I'm so confused...

[Annig83]

I just need some advice or a friendly ear. 
I'm very confused in my relationship with my boyfriend.  This has been causing me lots of stress and it's killing me thinking about it everyday.  My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years.  He's been supportive of my ESRD and helping me through lots of illness and surgeries.  He has a degenerative back issue, and has been seeing a pain management specialist for almost 2 years.  He recently went off his Oxycodone and went through horrific withdrawl from it.  It was extremely stressful on both of us and our son, since he wanted nothing to do with him when feeling so bad.  He had horrible mood swings, and took a lot of his anxiety and stress out on me, which made me feel worse everyday.  He finally got over the withdrawls, but his back was bothering him because of the lack of pain medication.  He went back to the doctor and she put him on a smaller dose of Oxy, and had him wean himself off again.  He's now currently going through withdrawls again, and I don't know if I can take the abuse again from the mood swings?  Additionally--

We moved to Indianapolis 6 months ago.  I have been a lot happier here, with my doctors, being close to my best friend, and being close to IU (where I would receive a transplant).  We moved from a small town in Northern Indiana, and my boyfriend had several friends there.  He agreed to move here with me because he thought it would be good for jobs, and better in general.  Now he complains that he has no friends, and that it was a mistake (that I MADE) for moving here.  He wants to move down to Tell City Indiana, which is where his mother and brother live.  Which would mean packing up the whole place and moving another three hours away.  I told him I don't care anymore where we live, because honestly, I feel like it's not worth an argument. 
My only support is my friend and she thinks I need to break up with him.  My parents, live in North Carolina now, and I never see them.  I have very little support besides my social worker, friend, and this website.  Mentally, I'm just exhausted, and feel like no one understands.

I don't want to break up with him because I truly love him and want our family to stay whole. I know that his mood swings aren't always something he can control, but it makes me feel like I'm nothing and a burden.  When our relationship is good, it's really good, but when it's bad, I feel so lost and alone.  I also get sick a lot and would fear that I wouldn't be able to take care of my son alone....but currently I'm the only one who can take care of him this last week because he is withdrawling... I currently have bronchitis and a sinus infection with high fevers, and it's so hard to take care of my son. 

I know it would be hard to leave him, and I don't want to do that to my kid, but at this point I'm getting so depressed I don't know what else to do. 

[jeannea]

That all sounds really tough. I don't have any great advice. I think you need to take your time and think it through and maybe find a professional counselor to help you sort it out. I wonder if you can wait out the withdrawl before making a decision. I know that the withdrawl makes things awful for you but obviously he is not himself. Give yourself a little break. You're dealing with so much. Spend some time doing something you like to do so that you feel better. Even if you can only get 30 min of alone time a day. Hang in there. 

[gothiclovemonkey]

hugs

you and i have A LOT in common

Half the time i feel like this wont work because im always sick, and he cant hold a serious convo if his life depended on it. when i try to talk to him he gets defensive and it ends up in an arguement, once it was a near breakup (because of a misunderstanding... never try to talk serious stuff in a text!)

Where you live shouldnt matter as much as who you are with... Does he truly have noone? that could seriosuly be his problem...
I moved here , an hour away or more, from anyone that i know, to be with him, and i feel very isolated. Although im very happy with the new drs and new clinic, i have no family or friends here...
sometimes i feel like i hate it here, but i do love him, even when hes being a booger, so we are here. my son adores him

try to compromise? maybe move somewhere in the middle? does he work? will he easily find work at the new town?? mention these things....

and i leave you with thisf, any relationship is going to have strains, even healthy people are going to eventually have something shitty happen... in my own opinion hes either beside u and u beside him for sick and poor blah blah (ya your not married? so what... doesnt matter. ya live together! )


i hope things turn out better...
and im pretty sure i gave you my number, so use it! :p 

[Annig83]

Thanks Jen- I will use the number, half the time I feel antisocial and don't talk to anyone... (it's not you lol).  He's not currently working, but has a job opportunity coming up.  He's doing a little better now, and went to the doctor today. He doesn't have anyone here at all. That's why he wants to move to Tell City, IN, which means I won't have anyone either, except his Mom, and I hate to say it, but she's one of those "mother-in-laws" who thinks she's always right, and her way is best. I can tolerate her most days, but on my "off days" I need Valium to deal with her lol.   Hopefully, things will work out soon.