dating

[mel75]

So, i went on a date with this guy, i thought it went well. We are supposed to see each other again. My question is when do you tell someone about dialysis? I am not into sharing everything all at once, especially when u just meet someone. I also don't like keeping secrets. I haven't dated in 15 years so this is all new to me. I am only 34 so hopefully I can meet the right guy soon! any advice will help! what to say, what NOT to say, when to say it!! Thanks!!
Mel

[Razman]

  I'm not an expert on this but I can give  you a story about how another women handled a similar situation.  My firends daughter had Cystic Fibrosis and he told me that she always told the men she met on the first date. She figured if they couldn't take it then it wasn't worth spending any time and then having them leaver a few months later.  She met a gentleman that was around the same age  (28) , he was the VP at a larger company  and after she told him her story he said " that doesn't matter" .  They dated , were married and she almost died before she had a lung transplant.  But he never left her side and they now have a  1 year old.   Be honest up front and the the ones that are worth the time will stay around.

[lunadatura]

As a single person I share your dilemma - I agree that being honest is the best policy. I also think that its important to establish that you both like each other and are looking for the same things in relationship. As a part of this process its perfectly normal to share things that might be deal breakers. To me being on dialysis is no more of a deal breaker than someone else being a smoker. Meaning I would hestate about dating a smoker and some might hesitate about dating someone with a serious illness. I dont think you have to tell someone on first date but definitely in the first few dates and probably before you kiss him -LOL

besides maybe your new sweetie would be come your living kidney donor - miracles can happen!!

[RichardMEL]

Hey Mel,

first of all    to you for putting yourself out there. It's difficult and scary at the best of times, but with kidney disease also it's that much more daunting!

I think the 2nd or 3rd date is a good time to be honest. You need to be up front. The first date is never the time - you don't know if there's serious interest there or it's just a date, so no reason to bring it up, however you don't want to go too far down the track then tell him and have him think you were keeping secrets, which can then cause real trust issues. Besides, you don't want to get too far into something, and invest emotional energy, heart, then have him run for the hills because he can't handle the truth.

The hardest part, I think, is how you introduce the subject. Sometimes there is a natural opening - for example if he wants to see you on a day you have dialysis, and you need to explain why you're not available. However sometimes it's not so easy. Hopefully you can find a comfortable time or spot to just explain your situation to him. I don't envy that conversation; I've had to have it a number of times. Most times the other person(girl in my case) has been understanding and not run off, but it's just as hard as asking for the date to tell something like that and waiting for the reaction....

So anyway I think: do it sooner rather than later. If he doesn't want to deal then you haven't invested too much in it, and he hopefully won't feel like you've been hiding things or dishonest with him.

All the best!!

 

[mel75]

Thanks for the advice! I know I will tell him if we go out again. I watch the millionaire matchmaker and she is always saying things like that is not 1st date material! When u don't really date its hard to know what you should and shouldn't say! I definitely believe honesty is the best policy! just not sure when to be completely honest! I guess better to be upfront then hold back! that could be considered a lie to some people. Thank you