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wvgirl
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« Reply #25 on: October 20, 2012, 07:19:09 AM »

I have had the same problem. I now live 4 hours from my Mom, and she still calls me and says she wishes I could come and drive her to the store to go shopping!! My Mom has a car, and a license, but just doesn't LIKE to drive. She also has my worthless brother living with her, who can also drive. When I lived close to her, it was always me. After moving here I had a neighbor who would actually ask me to drive her to Walmart almost every day. It was always so important that she go, and sometimes the important reason was that she forgot bananas. Sometimes I would tell her that I had an appointment in town at 2 for an epo injection and could take her then, but she would say "Can we go about 11?" It could never be on my schedule. I, like you, cannot say no. I completely quit answering my phone when she calls me. I know that was the wimpy way out, but I had enough to deal with and decided if it is stress I can get rid of, I had to do it before I went insane. : :o
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Jeanne
1988- Chronic Kidney Disease
2005- Biopsy showed IGM Nephropathy
10/2011- Fistula surgery, transplant evaluation-gfr 13
02/2012- On transplant list
05/2012- Started in center dialysis with gfr 9
2 calls for a transplant but still waiting...
Cynna66
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« Reply #26 on: October 21, 2012, 06:46:25 PM »

She calls her cousin a lot of times. Then it comes back on me. He wants to know what im doing and if Im home I should be the one to take her not him.  If her cousin finds out I dont feel well and I said no, to him it looks like an excuse not to take my mom places.

Having to deal with family like that is so stressful and touchy. I still say you say no, though. I mean she really has to understand and take your feelings into consideration. I have a hard time telling my family no, too. But my family also is very understanding. I would not care as much about my neighbor though. I tell people like that where to go. I don't owe them anything. I don't mind being nice when I feel good, but there's definitely a line and a limit. You do not need that stress.  ;D
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Dialysis and I have an understanding
mamagemini
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It's all me.

« Reply #27 on: October 21, 2012, 07:15:44 PM »

I cannnot believe that there are actually people who take advantage of someone on LIFE SUPPORT. I know some don't thnk of it as that but essentially it is. These people are  :sir ken;  and should be told as such.
Your mother has needy and control issues. You are enabling her by giving in and taking her everywhere. I also read that you are crying while your driving her!! Enough is enough. I am currently working on my Bachelors in Psychology and this is only my opinion not a definite. You are an ADULT who can make her own decisions.
I apologize for the roughness but I went through this same crap with my son for years. I wish someone would of knocked me in the head to make me listen! If you don't stop it now at car rides, it will get worse!!! Many big hugs to you and good luck!!       :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle;
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FSGS/Nephrotic syndrome 2005
AV Fistula placed right arm inside elbow 4/2012
Started HD 9/7/2012
Started PD Oct 2015
Parathyroid removed 6/2019
Cellulitis in Fistula 8/2019
RT arm Fistula removed 9/2019
Lillupie
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wedding 12-10-11

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« Reply #28 on: October 21, 2012, 08:09:40 PM »

The thing is wtih my mom, she is in denial. To all the people around me, they are all in denial. They think I am a healthy person who just sleeps on a machine at night. My mom says "You have the energy to do the things you want to do". I just remember when I did tell her no, before I moved out, she would tell me to "get out of her house, if I didnt want to drive her anywhere". Im glad im now married and my mom cant take advantage of the fact that I had nowhere else to go.
 People in my life want me to work full-time, which I would but if it werent for dialysis. I just dont think I Have the energy to be put on a set schedule because I never know exactly how Im going to feel from one day to the next. Like, My daughter's father hasnt worked in 5 years,a nd he is NOT on dialysis. When he complains about not having any money, I tell him to get a job, and he tells me "I dont see you working"

Thanks all for being there for me.

Lisa
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smcd23
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The patient, the baby and the donor - October 2010

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« Reply #29 on: October 21, 2012, 09:05:40 PM »

Sounds like you're surrounded by a lot of jerks (to put it mildly) The one thing I've learned going through this with Tony is that those who don't live with it don't understand. They see him as a 28 year old guy who should be doing things like working but they just don't get that dialysis isn't a cure or a miracle treatment where you feel 100% immediately after. Don't let those people get you down - remember only YOU know how you feel each day and if the people around you don't want to listen and respect that you're doing what you can, you don't need them. I know its hard when its family not getting it, but you have to stand up for yourself and put you and your health first.
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Caregiver to Husband with ESRD.

1995 - Diagnosed with vesicoureteral reflux and had surgery to repair at age 11. Post surgery left side still had Stage I VUR, right side was okay. Both sides were underdeveloped.
2005 - Discovered renal function was declining, causing HBP. Regular monitoring began.

March 2008 - Started transplant evaluation for preemptive transplant due to declining function.

September 16, 2008 - Transplanted with my kidney.
September 18, 2008 - Kidney was removed due to thrombosis in the vessels in and leading to the kidney.

October 2008 - Listed in Region I

May 2009 - Started in Center Hemo
January 2010 - Started CCPD on Liberty Cycler

June 15, 2012 - Kidney transplant from a 43 year old deceased donor
June 22, 2012 - Major acute rejection episode and hospitalization began
June 27, 2012 - Nephrectomy to remove kidney after complete HLA antibody rejection. Possibly not eligible for another transplant, ever again.

Now what?
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