Just couldn't take it anymore, so...

[MooseMom]

I got a prescription for Xanax.  I was so incredibly anxious the week before my last neph appt that I really worried that I was making myself sick.  After 6 years of doing this, you'd think that I'd get used to the anxiety, but it just seemed so much worse this past time.  I mentioned this to my neph's nurse, and she actually told me that I had "come a long way" and that she remembered the first time she met me and how horribly anxious I was.  I must have been a real basket case back then because this last week felt like the worst ever.  I can't do that ever again, so I decided to ask Mr. Walgreens for some help.

Do any of you take anything for anxiety?  I don't plan to take this on a regular basis, just for the week before I get my results.  The bottle has only 20 pills in it; hopefully I won''t need to take all 20 at once!

[jbeany]

I took something when my mom was dying.  I was trying to run between my job, the family business and the hospital 4 hours away.  Mentally, I felt like I was coping reasonably well.  My blood sugar didn't agree with that, though!  It was sky high, even if I ate perfectly all week.  My doc gave me happy pills.  I stayed on them for almost a year.  That covered the months in the spring while she was dying, the summer spent trying to take over the work of two people at the family restaurant while my kidney function was dropping away, and planning my wedding that fall.  Three weeks after the wedding, with the family business closed for the season the day after the wedding, I "relaxed" with my meds to the point that I couldn't stay awake most of the day!  I went the pills off as fast as I could then...

But, oh when you need them, they are so very, very helpful!

[carol1987]

Moosemom...

I just wanted to let you know that  had my first dialysis and it went well....
Nothing I say will make you lose all anxiety but I hope it can help to know that the dialysis was really not that bad.  I was VERY anxious before starting.... but used my emla cream and the sticks were not that bad.  You really don't feel anything during the dialysis....  maybe a bit tired...  I have had 3 treatments( 3 days in a row in hospital) started at a slower speed and shorter time and on third day was up to  almost the full speed and 3 hours of D. 

Unfortunatly we are on this journey....  but don't waste your non  dialysis time worrying about the dialysis.... you will be OK!!!   

 Reading here and the information I had accumulated REALLY helped!!
 I am glad you are going to take something if it will help you!!!!
Carol in Nj

 

[MooseMom]

Oh,carol, thank you so much for taking the time to post that.  It really does help a lot.  I hope everything continues to go well for you.  It must be something of a relief to have those first few treatments behind you!

[KICKSTART]

Luckily ?? I didnt have time to worry, D was on me before i knew it ! So is that a good or bad thing? But that was many years ago ! Are you set on Hemo? or could you do pd? Im am certain you would find pd a far gentler introduction to dialysis, once you get over the initial shaking of doing your first exchanges home alone ! And believe me you do shake , then somewhere down the line it changed to blaise and i could do it with my eyes shut in a dark room    Hemo is a different trip , just look at mine! Its like anything, the fear of the unknown. Im sure that once you dip your toe into the pool of dialysis, you'll soon be doing lengths of the pool and thinking ..'its boring , i dont want to go, do i have too, but its not so bad after all ! 

[Jean]

MM, I have been taking Lexapro since I had my heart attack and now also taking lorazapam as a sleeping aid. Yes, I do sleep a lot, but, I dont care, it beats crying all the time.

[Hazmat35]

I have a HUGE phobia of needles.  I use the numbing cream on my arm about 1 1/2 hours before I start Dialysis, so it is good and numb.  And about an hour before, I take [2] Xanax to help relax. 

I just can't stand the idea of being stuck!  It doesn't hurt because of the creams, and it is done, really quick, but just sitting in the chair, waiting my turn until they are ready DRIVES ME CRAZY, so the pills help a little.  Then I take a nap for about 2 hours, and boom, I'm almost done!

[carol1987]

hazmat... I am finding that learning to cope with the process/procedures is such a big part of kidney failure!!

And trying to not think too far ahead!!!    I have not needed anything so far.... but i wonder if taking the edge off may make me a better wife/mom.... Thank you all for sharing so i know that there are options...

[MooseMom]

I've thought long and hard about what exactly is causing me to be anxious.  I suppose the answer to that will change as I go through the process.  I'm not all that worried about needles, funnily enough.  When I imagine myself learning to self-cannulate, I'd get all weirded out.  What DOES cause me anxiety, though, is the fear of feeling unwell all the time, the idea of becoming disabled/handicapped, the thought of deterioration and dialysis contributing to that instead of relieving it.

[natnnnat]

Then I take a nap for about 2 hours, and boom, I'm almost done!

Doesn't sound like a bad idea. 

[woodsman]

I got a prescription for Xanax.  I was so incredibly anxious the week before my last neph appt that I really worried that I was making myself sick.  After 6 years of doing this, you'd think that I'd get used to the anxiety, but it just seemed so much worse this past time.  I mentioned this to my neph's nurse, and she actually told me that I had "come a long way" and that she remembered the first time she met me and how horribly anxious I was.  I must have been a real basket case back then because this last week felt like the worst ever.  I can't do that ever again, so I decided to ask Mr. Walgreens for some help.

Do any of you take anything for anxiety?  I don't plan to take this on a regular basis, just for the week before I get my results.  The bottle has only 20 pills in it; hopefully I won''t need to take all 20 at once!

How close are you to D??. I am still waiting for tuesday of next week and i am a bit on edge myself. Maybe i should ask for some get over it pills??. The waiting is so tough i am making plans but in my mind i know they may change after my visit...  oh man why us???

[MooseMom]

woodsman, I really don't know how close I am to D.  Late last year, my egfr finally dipped below 20, so that's when I began the transplant eval process.  I got my fistula in March.  I was listed in July.  My egfr on my last visit was 15; it seems to veer anywhere between 15 and 18.  I'm losing just over a gram of protein which is not great but it's not disastrous.  The rest of my labs are actually pretty good...no anemia, calcium and K within normal limits.  Next time I'll be tested for phos and PTH and vitamin D.  My neph and I have already had some of "the discussion" and I've told him I'd like to do NxStage.  I think I am as prepared as anyone can be, but that final step onto D is really frightening.  Each time I am due to see the neph, I just don't know what to expect.  I hate being sandbagged.  And I agree with you...the waiting is truly, truly excruciating.

Back in August, I spent a week with relatives in S. Cal after my mom's death.  It was horribly hot, and I was uncomfortable the whole time.  My relatives may be elderly but my God, are they active.  I just got really tired.  Since I've been home, I've not felt well, and that's what made me particularly nervous about my latest appt.  I was really a mess.  I was truly inconsolable.  I hated that feeling; I'd felt it before, but this time just felt so much worse.  Maybe that was because I really wasn't feeling to great.  I tried everything to make myself feel better, but THAT was exhausting me, too.  So I finally decided that since I take so many pills anyway, if one more can help me cope better, then I'm all for it.  The neph didn't bat an eye.  I'm sure he's seen all of this before.

I've been thinking about you and your appt.  I'm really eager to hear what the results are and what your next step is.  Being "a bit on edge" is an understatement!

[Hazmat35]

woodsman, I really don't know how close I am to D.  Late last year, my egfr finally dipped below 20, so that's when I began the transplant eval process.  I got my fistula in March.  I was listed in July.  My egfr on my last visit was 15; it seems to veer anywhere between 15 and 18.  I'm losing just over a gram of protein which is not great but it's not disastrous.  The rest of my labs are actually pretty good...no anemia, calcium and K within normal limits.  Next time I'll be tested for phos and PTH and vitamin D.  My neph and I have already had some of "the discussion" and I've told him I'd like to do NxStage.  I think I am as prepared as anyone can be, but that final step onto D is really frightening.  Each time I am due to see the neph, I just don't know what to expect.  I hate being sandbagged.  And I agree with you...the waiting is truly, truly excruciating.

Back in August, I spent a week with relatives in S. Cal after my mom's death.  It was horribly hot, and I was uncomfortable the whole time.  My relatives may be elderly but my God, are they active.  I just got really tired.  Since I've been home, I've not felt well, and that's what made me particularly nervous about my latest appt.  I was really a mess.  I was truly inconsolable.  I hated that feeling; I'd felt it before, but this time just felt so much worse.  Maybe that was because I really wasn't feeling to great.  I tried everything to make myself feel better, but THAT was exhausting me, too.  So I finally decided that since I take so many pills anyway, if one more can help me cope better, then I'm all for it.  The neph didn't bat an eye.  I'm sure he's seen all of this before.

I've been thinking about you and your appt.  I'm really eager to hear what the results are and what your next step is.  Being "a bit on edge" is an understatement!

I was same as you.  My GFR kept dropping, but all my labs were good, so my Neph held off on the Dialysis.  I felt good, then all of a sudden starting losing strength and energy.  That is when he put me on Dialysis.  After that, I was back at it!  I felt MUCH better. 

[paris]

Medicine is there to help us.  If you need it, it may help you through this anxious time.

Also, 5 years ago, my gfr fluctuated between 12 and 15.  An awesome member (Meinuk) reminded me that she stayed at 15 % for 5 years!  She gave me so much encouragement and I realized it wasn't just the numbers.  I wanted to be like Meinuk and I did it!    I'm praying with all my might that your levels will stay stable for a long time.   And I hope you find something that can help with your anxiety.  That is no fun at all!   

[MooseMom]

Paris, I was diagnosed back in 1992, but it wasn't until 2004 that I discovered how bad my kidneys were.  Since then, I hovered just above 21 until around T-giving last year when I dipped below 20.  I've read a lot from both you and Meinuk about how long the two of you stayed around 15, so I get some hope from you both.  I will be very grateful if I can hang on for several more years, but I know that I will also be anxious, and I am frankly tired of having my dialysis-free time marred by anxiety.  I really have tried everything, but I guess you just can't fight the way you're wired.  My coping mechanisms work most of the time, but for the times that they don't...well, I need help and I don't mind admitting to that.  I also have to think about my husband; if I can take a pill that will make me easier to live with during Hell Weeks, then I'll do it, otherwise he might divorce me!   I'd divorce me!

[paris]

I did it! Pills that is!   It made me more bearable and it made me enjoy things again.  I had a mass the size of a volleyball and then surgery and my family thought I was dying.  I was transferred to another hospital and waited in a total state of panic.  I needed some kind of help to get me through this time. (I didn't die!   )  Then the kidneys started going.   My husband does not believe in medicines for depression, anxiety, etc.  He thinks you can get through things alone.  Well, I couldn't.  Zoloft worked great for me.  And I continue to use it.  My chest would hurt so bad with anxiety and would have throwing up migranes that put me down and out.  That is all gone now.  I feel so much better.  I still have lots of emotions!  I cry, get sad - the whole range of emotions.  But, I feel able to handle things now.    I agree about the divorce thing!  Who would want to live with us in that state?      

I found so much hope in all the good stories here. When I met Kelly T. in Las Vegas, she was at 7%, not on dialysis and had a living donor transplant the next month.  There are so many guiding lights here, inspiring stories, and great support.   My hope waivered some last June when I had to do my 5th year of evaluations to stay on the list.  You can only hear "no chance in hell" so many times!  But, people here picked me back up and pushed me forward.    I love seeing how active you are here---you are now one of those "informed patients" and taking great control of your health.  You can inspire others.   Get a prescription and get rid of anxiety so you can enjoy this period of time.   Let me know what you do.  I am worried for you.  I know you don't like feeling like this.   

[MooseMom]

I filled the prescription and plan to use it when necessary.  I started worrying that I was worrying too much, and that was sorta the last straw.

[VintageVera]

DEAR MOOSE MOM: Xanax is what they gave me in the hospital for headache when they insterted my peritoneal tubing as well as did a biopsy. I now have a "take as needed" prescription and use it both for headaches as we can't take aspirin and for anxiety. I have no qualms about taking it. Hope this helps. VERA

[MooseMom]

DEAR MOOSE MOM: Xanax is what they gave me in the hospital for headache when they insterted my peritoneal tubing as well as did a biopsy. I now have a "take as needed" prescription and use it both for headaches as we can't take aspirin and for anxiety. I have no qualms about taking it. Hope this helps. VERA

I have a "take as needed" prescription, too, and actually just having it handy eases my anxiety.