Depressed and overwhelmed

[okarol]

  Hugging you tight Adam. 

[bansix]

Adam, driving here to dialysis today, i had the exact same thoughts. know that you're not alone in thinking that way. i just get tired of the pain, discomfort, hassles, etc. i'm not "depressed", i'm just tired... tired of being tired.
but then i think about how dumb it would be to end it like that, it would bereally lame if you think about it... i always imagined a bank robbery shooting or somthing where i go down fighting. withering away definately wouldn't be fighting

[Adam_W]

I talked to my apartment managers and they said that I can have a cat if my doctor says it's recommended that I have one for a companion. I will ask my doctor and I'm pretty sure he will approve it. I have a friend who is trying to find a home for one of his three cats, and I'll be taking her. She already knows and likes me and she's big and fluffy  . Having her will help alot.

[willowtreewren]

Oh, Adam.

That is wonderful news! I'm so glad. 

Aleta

[ToddB0130]

What is your new kitty's name   Congrats.  So glad you asked !

[jbeany]

 

Hurray for getting a fuzzy!  Becoming a piece of warm-blooded furniture is good for you.   

[galvo]

Good news.

[bleija]

my dog just turned 3 in sept, when i first learned of all my stuff 2 and a half years ago, i remember bawling my eyes out and him just laying on my lap, looking at me, he still knows when i get down and always has a kiss for me, although now he doesnt fit in my lap, hes about 130 lbs.. but he puts his head on my lap and him being there always makes me feel better

[Phraxis]

take strength from the group when you need it, return it when you are able.

and in the depths of depression, please try to remember that it will pass however slowly.

[billybags]

Phraxis, I like that.

[cdwbrooklyn]

I’ve read the posts and found some of it very discouraging and some very encouraging however, I will like to share my feeling of depression.  First and foremost depression is a feeling that everyone has.  It is not only subjected to D-patients.  You can have a happy fulfilling life as a D-patient.   You have to accept that your therapy (treatment) is part of you.  You do not wake up each day to do therapy; you do therapy each day to wake up. Learn your therapy and how it helps your body and take control.  DO NOT RELY ON THE TECHS/NURSES/DOCTORS.   They are doing their job to get paid.  You are just another patient. 

It is very important to have a life.  Find something you like to do.  Go out with friends every chance you get.  Meet someone you want to share your life with; just be careful not to throw your therapy in his or her face all the time.  Just enjoy each other company and do a lot of things together.  You can start meeting someone online; it seems to be the new dating thing nowadays. 

Depression is something that everyone experience not only D-patients.  When you are feeling depressed, find something fun to do or watch a show that makes you laugh.  Call a friend, family member, someone you’re dating, or just go for a walk.  Don’t let the feeling of depression slow you down.  You have to beat it and make it go away.  As far as therapy, look at it like it’s your second job.  Instead of receiving cash, you receive a better and healthier body.  It will work out, just be more confident and live your life.
Just my two cents 

[lmunchkin]

Very well said Cdw!  We all have depression.  Yes there are alot of times I get depressed, especially if I allow myself to get into a rutt.  I find a lot to do with my time other than doing D on my husband.  To me, my job is my PLAY ground.  I enjoy it so much!  I find companionship with members of my church.  We do things like going to movies, bowling or what ever to keep ourselves entertained.  My husband never goes with us, he thinks he may be a burden, but we tell him he is not, but he still won't go.  I feel bad for him sometimes, but I dont think or ponder on it.

Besides, he gets to hear all the juicy details when I get home, and that to him, is his entertainment!  He wants me to be happy inspite of his condition.  He would have it no other way.  I do wish, that his children would at least come sit with him every once in a while, but that my dear friends, is in God's hands.  I can't say or do anything when it comes to his kids, quite frankly, I like it that way.  But my daughter does offer to come stay with him, but he refuses.  Now she just doesnt ask anymore!  She knows that it is not her personally, but his disease.

I do however, thank God that he has me & visversa.  J is a super good man.  He was my spark when we married 18yrs, and still flamming on!
I like your attitude Cdw.  You and I think alike!  Altough, I wish you would post more.

God Bless,
lmunchkin
 

[beachbum]

ps. I also hope you can get a cat! I love pets!!! They make you feel so much better especially when you are upset!

I don't know what I would do without my cats. They keep me going and when I get stressed they are always there. I worry more about my cats than I do humans lol.

Also, we share the same PD anniversary. I started my PD Nov 15 too!

[galvo]

With you 100%, beachbum.

[fearless]

So glad you're able to adopt your friend's cat!  She will be PURRFECT for you!   (and you for her)

[Adam_W]

It turns out I will not be adopting my friend's cat. She has become an outdoor only cat, and we are discovering that's what she prefers. She just seems so much happier than she ever did inside. So we are going to let her continue to be an outdoor cat, and I will go to the animal shelter and adopt a new little kitty.

[fearless]

 

[jbeany]

You may want to keep your eyes on Craig's list instead, looking for a free kitty there.  I lost my 12 year old fur-baby this last week - she had cancer and I had to put her to sleep.  I lasted in my dead-quiet apartment about 2 days before I started looking at the shelter websites.  They want more of a background check than the FBI did when I started working for the US Attorney's office! Some of them want references, vet records from all previous pets, permission to speak to the vet, copies of your lease, proof that you aren't considering moving in the next year or two, a signed pledge that you will continue to vaccinate, provide regular checkups and never, never consider declawing....the list is endless.  Apparently, I can only get a cat if I sign over my first born child.

[Adam_W]

Well, I've finally decided to seek professional help for my depression. Since I got out of the hospital last week for my stomach bleeding, the depression has gotten worse, and I've also been having anxiety and panic attacks for no apparent reason. My doctor is referring me to a psychiatrist. They will be able to accurately diagnose what I may have and will be able to treat it with the right medicines and counseling. My desire to pass away is still there. I'm having to fight myself to keep doing dialysis. I'll let you all know how this goes. Please pray for me.
 

[jbeany]

 

[fearless]

Adam,
One thing I surely can do is pray.  And I pray that you can feel my prayer, because it has love inside it.

didn't I read elsewhere that you were about to adopt a kitten (or two?)  I remember the picture, yes?  How is that coming along?

[MooseMom]

Adam, you deserve to have the chance to get help, so good for you for getting a referral.  I know that this will be a very personal process for you, but if there's ever a time you'd like to post about the help you are getting, I know a LOT of people here would really benefit from what you have to say.  What you are experiencing is not uncommon. 

Listen..it's not always easy to find a psychiatrist that you can work with.  If you don't like the one you see at first, don't give up, OK?  Keep looking for a professional that you like and you trust.

[okarol]

Hi Adam,
If you ever need someone to talk to let me know and I will PM my number.
I am glad you're getting more help, hope it works out.
Sending you lots of love and BIG HUGS!
 
Take care, please keep posting.

[Deanne]

Adam, You're a rock star for admitting you need help and reaching out for it. I think that takes a lot of strength, wisdom, and insight. 

[billybags]

Adam I will say lots of prayers for you. Please don't lose heart my friend.