i wish i could make them understand...

[angieskidney]

Whoo hoo!  Now go back to bed a celebrate. LOL

lol

Ya I gotta do more around here and you guys give good advice! 

[nextnoel]

Congrats on your success, Angela!   Ya done good!

I love the practical advice you guys provide  - I adopted the 20-min. rule as of 2 days ago, and little by little, I'm digging my way out to having a normal apartment; it still looks as if a Salvation Army store exploded, but it's getting better!

[Sara]

Angela, how are you doing the last few days?

[angela515]

I have been getting some things done.  I did some laundry, only 1 load a day, but got it all done. I wrote myself a few daily chores and dived them throughout the day to do. I have been taking a shower after my kids head off to school, as it helps me not go back to bed because it refreshes me and wakes me up. So all-in-all, I think I am doing well this week! Thanks 

[Sara]

Sounds great!  I hope your dad is noticing, but even if he isn't, do it for YOU.   

[angieskidney]

I have been getting some things done.  I did some laundry, only 1 load a day, but got it all done. I wrote myself a few daily chores and dived them throughout the day to do. I have been taking a shower after my kids head off to school, as it helps me not go back to bed because it refreshes me and wakes me up. So all-in-all, I think I am doing well this week! Thanks 

I am so proud of you! Really I feel the same way as you and this advice helps!  I have noticed if I get myself into a shower it does wake me up as well. Especially since my building's water temp seems not quite hot enough ..

[nextnoel]

Good for you, Angela - sounds as if you're in control!  I'm trying to follow your example now!

[MattyBoy100]

Hey Ang,

You're doing great!   

[Panda_9]

Your dad sounds a bit nasty, theres no need to call you lazy. I am constantly tired but it is pretty much my job to do all the housework and cooking, and my other half works his butt off. I do things in shifts if Im really tired. Ill put a load of washing on when I get up, fill up the sink, wash the cups, throw in the cutlery to soak and go and sit down for 10 minutes. Get up, wash cutlery, put in plates to soak, sit down. Get up, hang washing, sit down. Then in the afternoon ill have a nap for 2-3hrs and ill allow myself about half an hour to wake up then ill go and do a bit more. Obviously its not always that easy but its generally what I try to do. Also when I do my housework, it makes it easier if you focus on one room at a time. Tidy each room seperately, then when everything is tidy, have a rest, and then get out the mop and vaccum.

[angela515]

Your dad sounds a bit nasty, theres no need to call you lazy. I am constantly tired but it is pretty much my job to do all the housework and cooking, and my other half works his butt off. I do things in shifts if Im really tired. Ill put a load of washing on when I get up, fill up the sink, wash the cups, throw in the cutlery to soak and go and sit down for 10 minutes. Get up, wash cutlery, put in plates to soak, sit down. Get up, hang washing, sit down. Then in the afternoon ill have a nap for 2-3hrs and ill allow myself about half an hour to wake up then ill go and do a bit more. Obviously its not always that easy but its generally what I try to do. Also when I do my housework, it makes it easier if you focus on one room at a time. Tidy each room seperately, then when everything is tidy, have a rest, and then get out the mop and vaccum.

My dad is very old fashioned I guess you can say... he thinks things should be done hisway or it's not good enough.. he can never be wrong..  and so on. I have started writing down what i need to do each day, and take it one thing at a time... slowly, take a break when I need to, and eventually everything will get done. When my dad comes home, if he still wants to complain about anything... I simply nod my head and say yep, and act like I really care  without saying anything smart to make him upset, and once he's done the complaining is usually over and he moves on to another subject. Some people cannot be changed... unfortuntely.

[nextnoel]

I read somewhere that "Friends are God's way of apologizing for relatives."  Well, you've got a lot of friends here, and it looks as if you're dealing with things just fine!  Keep up the positive spirit!

[goofynina]

I read somewhere that "Friends are God's way of apologizing for relatives."  Well, you've got a lot of friends here, and it looks as if you're dealing with things just fine!  Keep up the positive spirit!

That is for sure    (and thank I thank God for you all)

[gizmar]

If your bloodwork is reasonable and all levels seem okay, I would want to start looking at your living arranagements.  You talk about fighting with your dad "every day".  That's GOT to be stressful.  Add being a single mom to the mix and having a chronic illness - I don't want to sound glib in any way but I think your weakness and wanting to sleep are signs of depression.  If you have someone to talk to (social worker, good friend, dialysis buddy).

I'm also getting that your dad is carrying alot of guilt and just doesn't know how to deal with it.  Reading between the lines, you're not who you used to be and he's still in denial about your condition.  My advice to you - when he starts to bitich at you - don't go there - don't engage.  These are your buttons - he's pushing them and you're acting out a behavior pattern that he's expecting.  This is kind of the merry go round of relationships and if you want things to change, you'll have to do something different.

Definition of Insanity - Doing the same thing all the time and expecting different results.

[angela515]

If your bloodwork is reasonable and all levels seem okay, I would want to start looking at your living arranagements.  You talk about fighting with your dad "every day".  That's GOT to be stressful.  Add being a single mom to the mix and having a chronic illness - I don't want to sound glib in any way but I think your weakness and wanting to sleep are signs of depression.  If you have someone to talk to (social worker, good friend, dialysis buddy).

I'm also getting that your dad is carrying alot of guilt and just doesn't know how to deal with it.  Reading between the lines, you're not who you used to be and he's still in denial about your condition.  My advice to you - when he starts to bitich at you - don't go there - don't engage.  These are your buttons - he's pushing them and you're acting out a behavior pattern that he's expecting.  This is kind of the merry go round of relationships and if you want things to change, you'll have to do something different.

Definition of Insanity - Doing the same thing all the time and expecting different results.

Yah... I agree, I need to stop giving him a response. Sometimes thats hard to do... lol, but I will try. I have plenty of people to talk too... I dont feel I am depressed... I mean, of course there are things I wish could be different and such but when I look at the whole picture, I think I am pretty happy considering all things. I may be depressed though, but I dont feel I am.... or am I in denial? lol ...

As for the living situation, it does suck... but at the same time, I definately appreciate the help my parents give me with my children. I just don't know if I would be able to do it all alone while on dialysis. I will be very excited and thrilled to get my own place for me and my kids once I get a transplant. On a happy note though, my dad has finished the basement, so.. my bedroom is now complete!! I was having to share a bedroom with my daughter while the basement was being finished, so that was no fun. I now am moved into my new bedroom, and its HUGE, and I have my own bathroom and walk-in closet.    My daughter now has her room to herself and she is happy too... I think that will help out with me being  able to have some time to myself to read and such now that I have my bed to myself. LOL.

[nextnoel]

Gizmar is so right!  Decades ago, there was a book called "When I Say No I Feel Guilty".  If memory serves, it had some practical advice about the actual "how-to" of taking control.  One technique was "the fog bank".  Picture a fog bank, and someone throws a rock into it.  The rock (your dad's negative remarks) just disappears into the fog bank (your placid refusal to snap back at him), and so he doesn't get anywhere!  If you're not engaged in a back-and-forth tug with your dad, then his words will still have some effect on you, naturally, but they won't be getting you all wound up, and won't have an overly strong and long-lasting effect on you.

Sometimes, people who aren't "in touch with their feelings" (Geez, how I hate that phrase, but there it is!) don't know how to deal with the fear of a loved one being ill, and their fear is expressed as something else, like impatience or anger.  And sometimes, even though it isn't rational, people feel that if they just keep acting as if nothing is wrong and barreling through, and they make no allowances for any deviation from what they expect from others, then somehow everything will be "normal".  Sounds to me as if your dad may be stuck in some of this fuzzy thinking, without knowing it.

Just do your best, and remember that however grumpy he may be, he loves you and your girls!

[devlinswife]

I'm about to try the 20 min suggestion, I'll let you know how I do. I have been called lazy more than once, cause I don't clean, but my philosophy is whne I feel good I spend that time with my kids. What are they going to remember more, that I did the dishes every night or that I spent time with them?

[mcjane]

I like that 7 second rule.  You can do many of them a day & the 7 second rule could include something as simple as putting things back where you got them. That will knock the heck out of clutter.

Doing the 7 seconds several times a day & the 20 minutes once a day & you've got it made the easy way.

You feel so much better when the house is neat & clean.

[Zach]

I do the bachelor's rule -- after eating, put the plate in the frig till the next meal.  Same with the coffee mug.

[Epoman]

I'm about to try the 20 min suggestion, I'll let you know how I do. I have been called lazy more than once, cause I don't clean, but my philosophy is whne I feel good I spend that time with my kids. What are they going to remember more, that I did the dishes every night or that I spent time with them?

Screw dishes, do what we do, we use paper plates, plastic bowls and plastic utensils and when we are done, we just toss everything in the trash. The .99 Cent store is our dishwasher.  It's cheap, works, and saves a lot of time.

- Epoman

[kitkatz]

I do the same as Epoman. We have china, but do not use it. Plastic and paper is my china.

[Epoman]

I do the same as Epoman. We have china, but do not use it. Plastic and paper is my china.

Yeap, and when we have "company" over we break out the good stuff. Well except when I have "goofynina" over for dinner, paper plates are good enough for her. 

[Sluff]

I do the same as Epoman. We have china, but do not use it. Plastic and paper is my china.

Yeap, and when we have "company" over we break out the good stuff. Well except when I have "goofynina" over for dinner, paper plates are good enough for her. 

Actually paper wrappers is all she needs..Titos Taco wrappers to be precise.

[kitkatz]

Ohhhh. I want some of those too.