I hate going to the doctor

[MandaMe1986]

So tomarrow I see my Neph.  I saw him for the first time in May I think it was.  I am not in any shape or form excited. Even though I got fairly good news last time, this time around might not be so.   He sent for all  my biopsy results from diffrent docs and medical records.  All I walked in there with last time was my labs.  So he really didn't know what was going on.  I am just scared, I have gone to way to many bad doctor appointment. You know?  Mentally I just don't know if I can handle anything that isn't really great news.  I know that there isn't really a reason why I should worry. But that doesn't change the fact that I worry.   So lets cross our fingers everyone, pray for a good visit.

You know there are some days when being sick is just a little to much to handle...Today is one of those days. 

[David13]

I am really hoping that your doctor visit goes well, Manda. 

We are here for you!   

[kellyt]

Good Luck.  I hope you get fabulous news.

[MIbarra]

I hope he has nothing but good news for you! 

[cariad]

I hear you, Manda. I have felt the same way many times.

I hope you will share the doctor's news with us either way. We are all pulling for you, and wishing you the best.

Good luck! 

[jpearce]

My fingers are crossed for you.

[del]

   Hope everything goes well!!! 

[Hanify]

Thinking of you.

[twirl]

eat a pickle pop
and go to the doctor
and I am praying for you
and let us know
we love you
your IHD family

[willowtreewren]

Manda,
I will be sending good thoughts your way. 

I hope it all goes well with a good report.

Let us know.

 

Aleta

[jbeany]

I always need retail therapy after a trip to the doctor.

 

[paddbear0000]

 

[Jean]

I hope your Dr. visit turns out well for you. I start getting anxious on the first day of the month I have to see my neph, always wondering if this is the time I am told to go on dialysis.

[okarol]

Hey Manda - hope all goes well. 

[willieandwinnie]

  Manda

[paris]

Sending you lots of love and good thoughts   

[kitkatz]

I had to rearrange my life and a teacher meeting to make a doc appointment next Tuesday.  I know how you feel about it all.  They can make you crazy!

[MandaMe1986]

Well thanks everyone for the good thoughts.  They worked!  Well my creatinine was 0.8 yes that is correct.  I don't remember the last time my creatinine has been that low.  I am still dumping 6 grams of protine, but hey that is much better then the 15 grams I was dumping a year ago.   Was told today tho that it isn't Lupus I have.  I have been sick for 9 years, and for 9 years I have been told that I have Lupus, I don't  have Lupus, I  have Lupus, I don't  have Lupus.  That is discouraging but I am trying not to let that get me down. It is just frustrating not knowing exactly what it is you have that is attacking your body.  I have some sort of rash going on, have had it for a while.  Well what ever immune system problem I am having is attacking my skin now. Or so it looks. I need to have it biopsied in November to see if I need to be put on Cellcept or something along those lines again.  If it is such a big deal shouldn't it be done before November?   

As far as my kidneys go.  He told me that what ever it is I have could flair up and I could lose my kidneys within a couple months or I could sit here and treat the flair ups if I am lucky for another 40 years.  This roller coaster is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!   This time last year I stopped the Chemo cause it wasn't working and they told me within the year that I was gonna be on dialysis.  Today my creatinine is better then it has ever been and the doctor is telling me that I may have another 40 years or never actually ever need dialysis.  For 9 years now it has been this over and over again.  Its like everytime I need to go see a doctor I ask my self if this is the time they are gonna tell me that its starting all over again, and will my kidneys be able to pull out of it again. 

You know how when you are little and your dad sits you on his lap and tells you that you are spacial and no one is ever gonna be like you.  Well today I wish that wasn't so true. I wish someone could tell me what to expect and wither or not to get my hopes up.  Its like I got great news today, and its the second visit in a row.  So why can't I let myself just be happy for now?  I just have been here before, been told I am doing great and before I know it I'm sitting back in a chair for 8 hours while they pump chemo in me again.  Or I am taking massive amounts of pills again.  Its like I am trying not to let myself get carried away thinking I am gonna be fine for awhile, and at the same point trying not to be super negative about it.  And I can't find a place in the middle.  I don't know how to feel or what to think.  I just want to sit here and cry. I am so sick of being sick.

[paris]

Manda, I am sitting here with you feeling all your frustrations.  Like you, I just want it written in black and white and know what the future will bring.  I am glad your numbers are doing so well, but I am sorry that this is always hanging over you without an answer in sight.  Nothing is ever black and white with this disease, is it?  We love you and are here for you   

[dwcrawford]

Mandy, I don't know anything but I understand how you are feeling.  I think maybe you can find a way to accept the good things they tell  you and to reject the negative things until the next time when they tell you someting different.  How?  I have no idea.  You know how I feel about hanging on to the positive.  But it is just a concept.  I haven't figured it out but I am trying.

In the meantime, get you a really good looking doctor so you will look forward to going to see him!

Love you

[willowtreewren]

In the meantime, get you a really good looking doctor so you will look forward to going to see him!

Manda, I hope that made you laugh as much as I did. You need something to lighten your mood. I'm thinking of you. Not knowing is always hard!

 

[Hanify]

Thinking of you Manda.  I think it's harder definitely for those of you who are waiting, and especially hard for you when you don't have a clear reason for it all.  I guess just try to live in the moment while your numbers are good.  There's a saying about not bring problems forward or something - but I've never quite worked out how you avoid that worry.  Anyway, sending good thoughts your way hon.

[cariad]

What a perplexing situation you are dealing with, Manda. I'm so sorry. Well, happy for you that your labs are so much improved, but yeah.... the never knowing what's coming next is too scary.

Try to keep in mind that whatever happens, you have the full support of the people here. You may not know what is going to happen, but if you can remind yourself that you can handle whatever it is, perhaps you can better enjoy your good news now.

Take care and good luck! 

[MandaMe1986]

So I am trying to be positive about it all.  I figure it could have been much worse, so I am gonna let all the good news be just that. Good news.  Or so I hope.  Thanks you all for everything.

[okarol]

I am celebrating the 0.8