Has kidney failure turned me into a demanding monster ?

[KICKSTART]

It must have ..surely my closest friend cant be wrong ?
I dont know if im angry or upset or both , but i must be an awful person. I have written several threads on here of how friends stay away , dont stay in touch etc but today just about tops them all !!!
Heres how today went , i got a txt from my 'best' friend this morning after 3 weeks of nothing ..'Im on hol now , if you want to do something let me know' So straight away i replied .. 'I cant do anything today , all ready made plans , but tomorrow fine, ok?'
An hour later ..no reply ..so i txt back (she always does this to me , sometimes im lucky if she replies at all!) BUT she always expects me to answer her straight away and lets me know about it if i dont.!
Anyway i thought ..i dont  need this .. i dont need being ignored so i sent a txt again saying ..' Why do you always do this ? txt me then never reply , its not very nice you know. '
Her reply ..'theres no need to send me nasty txts'
My reply' nasty txts? '
Her reply ..'i DO have a busy life you know'
Well i cant tell you how angry and upset thats made me feel , i know what i want to do , i want to txt her back and get it all off my chest and say you ungratefull, selfish b**** , i hope one day you are seriously ill and need someone , well dont expect it to be me. ! But i know i wont say these things, but i also know im even more determined to have a 'busy life' myself next time she wants to do something !
Ive had a lovely day out ! I caught up with a lovely lady who isnt a close friend or a friend ive had for a long time , but shes horsey , so shes ok in my book! and ive just been to see her new stables and there are some tiny minature horses there , one has a 2 week old foal , its no bigger than a medium sized dog , totally adorable. So even if i say so myself ..a pat on the back to me for getting out , making the effort ..and 2 fingers up to my best friend for thinking she can pick me up and drop me when it suits her !

[peleroja]

Can I get an amen on that, sister?!  This is not a friend, this is merely an acquaintance you've known for a long time.  Real friends take you to the hospital, empty your puke bucket, buy you groceries, call you every day just to check on how you're doing, etc.  It sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing to help you stay in touch with life.    Never foget, you ALWAYS have us!   

[RichardMEL]

You? Too demanding? I don't know about that... although you know those Cylons usually utter "BY YOUR COMMAND!" a lot so there could be something to it!!! 

Seriously though with the situation you describe, just looking at it from her (potential) point of view I can sort of understand why she got upset. I think this is one of the main problems with texts... you leave the nuances and emotion out of it and it's SO easy to misunderstand things... I'm not saying you shouldn't have written what you did (very frustrating!) but it would have been something best said in person where you could explain more broadly how you've been feeling and not have her jump to defensive conclusions based on 140 characters on her phone.

Perhaps you should actually CALL her and talk to her (if she's willing to listen!) and try and explain.. if you feel her friendship is valuable to you of course....

[KICKSTART]

Richard , i can see what you are saying but im not sure you see what im saying .. lets see if i can make myself more clear.
You have a best friend , you txt them , dont you do that expecting to enter into some sort of conversation? You cant say shes too busy to take what 30 seconds to txt me back? (and dont forget she on HOLIDAY) so its not like shes at work and its difficult to do. She expects me to drop everything and txt her straight back and yet im called 'nasty' when i bring this point up. In fact Richard she has even said to my face , oh i saw it was a txt from you so i just deleted it , i knew it wouldnt be anything important. Shes told me , i dont know how easy i have it and how lucky i am not to have to work and up to now ive just taken it .. well im sorry no more. I once opened up to her and thought id see how she would react , i told her how lonely i was and how i wasnt getting out much ..her answer... plant some hanging baskets ! My gawd is that all i can expect from life. I dont depend on her for my life, but it would be nice if she took a bit of time out for me ,funny thing is , she didnt have a problem txting me everyday when i used to have a horse, because she wanted to ride it. She had all the time in the world for me when she wanted to go drinking and i could drive , so no Richard i stand by my original post, i think shes self centred and just plain ignorant !

[okarol]

I agree with Richard. There is no texting etiquette. Sometimes people text but never receive replies (or they arrive 2 hours later.) Other times there's an interpretation of meaning in a text that isn't necessarily accurate. If you really want to make plans with someone, call them. My kids text like maniacs, but God forbid that they'd actually speak to their friend! It's weird. I text too, but if something is important, or a plan is in the making, I call.

But besides all that, your "friend" sounds like she's too busy for you. Develop that new friendship and dump the other one.
 

[Rerun]

Why do we continue with these friendships?  I have one of those too but I feel like we have known each other so long that it would be cutting off my arm.  Although my arm keeps beating me over the head.

[KICKSTART]

I can see the point about txting and things being misunderstood but yes!!!! i can also add to that ..In 3 years ,yes 3 years she has never rung me .. ive have or had to ring her and she only has a mobile (which is free from work!) if she really wants something badly or quickly , i will get a txt .. ring me asap and me ..gullible me ,has done! This is why i dont ring her. And can you imagine my phone bill ?

[cherpep]

Kickstart - I don't want to sound mean, but your 'friend' sounds more like someone who makes friendships because of what that person can do for them.  Now that you aren't providing, there's not much of a friendship.  Too bad for her - it's her loss.

[Deanne]

This person isn't your friend. The horsey person who let you see the new foal is your friend. I'm sorry you were hurt. From what you said about your history with this non-friend, I think I'd start to ignore her messages. If she really wants to be your friend, it's time for her to put some effort into it.

I dumped a non-friend a couple of years ago and I'm glad of it. My real friends call if they haven't heard from me for a while. My non-friend only called to give me a travelogue of his life.


 

[cherpep]

My non-friend only called to give me a travelogue of his life.

Don't you love those friends & relatives?  Their way of staying in touch is to let you know everything about their life and travels?  They don't have time to hear about yours?  It's as if they think they are doing you a favor by letting you share in their life, even if it's just to hear about it. 

Real friends show up with dinner - already cooked - easy to heat - without being asked.  Real friends call with a joke just to cheer you up.  Real friends don't care if you're too tired to go out - and are just as satisfied with hanging on the couch watching a movie.  Real friends care.




Edited: Fixed quote tag error - okarol/admin

[marti824]

It is when you are sick that you find out who your true friends are.  They are the ones that still want to go shopping with you and don't mind pushing the wheel chair if you can't walk that day.  They are the ones that will still listen to you rant and rave as you go through the poor me's, even though they have no Earthly idea what you are really going through.  I thank God every day that I have a few fiends like that.  And those that I thought were friends, and have turned out not to be, well, God bless them and keep them, far away from me!

[KICKSTART]

Thanks guys i needed to hear some of those replies , i was convinced i'd turned into some kind of monster. I think shes sort of left the ball in my court now ..as she has a habit of doing , but to be honest i dont think i want her company now even if she can spare it , she makes me feel like its a chore and its always when it suits her anyway. I dont think im going to reply again and im sure she will feel justified that shes 'done her bit' so i will leave it at that rather than resort to her level and maybe say things better left unsaid.

[Romona]

I think you are awesome! You have a great sense of humor. Your friend is missing out!

[greco02]

Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.  Can you block numbers coming into your cell?  I don't know if that is even possible but might be kinda fun if she were to get a 'bounce back' text like I sometimes get when I send something to a incorrect email address.  The bounce back message could be 'this message is being returned because (insert your name here) doesn't give a _ _ _ _ that you called.

Texting is a great little tool.  Look what it has done for your 'friend'.  She can tell everyone "well I tried to keep in touch but look at how ungrateful my friend is".  The she is a hero (at least in her own mind).   It just seems like you may have taken a bit too long to see her for what she is.  Go with the friend with the horses.  Animals make much better company and take good care of yourself.

[cherpep]

The bounce back message could be 'this message is being returned because (insert your name here) doesn't give a _ _ _ _ that you called.

LOLOL 

[Jean]

Probably I will get slapped upside the head for this, but that "old" friend only deserves one finger up. !!!!! My bad

[KarenInWA]

I'm just having a hard time with the fact that this "friend" tells our KS that she doesn't know how good she has it since she doesn't have to work!  WTF?  Like kidney failure is *such* an easy road!  For all the stress and annoyances my job sometimes gives me, I'll take it over disability ANY day of the week, thankyouverymuch!  Does this person not realize what a complete and utter all-day job it is to deal with kidney failure?  The symptoms, the wretched diet, the loss of energy, and last, but certainly not the least, the dialysis?  I'm not even there yet, and I get worn out just thinking what my future is going to be like with all that.  KS - thank you for all your posts and for sharing what you've been going through.  You have been through way too much lately, what with the car and your BP and all, and I think that it is high time you finally get yours in a POSITIVE way for a change!!!  And yes, bring on the REAL friends, by golly!

 

KarenInWA

[KICKSTART]

Oh thanks ever so much guys ..i needed your input just to make sure it wasnt me. The only satisfaction i can take is the old saying ..What goes around ..comes around! To be honest if i dont see her again ..what am i losing ? We go where she wants to, when she wants to . Im not saying that everyone isnt entitled to a moan , but its all me, me me , she moans about money/work/just about everything, so do i really want her company? Im going to move forward , make new friends , go join this support group when they have their next meeting ( in a pub) They dont give the impression they sit around talking dialysis , in fact they sound more normal than my normal friends !!! Im going to go back and see the lady with the horses, i enjoyed that yesterday. A big hug and sloppy kiss to all of you !

[KICKSTART]

Hey shes just sent me a txt ..' I take it you dont want to do anything then ? ' Now i dont know if i have done wrong but ive replied ...

No you're ok ,but thanks for the offer, it sounds to me like you need some time for yourself right now with your busy life , enjoy your break ,i have plenty of things to do.

Was that ok?

[KICKSTART]

Hey guys ,30 yrs of friendship? ended with a txt .. Her reply .'.ok i wont bother you again ! '

[greco02]

It's a new era in rudeness.   I heard that Phil Collins faxed his request for a divorce to his wife.  Gotta love it...

[dwcrawford]

Lots of people don't understand how devastating Kidney Disease can be.  One "old friend" -- excuse me "old person I  know" called one day and I complained about all the noise at the center.  Then I said  I was going to buy some noise reduction headphones.  The next day she called again and (after thirty minutes of telling me everything that everyone she'd seen that day had said, and her second cousin twice removed's gall bladder operation, she says "I hope you wasted all that money on the headphones.  You are so used to living alone that people in general bother you".  And then immediately asked if I intended to barbecue on  Memorial Day?  I told her I was going to save my money and buy a laptop.  Well, If you can afford it, she said.  You sleep too much she said.

Rude, ignorant, uncaring, self centered -- probably some of all. 

[okarol]

  Kickstart - it sounds like you're making the best of this - with humor! You're right, what are you losing? You've got all of us, whenever you need a friend!

dw- I would put the noise reduction headphones on next time the "old person you know" calls.

[RichardMEL]

KS - I hope my first reply didn't offend you - it wasn't intended to at all. I personally think you're awesome and as others have said she's clearly a selfish self centred person.. I mean what kind of "best friend" tells someone "I saw the text was from you so deleted it" WTF??? That's just rude apart from anything else. Move on!! You have more important things in your life to deal with and don't need petty stuff like that to bug you.

You say it's a 30 year friendship that may be headed towards a climax - via text no less (!) I think that's sad, but perhaps that's just an indication that for most of those 30 years she was just a fairweather friend.. now you're in a situation where it's not so simple and she doesn't want to deal.. and due to ignorance or whatever reasons throws it back at you with the "your life is so easy" crap.. uh huh.. is she forgetting your loss of income, how sick you've been, the crap going down with the coucil and the problems with your car being smashed up and all that? Yeah, easy my backside....

You're not a demanding monster though - we all can see that!

[KICKSTART]

Thanks Richard ..no i wasnt offended at all , i understood what you were trying to say . Anyway i might be ill but im still the stronger of the 2 , she was the type that HAD to go to bed if she got a cold , shes going to come unstuck one day but i expect i will have my busy busy life by then !!!!