Depressing Sunday afternoon...........

[Jonndad]

  I have to choose between PD and In-center hemo very shortly.  I have been watching a youtube video the last few months about this nice gentleman doing PD.   Here is the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LriX7okbAqU

The guy's name is Gary.  He is 47 years old.  I just found out today he died last year.  It seems like we're all dying way too soon.  I'm scared and depressed.  I'm 57.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/atlanta/obituary.aspx?pid=160397587

[jbeany]

 

Yeah, having that same week here.  Found out about Bajanne on Monday night, right after a long phone call from a friend about how she's dealing with the loss of her sister (who I also was friends with) from cancer last week.  It's Mother's Day weekend, which is always a reminder of losing my mom the week before Mother's Day, which still hurts 13 years later.  The endless "Happy Mother's Day" greetings all week also serve as a not-so-cheerful reminder that I couldn't be one because of my health problems. 

The first comment I got when I went to volunteer at the law clinic on Tuesday was "You don't seem very sparkly today."  Well, there's a shock.  Unless there's a sparkly vampire running around biting people in the building, it's not gonna happen any time soon, either.   

Mostly, I'm just trying to remember that everyone I care about is on short-term loan, and trying to enjoy the present.

Hang in there, JD.

 

[Jonndad]

Thank you JBeany.  I have watched this guy in this video for over 6 months while I have been doing in ceneter Hemo.  He was kind of my hero.  Where I work we helped a 34 year old man who was doing dialysis and living out of his car with his young son.  He was going to be my company's "success story" at an upcoming banquet to celebrate his achievement.  He passed away last week.  Is there no end to this?

[jbeany]

I moderate on here, and volunteer with a cancer support group, as well as volunteer with a pro-bono clinic that helps with family law issues and neglect and abuse cases. So the death and the grieving and the horror stories are part of what I have to live with to feel like I'm doing some good in this world.

The only end I've seen is to end my involvement with all the things that expose me to people who need support.  I don't find that a practical option.  Helping is part of what makes me feel like a functioning human being.

When I get overwhelmed, I take a step back and disconnect for a while.  I went kayaking this weekend.  Reading a fluff book, hanging out with my cats, working on my house, or doing crafts all ground me back in the here and now, and let me go back to the tough reality a little more prepared.  There's no shame in saying "I can't deal with anyone's problems but my own right now."  Do what you need to do to take care of yourself first.

[AnnieB]

I watched this video also when trying to decide about which form of D to go for. I'm sorry to hear about his passing. It hits home when other kidney patients go. Even though you know in theory that everyone dies sometime, it's still scary to realize that you have a disease for which there is no cure, just treatment. I like jbeany's suggestion about disconnecting for a while when this starts to get to be too much. When I start to think about all the ways this disease has affected my life, I still  like to think about things that are still possible. For example, I really perked up when you said you went kayaking this weekend. It's really inspiring for me to hear about all the things you are still involved with - it tells me that even if I have this sucky disease  to deal with, there are still lots of things that make life worth living. So Thank you! jbeany for your good example.
 
Anne

[okarol]

Kidney disease is not very forgiving - we have lost many dear friends here. JBeany has a good plan, step back and enjoy what you can. 

[Bill Peckham]

It is hard to take all the death. If I stop to think back about all the people I've known who we have lost in the kidney community it is truly numbing. I know it has changed me, made me less tolerant of frivolity and inanities. But to answer your question, no. There is no end to it.

[Riki]

No, it doesn't ever end.  It's one of the cruel facts of this disease.  Not all of us are success stories.  I'm dreading going into dialysis tomorrow and not seeing my friend's name on the board.  I just know I'm going to forget and check to see if she's coming in, and then it'll hit me all over again