Adopting a child while on dialysis...is it even possible?

[Sara]

Does anyone know anyone, or have you heard of anyone trying to adopt a child (either domestically or internationally) while one parent is on dialysis?  We wanted to adopt from the Philippines but were told it would be virtually impossible.  We have talked to an agency for Guatemala and they said it would be difficult but were willing to try (of course they get our money either way).  I'm wondering if US adoption would have any sort of restrictions on it like international does?

Hoping someone knows something...

[Rerun]

Maybe go through your church.  There shouldn't be any reason why you couldn't.  No one knows what will happen to healthy parents down the road.  At least you know your situation. 

[meadowlandsnj]

I just found this on the web:


Adoption Ability - Not Disability
People with disabilities can adopt. It's the law.

According to the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), many with disabilities qualify to be considered as adoptive parents. It's the law. And it applies to both public and private adoption agencies.

No Categorical Rejection

Madelyn Freundlich, former Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, writes that a
[c]ategorical rejection of individuals with disabilities as prospective adoptive parents on such bases as blindness, deafness, HIV infection, or history of drug use and treatment will violate the ADA and expose adoption agencies to liability.
However, it should be noted that in a 1998 court case in New York, a ruling was handed down that agencies may deny placement based on a prospective parent's disabilities. The court ruled that it is the job of the agency to find a suitable family for a child, not a child for a family. If a disability appears to be a legitimate concern, placement may be denied, as long as this is not part of a routine exclusion of prospective parents based on disabilities.

General terms

Title II and Title III of the Act refer to public and private entities, respectively. Terms and definitions are the same in both Titles, and they apply to both public and private adoption services.

An individual is considered "disabled" and is protected from discrimination if:
he/she has a mental or physical impairment that substantially limits one or more major life abilities, or
he/she has a record of such an impairment, or
he/she is regarded as having such an impairment, which includes
when an impairment is treated as if it limits major life abilities, or
limited abilities as a result of attitudes of others about the impairment, or
when no impairment exists but the individual is treated by others as though it does.
What are "major life abilities?"

As described in a discussion of the Act from the US Department of Justice (DOJ), major life abilities include "such things as caring for one's self, performing manual tasks, walking, seeing, hearing, speaking, breathing, learning, and working."

It really can happen... and not just in the US!

Jamie Berke is an adoptive parent, successful businessperson, and she's deaf. Her own experience led her to establish a listing of deaf children awaiting adoption, the Deaf Adoption News Service.

In Ireland, Noleen Kavanaugh adopted her daughter, Laura, from Romania. Noleen has cerebral palsy.

In her book, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption", Chris Adamec advises people with disabilities who are seeking to adopt to stay focused on the options open to them and not take initial resistance as a personal affront. Openness about limitations arising from the disability is of utmost importance, as is a discussion of the way they are handled. And adopters with disabilities should know that they are not limited to adopting a special needs child.

If you are anAmerican with disabilities, you probably already know about protection against discrimination offered to you by the ADA. And if you're in another country, be sure to learn the laws that protect your rights to pursue adoption if you want.

To contact the ADA:
1-800-514-0301 (voice)
1-800-514-0383 (TDD)



Resources:
Bipolars CAN Adopt - The author has Bipolar Disorder, and she and her husband have adopted two children. This 3-part article is filled with sage advice good for anyone considering adoption, not just someone with a mental illness.

Disabled Parents - Diana Michelle's site offers encouragement and resources for parents with disabilities

Discussion Group: Disabled Adoptive Parents - gathering and disseminating information to individuals with disabilities who are looking to adopt, or who have adopted, both domestically and internationally

The Americans With Disabilities Act: What Adoption Agencies Need to Know - a study of the Act and adoption agency responsibility, by Madelyn Freundlich, former Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

ADA Homepage - from the US Department of Justice

Publications available - from the ADA Web site at the Department of Justice

ADA Title II - a DOJ discussion of terms, definitions, and applicability.

Title II of the Act - from the ADA Document Center

Title III of the Act - from the ADA Document Center


© Nancy S Ashe
andhttp://www.eklhad.net/adoption/ad-art3.html

When you think about it people who have endured like we have and have courage and beat the odds time and time again would be great parents and role models.  Good luck and I really hope your wish comes true.  Go to a search engine and type disabled adoptions.  Lots of links come up.

Donna

[Epoman]

Very good information meadowlandsnj 

[kitkatz]

Hate to be a downer to this discussion, but here is my two cents worth.

Watching my two girls go through so much with me being sick and on dialysis made me realize how much they need in the way of emotional supprt and love in order to just be happy and be able to move on.  Are you strong enough as a fmaily unit to give the child you adopt the emotional needs they are going to have? Often these kids come with baggage already.  Are you going to add more baggage to their lives by being sick all the time or by dying on them?  Do they need a parent who is ill and may not be able to play with them or go to school for meetings?  Can you take on the awesome responsiblilties of being a parent while you are ill?  Can your wife or husband deal with you being ill and raise a teenger? Do you have a support team that can help you with the child when you are in the hospital or are not feeling well?  Do you have a support team for you and the wife or hubby?

[Rerun]

I know what you're saying Kit, but if the answer is "Yes" to all of your caveats then they should be able to adopt.  A couple of points to consider.  People who shouldn't have children do, and perfectly normal healthy parents are killed in car accidents every day.  If you love children enough to adopt them, then they will be loved.  No one has a crystal ball on their health. 

But, yes, I think you brought up some very good points.  That is why it is so hard to adopt.  The Screening weeds out those who won't be able to commit.

[15yearstolong]

HI,

My partner and I are palnning on international adoption also and I would say that Paul and I are a pretty tight unit but I also wonder how my adopted kids will cope when they have to say "Mummy is tied to a machine for 4 housr every second day"

But I also think that when you look in the news and see so many kids in worse situations we are doing pretty well.

[Sara]

HI,

My partner and I are palnning on international adoption also and I would say that Paul and I are a pretty tight unit but I also wonder how my adopted kids will cope when they have to say "Mummy is tied to a machine for 4 housr every second day"

But I also think that when you look in the news and see so many kids in worse situations we are doing pretty well.

I think they'll say whatever a non-adopted kid would say.     They'll love you for being their parents, everything else is gravy.

[Epoman]

HI,

My partner and I are palnning on international adoption also and I would say that Paul and I are a pretty tight unit but I also wonder how my adopted kids will cope when they have to say "Mummy is tied to a machine for 4 housr every second day"

But I also think that when you look in the news and see so many kids in worse situations we are doing pretty well.

Well my son may not be adopted but his whole life all he has known is daddy is sick. My 9 year old son sets up my dialysis machine (NxStage) all by himself. I think a child would care more about having someone LOVE them then worry about why my mom or dad needs to be hooked to a machine a few hours at a time. It is very sad to see children with no parents or no one to love them. I understand some of the points brought up here but I think that a dialysis patient can give just as much love as a healthy person Say you adopt a child and you end up in the hospital for a couple of weeks, SO? It is less traumatic then sitting in a state home some where knowing that no one wants them or loves them. Even healthy parents can end up in the hospital, even healthy parents DIE. So I am all for people on dialysis who wish to adopt. This gives me an idea for an Off-Topic thread. 

[meadowlandsnj]

HI,

My partner and I are palnning on international adoption also and I would say that Paul and I are a pretty tight unit but I also wonder how my adopted kids will cope when they have to say "Mummy is tied to a machine for 4 housr every second day"

But I also think that when you look in the news and see so many kids in worse situations we are doing pretty well.

Maybe they'll be saying "Mummy is getting life saving treatment so she can love me and be there for me".    I understand about not wanting to burden kids with anything.  But there are so many children in the world who just want someone to love them and be there for them.  People who work are away from their kids for hours a day and they still can raise children.   I know perfectly healthy people who have children and can't be bothered with them.  It seems that (IMO) kids in their formative years who are around people who aren't in perfect health grow up with more empathy and compassion for others.   Just my two cents!   

[KTangel]

My hubby and I are also thinking about adopting and my theory is that it is all in the way you handle it. Kids take cues from their parents and if you are open with them and answer their questions and constantly let them know how much you love them that is all that matters.

[jbeany]

Current stats as of 2000 - 117,000 foster kids are available for adoption.  Five times that number are in foster care, and as far as I can tell, in Michigan, at least - most of them would be far better off with a loving set of parents, regard of their health, instead of bounced from foster home to foster home.