Dating

[bansix]

Are there and dating sites for Dialysis patients?
It seems to me that I can't date anymore. Unless I can find a female in my exact situation.
It's not like I can offer someone a long term relationship, so that rules out marriage. Also with my libido pretty much gone, I can't really offer a "casual" relationship. Just looking for someone to "be with".

[SugarBear]

There is a group on Facebook that was start by a person who either has kidney disease or is already on dialysis.  It was just recently start so the group is slowly growing. 

Here is the link:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/AblityConnections/

[deniferfer]

I know how you feel.. I'm don't think I am going to find a guy unless they are like you said in the same situation or are very understanding of my limitations.

As for marriage I don't see why not..if they are willing to marry you knowing everything and accept that, I say go for it!

I'm lucky that my libido is ok and I still have wants and desires but I totally get the feeling of just wanting some one to be with and have a friendship. Like right now I'm home alone on a computer and everyone else is out having fun!! NOT COOL!!!

As for dating sites..I really don't know of any..I tried one and put in my info...no matches...so went back and put a huge range of what I wanted...age 1-100, don't care what they had wrong, anywhere...and got back no match!!! I think that site had was dead. 


I know I'm not much help but I want to let you know I get where you coming from...

[brandi1leigh]

I'm 37 and 100% understand. I don't want to get married, but someone to "go out with" every once in awhile would be nice.

[jbeany]

I know the feeling- more friends to just go places with would be good.  I feel like I've lost the knack of making "hang out" friends after all the time I spent sick.  I love spending time with my 13 year old nephew, but I would occasionally like a male escort mature enough to want to go listen to live jazz - and old enough to get into the bar where the band is playing!

[KarenInWA]

I am thankful I have friends to hang out with. I am single and 38. I have pretty much given up on dating the men who live in my area, just because the misery that comes with their company is no longer worth it to me. Men don't really like me, and only look at me as someone to string along with, get their way with, then dump me, or disappear so that I dump them. I am done with all of the games. All most men in my area want is to just get laid, anyway. It would be nice to have someone male to go out and do things with, but they're going to expect sex sooner rather than later. Now that I am a transplant patient and on these meds, I am no longer willing to do that anymore, especially since idiots in my past have proven to me that doing that is just not worth it. I feel that a man has to be "hpv worthy" in order for me to sleep with him, because most of the adult population has or has had hpv, and now that I can't fight it off like I used to be able to, someone who strings me along just to dump me is NOT going to be worth more medical issues on my part. I am very adament about this. Then there are all the other std nasties out there that are worse than hpv! Nope, not worth it, sorry - NEXT!!!

Can you tell I'm bitter? I am an American, yet I refuse to waste my time with American men. I'm fed up and not going to do it anymore. If I met someone IRL who proves me otherwise, then I may change my stance. But, I will never ever again joing a "dating" website. Certainly not a mainstream one. Dating sucks!!!

KarenInWA

[jbeany]

I am thankful I have friends to hang out with. I am single and 38. I have pretty much given up on dating the men who live in my area, just because the misery that comes with their company is no longer worth it to me. Men don't really like me, and only look at me as someone to string along with, get their way with, then dump me, or disappear so that I dump them. I am done with all of the games. All most men in my area want is to just get laid, anyway. It would be nice to have someone male to go out and do things with, but they're going to expect sex sooner rather than later. Now that I am a transplant patient and on these meds, I am no longer willing to do that anymore, especially since idiots in my past have proven to me that doing that is just not worth it. I feel that a man has to be "hpv worthy" in order for me to sleep with him, because most of the adult population has or has had hpv, and now that I can't fight it off like I used to be able to, someone who strings me along just to dump me is NOT going to be worth more medical issues on my part. I am very adament about this. Then there are all the other std nasties out there that are worse than hpv! Nope, not worth it, sorry - NEXT!!!

Can you tell I'm bitter? I am an American, yet I refuse to waste my time with American men. I'm fed up and not going to do it anymore. If I met someone IRL who proves me otherwise, then I may change my stance. But, I will never ever again joing a "dating" website. Certainly not a mainstream one. Dating sucks!!!

KarenInWA

I've come to the conclusion that my perfect date would be a single gay man.  Sad, funny, and true!

[Chris]

With all my medical issues, I avoid it, saves me money too! However as mentioned before, it might be better for me to date someone who is in a similar situation. In my case, she best have vision, we don't need the blind leading the blind jokes 
 
IHD did try a dating section a few years back, but it did not work out and closed.

[RichardMEL]

Karen I told you I *had* to leave the country - my visa only allows so much time to visit or else CBP come after me with a big hammer!!!! Seriously "It's not about you, it's about me!"..... 

As Chris noted a "Renal Romance" site was attempted some years back and fell about as flat as some peoples libido seems to be... which is sad.. a great idea somehow just not too many takers (and yes I signed on).

Yes, I understand what everyone is saying about the issues involved with dating ranging from the pgysical/practical(ie doing dialysis, libido or, ahem, physical sexual issues) through to the emotional ("Nobody wants to date a 'sick' person") and so on.

I won't say it's easy.. it's not (and hey I'm still single, since I had to leave Karen in Vegas after our wedding fell apart  ) but I also want to point out that we have many examples right here of relationships that have worked for kidney patients! I always pull out the "poster couple" example - Tamara and Allan. I'm not sure Tamara comes on here much these days, but I think most people know the awesome story - she met Allan either two weeks before, or two weeks after having to start dialysis... that was like 10 years ago. This man stuck with her through all that stuff and eventually became not only her wonderful donor, but also her loving husband. Now that covers it all - from dealing with meeting and dating a "sick" person, right through to hanging in there, supporting them and of course marriage - like I said "poster couple"

Now sure, that's the "1 in 1000" kind of holywood story you think "nah that doesn't really happen" - but think about it - regular IHDers have met and been involved with non kidney people - GLM has her guy PJ and he's sticking with her through her struggles and has done for wow, maybe a year now? I'm not sure it's been awhile anyway.. no two week fling anyway. Poppylicious and her Blokey are kind of similar to Allan and Tamara, though I am not sure what stage Blokey was at when they met.

I also want to relate that in the years since I started D I've dated a few women (no harem, maybe 3?) but the thing I found most interesting (apart from the ladies themselves) was that each of them seemed to not worry so much about the medical stuff. I would bring it up and voice my concerns about how they may feel or that I ddn't want to burden them with that and the response was usually something like "It's my choice and I want to share this with you" - now due to my awesomely bad personality those relationships didn't last, but I don't think that the kidney factor was a big part of that.  See this is the same personality that when Karen asked to do something interesting and different for a date I made sure that right after I landed I got her straight to the ER for some quality hospital time!!! The only "laying" I did then was on the cot in the room - the one with the big dip in the middle!!!! 

Of course it's easy to point to a few examples of successful relationships and claim it always works out.. of course it  doesn't. Reality is that a lot of people, shallow people, will make quick surface judgements - my response is that they're not the droids we're looking for anyway.. still others, like the recent poster here with a dilemma about her newish relationship (I think it was RocketGirl) with a CKD guy and recognising issues with the rship... so yeah it is difficult to find someone who can accept our various situations.. but it's also not impossible.....

[jeannea]

I don't think that I remember what dating is. My teenage niece likes that I'm not married because then I'm available to drive her around. But even before I got sick I had no luck dating. I guess I'm not good looking or have a lousy personality or both.

Right now I only think about marriage in terms of being on someone's health insurance. That would be nice.

[KarenInWA]

I don't think that I remember what dating is. My teenage niece likes that I'm not married because then I'm available to drive her around. But even before I got sick I had no luck dating. I guess I'm not good looking or have a lousy personality or both.

Right now I only think about marriage in terms of being on someone's health insurance. That would be nice.

I'm with you jeannea, I also did not have any luck "dating" before the ESRD bandwagon hit. Anytime I attracted a man that was close to my age and had a job, he didn't like me and either dumped me or stopped calling. Otherwise, the only men who have shown interest are either older, have nothing going for them, or married. I am thankful that I am gainfully employed, have excellent medical benefits, and can take care of myself. I have to, I have no other choice, because I certainly can't rely on a "man" to help me out with that. Any that I have wasted my time on have absolutely refused to be anything more than a waste of time. Now I am so bitter, and it shows, that I feel it is no longer worth trying. I do have my special friendship with RM, and I wouldn't trade that for anything! He has done more for me than any "man" who lives within driving distance of me, that's for sure!

KarenInWA

[Gerald Lively]

Dating has its hazards. I sprained an ankle climbing out the bedroom window when the husband came home early.

[RichardMEL]

I do have my special friendship with RM, and I wouldn't trade that for anything! He has done more for me than any "man" who lives within driving distance of me, that's for sure!

KarenInWA

This is because I only meet *two* of Karen's Kriteria (spelling deliberate):

- older TICK
- has nothing going for them TICK
- married CROSS

 

[GoingThere]

Well, I must add my experiences as I worry about bumps on my arm all the time 

Since starting D I have dated many girls and no one had issues with my D and not being together was a result as in any other relationship (lack of communication, not enough chemistry, different interests,) When I meet a woman I'd tell her about my condition instantly. So If she'd have doubts, i would spend energy on her. From the beginning of my D I had only 1 such experience.
Currently I'm dating with a very nice girl who struggles to keep with my bike riding and sexual desires

GT

[Whamo]

Gerald, 

[cattlekid]

Here's my two cents that I may have provided before when this topic has come up. 

My husband and I were married for six years when I had to start dialysis. He is actually better with all of this medical stuff than I am because he is the veteran of several brain surgeries (!) and was baptized in the hospital as he was not expected to survive as an infant.  Because of this, he is one of my biggest advocates.  He may grouse and moan when I have to stay up late to finish a dialysis session (we do it at home), but when he is on the phone with his friends or family, he always has glowing things to say about me (he doesn't know I sometimes catch his conversations LOL). 

I would second the advice that if you are in the dating world, don't hide the fact that you are in ESRD and are on dialysis.  Then you will know from the beginning whether or not the other person is worth your time and energy.  I realize that it sucks that most people probably flee at the first mention of illness, but it's their loss, not yours. 

[bansix]

there was a girl started seeing a year ago about this time, when I went into renal failure in august. it delayed us being official as a couple cause we were almost there. so we didn't become official until october after a holloween party.
we just broke up this weekend, all the adventures we would go on last summer I definately wouldn't be able to do this summer. shes a teacher and school just let out for the summer friday. and i'm sure she wants to fill her summers with adventures...
i wouldn't have made it through this year without her though, so i'm thankful for the time we had. but i could see how frustrated she was getting, mostly because me not being able too much time with her. between work, errands, and dialysis, i could only see her saturday nights. i've heard of many normal people breaking over not spending enough time together. but we got an excuse right?

[ChrisEtc]

Wow, now I'm bummed reading how jaded folks have gotten.  I know that a lot of people kind of suck and are selfish and what have you but I don't see much choice than but remain hopeful.  My trouble is that the women I find that are amazing to me already married!  There's a nurse at my clinic that is so amazing, I'd ask her to marry me in a heartbeat if she weren't married.  Lol

[Whamo]

Chris,  Nurses make excellent wives.  I know.  I've got one! 

[Jean]

Guys, my beautiful daughter is now 52 years old and finally has found some one she can settle down with. And, she is healthy, so personally I think it is just a matter of luck, not D.

[MaryJoe]

Whamo -     I agree...I'm both!! !

***  The content of this message was approved by my husband before posting***  (he's also my "grip monitor"!)

[Chris]

Luck and money would be beneficial


As far as nurses go, I would need to learn a new language the way local hospital is.

[deniferfer]

Hey I'm not giving up!! I can't let some bad apples, discriminant against the others. I just hope there are some left in America cuz going out of the the country is not a option for me.(as much as I would like to!!) 

 But I have even kinda made list of what I want to find in a guy and I'm determent he is out there. I also really do believe it will happen when and where you least expect it.You almost can't go looking.  Just be yourself and someone is going to see it and really like it and little things like D won't  even matter to them.   

[Chris]

3 words came to mind, mail order bride , but then that money part comes into play

[deniferfer]

3 words came to mind, mail order bride , but then that money part comes into play

Well seems a bit unfair, guys get to have that....we need a male order guide for us girls!!!