote is HORRIBLE & very RUDE!!  I would have smacked him a few times 

1st:  He had no right saying that to you
2nd: When you least expect it you find the right lady
3rd:  Kids are more so possible for guys then the ladies with CKD
4th:  He probably wouldn't survive a day in your shoes dealing with CKD

My (hubby) /bf at the time were dating & when my transplant failed & told him everything I was dealing with I thought for sure he'd go running for the hills, haha. But for some weird reason he stuck around! Wasn't always easy but we are still together & we even have a 1.5 yrs old. (when told kids were impossible for me). You just have to ignore what other people say to try & put you down & tell yourself your going to be better then that & prove them wrong!!! Just because someone has an illness doesn't mean they cant do something if they put there mind to it. I hate when people think that!

~ Marna 

[kitkatz]

 

[tiredandthirsty]

Reading what you wrote is HORRIBLE & very RUDE!!  I would have smacked him a few times 

1st:  He had no right saying that to you
2nd: When you least expect it you find the right lady
3rd:  Kids are more so possible for guys then the ladies with CKD
4th:  He probably wouldn't survive a day in your shoes dealing with CKD

My (hubby) /bf at the time were dating & when my transplant failed & told him everything I was dealing with I thought for sure he'd go running for the hills, haha. But for some weird reason he stuck around! Wasn't always easy but we are still together & we even have a 1.5 yrs old. (when told kids were impossible for me). You just have to ignore what other people say to try & put you down & tell yourself your going to be better then that & prove them wrong!!! Just because someone has an illness doesn't mean they cant do something if they put there mind to it. I hate when people think that!

~ Marna 

thank you very much for such a wonderful response. 

trust me, i am the last person to give up on myself and what i can do.  but every now and then, there are these lame a$$ people who have absolutely no clue about anything just randomly come and take below the belt shots.  without considering how the other person would feel.  or maybe it was his intention to say such a thing who knows. 

oh and btw, i felt like hitting his continuously constipated looking face more than just once during the whole ordeal. i had to SUPER cONTROL myself :-)..

[Grumpy-1]

any one heard of adoption?  If you physically can't create children, then adopt.  The child will still have the SIR name and carry on the legacy.  Grumpy (adoption isn't so bad - I'm proof)

[MommyChick]

any one heard of adoption?  If you physically can't create children, then adopt.  The child will still have the SIR name and carry on the legacy.  Grumpy (adoption isn't so bad - I'm proof)

I agree