Letting Off Some Steam, To My IHD Family

[Dragonfly]

Here we go again. Sitting here crying on the 4th because I was left out of my family's celebration. They always leave me and my daughter out. Let me tell you the makeup of my family...

Mom & Dad - deceased
Sister & Me - Alive
Sisters four children
Girl one - three girls
Girl two - three boys one girl
Boy one - wife, stepdaughter and daughter, one on the way
Girl three - husband, one boy, one girl, one on the way
Me just the one girl


such a small family and it's like my daughter and I are the outcast. I try repeatedly try to just forget them and just think of her and I and that's it. But it is hard and it hurts, I wasn't raised like this. They know my daughter would love to swim and be around the other kids. and the funny thing is, my cuz is always invited to all the functions, even though his wife and daughter steal from them. I really want to hate them, but the my mother's voice sets and and says, "hate is such a strong word". What do I do? How do I deal with this? I really don't need this right now. I don't need to feel rejected and unwanted. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. I am ?

[kyshiag]

Is there a reason you think they are purposely leaving you out?  I come from a fairly large family and sometimes the invitations are word of mouth which means someone may have inadvertently not told.  I don't take this personally.  I also skip out on many holiday celebration because I don't feel like all the noise that will be present.  I hope they don't take that personally.

If you think they really don't want to be bothered, you can always celebrate with friends or host a party yourself.

In no instance should you let it ruin your holiday.  Even though my mother has 12 brothers and sisters, the most special Thanksgiving I can remember is when my mother decided to just spend Thanksgiving at home with just me and my two sisters--when we were all kids

[jeannea]

I'm sorry you're being left out. That's hurtful. There could be all kinds of reasons so I won't speculate. I suspect though that your only options are to put up with it or ask them outright. I always chicken out when it comes to asking my family outright why they exclude me. I know they think the restrictions I have with diet or activity make me a party pooper.

I hope you can find a way to make times special with your daughter and enjoy them.

[rsudock]

sorry your feelings are hurt...that would make me sad too!   

xo,
R

[Jean]

Yes, sorry your feelings are hurt. Sometimes family can hurt you more than any one else can. Hope this gets either better for you or easier to handle. You have enough on your hands without this.

[okarol]

I hate to say it, but families suck.
Some people are just not all that great, even if you're related to them.
Try not to let it get you down.
Make some friends and spend time with them on holidays.
"Friends are the family we give ourselves" says my friend Barbara!

[jbeany]

 

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself - it's not breaking any rules.  It's just hard to live with long term and stay sane.  It's a big mental leap to get to the point where you can say "This is their issue - I don't have to focus on it."  We all have expectations of what our family should be like, and it's hard to get past the disappointment when things don't work out the way we think and hope they should. 

Can you make your own plans for the next family get-together?  I don't know the kid's ages, but could you have your daughter call her cousins and invite them personally?  If you can forge a connection between the kids, it might strengthen all the family ties.

[Brightsky69]

Don't feel bad. I don't do anything with my family either. I have my mom and three brothers. That's just how we are....we don't get together much. Everyone tends to do their own thing. Granted the wives of my brothers have always thought it was weird and have tried to goad us into getting together as a family but it never works for long. We try to see each other during the holidays but that’s about it. Oh and we all live in the same area….no one is more than 45 minutes away from each other.
Could your family assume that since you’re dealing with dialysis that you’re too ill to attend any functions? You’d be surprised at what your family doesn’t know about kidney disease. They could just be ignorant? 
My mom gave me my first kidney. So you would think she would know about kidney issues. Nope! She walked into my bedroom back when I was on dialysis and saw all my supplies and said “What’s all this stuff?”   

[jeannea]

Oh Brightsky you made me laugh. Probably wasn't funny to you at the time though.

What is it about family that just pushes all your buttons? Sometimes I just hate family and other times I love them. I wish we could have IHD gatherings so we could make new family. But it's great having the online family to come to when our families drive us nuts.

[Brightsky69]

What is it about family that just pushes all your buttons?

jeannea - I am glad you laughed.  We gotta laugh once in a while cause if not we'd all go crazy. 

I'll teel ya the thing about family is...ya can't pick em! 

[Brightsky69]

LOL  I should have told my mom it's all QVC stuff yeah.. I went on a shopping spree.    Gotta love her!

I could tell her the moon is made from cheese and she would say 'Oh wow! I didn't know that!'   

[looneytunes]

I hate to say it, but families suck.
Some people are just not all that great, even if you're related to them.
Try not to let it get you down.
Make some friends and spend time with them on holidays.
"Friends are the family we give ourselves" says my friend Barbara!

Once again, Carol, you've nailed it.   Dragonfly, I hope things get better for you soon and you and your daughter find some new traditions and reasons to celebrate.   

[*kana*]

You’d be surprised at what your family doesn’t know about kidney disease. They could just be ignorant? 
My mom gave me my first kidney. So you would think she would know about kidney issues. Nope! She walked into my bedroom back when I was on dialysis and saw all my supplies and said “What’s all this stuff?”   

My uncle, who recieved a kidney himself and was on the list for a short time always asks me if I heard anything from the list yet.  Uhm, yeah.  They give me an update every month and I am number 45,956.  See....I'm moving up Uncle!     People in the know still say the dumbest things.