Dialysis Jokes

[kitkatz]

I am looking for funny stories an jokes about dialysis to use in a blog post or chapter of a book idea.

[Cowdog]

Just not very much "Funny" in Dialysis!!
Keeps you among the living, deal with it best you can.
The End!!!

[Rerun]

She put the banana to her head and pulled the trigger. 

[Paul]

They are a bit old, but you can use either (or both) of mine if you want. You can find them on these posts. (First post on each thread.):

http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=34206.0

http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=34194.0

[Charlie B53]

My Fistula has pretty decent pressure.  Ocassionally as the Nurse is inserting a needle I LEAK.    So much so she can't stop it bleeding, ends up pulling the needle, waiting for it to clot off, bandage, then start all over.

All the while I''m laughing near hysterically cause I think it's funny as can be.

She's afraid I'm going to bleed out.

I keep assuring her that I got lots of blood.   I''ve bled far more than this when I screw up out in the yard/barn.   I keep a roll of paper towels and black electrical tape handy, they make great bandages.

[GA_DAWG]

Biggest joke I know is when the Dr comes in and tells you that you have kidney failure, but not to worry, with dialysis you can liv a NORMAL life.

[Michael Murphy]

I have always been a firm believer that after every tragedy there is a signature joke lampooning the tragedy.  I have thought about this subject since I read the original posting, so using google I searched Dialysys jokes. After reading pages of notes these were the only ones that made me smile.


The Dialysis Patient said to the Attending Nurse who was in the process of giving him a Flu Shot, " Please don't hurt me."She said, "The last thing I will do is hurt you." The patient relaxed and thanked her for being so understanding. As soon as the shot was given, the patient screamed, "That hurts!" she responded,"What did you expect? I told you it was going to be the last thing."

The Social Worker admonish a Dialysis Patient, " You are too serious. Take life with a grain of salt."And the patient responded with a puzzled look, "Are you joking?"

For Halloween, a Dialysis patient showed up wearing a hospital robe and a Devil's mask. Another patient asked, "What does that costume represent?" He replied, "The patient from hell." His Dialysis colleague then interrupted and noted, "I thought you were supposed to dress as something you are not”

Dialysis patients were chatting at Dialysis. One asked the other, "When you die and your friends and family are looking at you in the casket, what do you hope they will say about you?" He quipped, "I would like them to say, 'He's moving!'"
,
QUESTION: Why did the Dialysis patient take an instant dislike to the difficult nurse?
ANSWER: It saved time.

The conclusion I reached it just ain’t funny,

[Charlie B53]

I know a bunch of people that are unable to laugh at themselves.

That's were I come in.