Rabbi to receive Pastor's kidney

S.J. rabbi to receive pastor's kidney

By BARBARA S. ROTHSCHILD
Courier-Post Staff

MOUNT LAUREL

With Hanukkah in progress and Christmas only a week away, it is the season to recall miracles.

In South Jersey, it is also the season to celebrate a new miracle -- one which, like those of old, is a tale of sacrifice and dedication. Like the ancient events still celebrated, this new happening is a modern affirmation of life and its precious nature.

On Thursday morning, after a year of fits and starts, high hopes and setbacks, the Rev. Karen Onesti, pastor of Mount Laurel's Masonville-Rancocas United Methodist Church, called Reform Rabbi Andrew Bossov of Adath Emanu-El, spiritual leader of the township's only synagogue, with the news both had been waiting to hear.

The kidney transplant team at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania had given the green light for life-saving surgery in which Onesti will donate a kidney to the rabbi, who is currently on dialysis.

"I feel about Andy the way I feel about my own brother," Onesti said.

Bossov said he can hardly wait for the surgery.

"Dialysis takes its toll on me and my lifestyle, as well as on my family. But I wanted Karen to get through her busy Christmas season," Bossov said.

The pair will meet with the surgical team on Jan. 8 to schedule the operation within 30 days.

That means the minister will be able to get through the Christmas season and the rabbi can spend all eight days of Hanukkah celebrating his own miracle as well as the one of the oil that burned for eight days instead of one so long ago.

Bossov, 47, suffers from interstitial nephritis, a slowly progressing kidney failure that in the rabbi's case appears to stem from an adverse reaction to medication he took years ago. He and Onesti, 49, met four years ago when both were new to the Mount Laurel clergy scene.

Bossov, who lives in Cherry Hill with his wife and two daughters, arrived from Sarasota, Fla., to become the then-junior rabbi at Adath Emanu-El. Onesti, who lives in Clayton and is married with a grown son and daughter, had taken over the ministry of what is now Masonville-Rancocas United Methodist Church.

The two became friends through the Interfaith Council of Greater Mount Laurel.

For nine years, Bossov had 25 percent normal kidney function, living a full life with medication to help his body get rid of excess salt, potassium, phosphorus and other minerals he could not eliminate on his own.

But in February, the rabbi learned his kidney function had decreased to under 10 percent, enabling him to get on the list for a transplant.

"We had a meeting of the interfaith group shortly after that, and I happened to mention I was now listed. Karen said, "Oh, I'll give you one of my kidneys.' It was not more complicated than that," Bossov said.

"My family has great kidneys. We live into our 90s and we don't die of kidney failure," Onesti recalled telling Bossov.

Then, she added, "You have to pray that my husband Frank agrees."

There was a lot of praying going on. Karen Onesti spent the rest of the day praying about what she was contemplating, then discussed it with her husband of 29 years that night.

Frank Onesti said that if it was God's will, it would happen.

"The selfish side of you would say she doesn't have to do this. But that's the point," Frank Onesti said.

"Rabbi Andy can't really survive unless somebody is willing to do this. You have to be proactive and reach out to do something that really matters. And, you just have to leave it up to God," he said.

The Onestis' son, Chris, 27, was immediately OK with the decision. Their daughter Alaina, 26, was taken aback at first but has come to understand.

The need became more urgent in early July, when Bossov's condition became serious enough to put him on dialysis. Bossov spends four hours a day, three days a week hooked up to the machine that cleanses his blood.

With the donor surgery posing little risk and the survival rate for kidney donor recipients very good, Onesti's decision became even easier.

Onesti began months of testing for compatibility and to ensure there were no health problems to negate her good intentions.

Bossov's parents are over 60 and thus ineligible to be donors.

His older and younger brothers were ineligible for medical reasons. For a while, it looked like a sister-in-law might be the one, but that, too, didn't pan out. A cousin and a family friend also were found to be ineligible.

Once Onesti and Bossov were deemed blood-compatible -- he is type A-positive, and she is type O-positive -- an exhaustive examination of the minister's blood showed all was in the normal range.

Although Onesti was not considered overweight, she began an exercise regime to shed some pounds, as recommended during her donor orientation in order to be in optimum health. Becoming a donor was helping her focus on her own physical well-being.

But there is a strong spiritual component to the journey as well.

"Yes, I do see God in it, but God is not a compelling force," Onesti said. "God gently leads, and we have to respond. Ultimately, it's not up to me."

Bossov, too, believes it is God's will that Onesti was in the right place at the right time.

On Dec. 1, Bossov was placed on the active list for a donor kidney, and was told he had the option to wait for a perfect six-point match. The decision was easy.

"I have a living donor who's been busting her buns to get accepted, why would I wait?" he said.

There are two ways of removing the donor kidney, from the back and laparoscopically. Onesti qualified for the laparoscopic alternative, which carries the same recovery time but less discomfort.

She expects to be out of the hospital within a week, while Bossov's hospital stay will depend on how quickly he heals. He is trying to keep in optimum shape, even exercising when possible, to facilitate healing.

Bossov's wife, Nancy, and daughters Elisabeth, 16, and Avra, 13, have been hoping the transplant would happen soon.

"I believe what's happening between my dad and Karen is the most prominent example of a healthy interfaith relationship that I and others in the community have ever seen. The demonstration of pure human kindness makes me truly admire Karen and all her efforts to help my dad live a healthier and more fulfilling life, Elisabeth Bossov said.

The rabbi said being on dialysis hasn't turned his family life upside down, but has made a definite difference.

"In nine years of being treated medically, I didn't feel like I was going to die. And, I don't feel that way now. This is just another step. Everything will be better. I'll get a kidney and be OK.

"This has shown me that life is altogether too precious. It wasn't my time to go, so there must be more for me to do. I pray for the wisdom to make best use of this extra time that Karen is giving me," Bossov said.
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TO LEARN MORE
To register as an organ donor locally or for more information on organ donation, visit Gift of Life Organ Donor Program at www.donors1.org or call (215) 557-8090.

For more information on organ transplants, visit The Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network at www.optn.org or United Network for Organ Sharing at www.unos.org.

New Jersey residents can start the process to organ donation by designating themselves as donors on their driver's licenses. People can also carry organ donor cards.

By becoming an organ/tissue donor, one person can save or enhance the lives of more than 50 people, Gift of Life spokesman John Green said.

Reach Barbara Rothschild at (856) 486-2416 or brothschild@courierpostonline.com
Published: December 17. 2006 3:10AM

original: http://www.courierpostonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061217/NEWS01/612170358