I need words of hope fast

[dyann]

My clearence levels are bad and I am showing signs of becoming very ill,    I am not sleeping  my dialysis tx arent going well,  I am very down and I am struggling with a 14 yr old who is suicidal  I have stopped taking some meds to be able to supply her with meds so i know it has made things  harder on my body  everyone is worried  I used to be so positive  I just dont feel that way anymore  I feel alone and with no one to turn to  I have more and more days of wanting to give up because I am so very very tired  but sleep doesnt come even with this sleeping pill i am on it doesnt work  I dont know if i want to fight anymore  someone pls help me here  I need some hope  because i am running out of it

[okarol]

Hi dyann, So sorry you're having a tough time. A chronic illness can be very overwhelming and if you're dealing with other stress it must seem unbearable. I don't know what to say to help. The one thing that comes to mind is something they say on airplanes in the safety talk before take off. They say if the oxygen masks drop down, put yours on first before you assist someone else. It cannot be easy to help your teen when you're not able to be well yourself. This must come first, in my view. Are there any family members or friends that can give you some help? Can you ask a social worker or nurse to assist you with applying for prescription assistance? Is there any counseling available for your teen, and you too, if needed to cope through this difficult time? I hope you can get your meds in order, get some help with maximizing your dialysis treatments, and rest as much as you can. Sending you big hugs and hope you'll keep us posted. 

[galvo]

Dyann, I don't think that anything I could say would be of help. I feel for you. All I seem to do, in the grim  times, is muddle through day by day. Easy to say; not so easy to do.

[Pam]

Try to take things day by day and i needed hr by hr. My r, gave a script for ativan, very low dose. I don't take it every day but it does take the edge off on the bad days.
I'm so glad my kids have grown past the teen yrs. Is there some kind of hotline you could call for help? I know this is not much help for you but maybe talking to anyone and lots of will help.
Pam

[RichardMEL]

phew, this is a tough one. I agree with Galvo - there's not much anyone can really say I don't think. I also agree with Karol the wise though - you need to look after yourself before others - otherwise how can you help them (ie: your daughter) when you're going through so much. It is a major concern you are not taking some of your meds - which as you say is affecting your body, how you feel, dialysis etc. Possibly seeing you suffering like this is less of a help to your daughter and what she's trying to deal with than the sacrifice you're making to give HER meds (I presume you have stopped taking some of yours in order to afford meds for her? something like that? Please don't be giving her any of YOUR medication!!!).

Is there some way perhaps you could see your dialysis unit/team social worker to assist with the meds issue(again as Karol suggests). What about your daughter's school counsellor or someone like that to perhaps find some way to assist with her med needs?

I sense a snowball effect here that doesn't bode well - ie: you want to help your daughter, so stop taking your meds, affect your body and treatments and quality of life, whch in turn makes you worse, which affects her negatively, which amplifies the problem until it's way out of control. That would get me down too!

I really hope you can find some way to arrest the snowball (it's summr there!) and find some way to get both your needs met because you can't help anyone if you're in no state yourself.

Is there no assistance from family members at all? What about social services of some kind?

I really hope you can find some way through this.

My best wishes.

[gothiclovemonkey]

Im sorry u have to deal with that!
I went thru a huge depression, suicidal issues, and self harm thru most of my life (how terrible that must have been for my parents, particularly, my sick mother!) I hope my story may help u a bit to understand:
Being that age is hard no matter what, add to that sickness of a loved one, it does make it hard. U want to help them, but at that age u cant, u dont know what to do, i started self harming at age 11, and it was very bad, my parents didnt understand, and at that time it was not suicidal at all. then when my mom passed away, when i was 14, i lost it, and became suicidal... it took years for me to come out of it.
The  reason i even tell u this, u NEED to take ur meds, and follow ur treatment plan, no matter what! its dire. My mom didnt do what her doctors wanted, and it made it hard on everyone. Please take care of urself, because u cant take care of them if ur not taking care of u!!! Your child WILL get better with help! be PATIENT as u can be, do not judge or be harsh, that wont help! I know!! Its got to be hard and frustrating and impossible to understand. There are programs that help pay for meds, infact SOME medicines have a program directly with the maker of said pill.. i think most psych meds offer that!!! Do some research!! Or if u want to message me and tell me what she is on, and the area u live (like the state?) i can do some research for u!!! 
Coucelling is a huge help, but sometimes it can be frustrating if the turn over rate is high! I am 27 and JUST found a therapist i like, ive been in therapy since i was 11!
Good ideas i think, but a journal for them to write in, only for THEIR eyes, get one with a lock, and dont snoop, it will help them alot! if they are artistic, get something they can draw in, art therapy can be amazing!
If u need anything, or have any questions, please feel free to message me! Ive been dealing with mental issues most of my life, as well as having a sick parent. Infact, if they would like to talk to me, id be happy to do that as well! Anything I can do, let me know!
I hope things get better for u, have hope that this wont always be like this!
I fear the same for my child, he already has issues because of me being sick all the time, but i do the best i can for him...

 

[kristina]

Hello, dyann,

I do feel for you and send you my best wishes,
and I do hope you can find a way through this.

Kristina 

[Des]

I am very sorry that you are going through this. I have been in the deepest pit myself and I can honestly say that no one truly knows what you are going through except you.

What I can say is HANG ON just a bit longer. No storm lasts forever. The pitch black dark night does not last forever. This WILL pass. I cannot tell you how long this sadness and dispair will last but I know it will pass.

I will think of you and pray for you from all the way around the world.

Lots of love and  from me to you.

I hope the sun shines through the darkness soon.
    

[jeannea]

I'm so sorry you're having troubles. Forget about one day at a time, just try to get through one hour at a time. We're here for support but if you can find some support locally I think it would help you. Sometimes United Way has free counseling. Maybe your social worker has other ideas.

[Annig83]

Dyann,
Are you currently on Medicare?  Medicaid?  I agree with everyone (with risk of sounding repetative), that you need additional resources, and need to speak with your social worker.  There are tons of prescription drug plans that offer assistance with medication.  I was having the hardest time with affording my meds.  I talked to my social worker and we got me on a plan through SSI/Disability and Medicare where I only pay 2-6 dollars for my medications.

Obviously, I don't know your whole situation, but it sounds like counseling for your daughter would be very beneficial.  There are programs that offer assistance in your town.  You can even call a suicide hotline, or local psychiatric facility and they should be able to connect you to the right place.

HUGS.
Annie

[rsudock]

Can you get more dialysis treatment? Even doing in center nocternal dialysis would give you better clearance. I know it is easy to slip down the rabbit hole of depression but keep soildering on! We all go through it. I am so sorry this is happening.   

xo,
R

[dyann]

Well here is the update,  my daughter was admitted to the stress center last night, My Dr. would like me to go into a stress center he said I am just overwhelmed right now and its been to much for me to deal with, however I refused but I agreed to go into the center for a week to work on my clearence levels.  as for the questions about medicare I do have ithowever if I were to use it for meds I would lose coverage with United Health care which is my primary  not sure I understand y however that is what I was told.  I did speak with the socialworker where i go to clinic, but she was no help so I am going to speak with my therapist tomorrow.  I feel very bad that I was such a positive person when it came to my Illness, where did that go.  I do think my daughters issues have somewhat to do with my illness,  she has also been dx with bipolar disorder and she refuses to take meds regularly  and that leads to a very long days when she in an uproar.  so there it is  I will get it together it just may take sometime thank you all I needed all your your good wishes still do.

[boswife]

oh dyann, I can offer prayers and send my best wishes.  It's the hardest ever when its not just us stressing, but when we're trying to hold others together, well, it becomes too much sometimes.  I wish you wellness and health and strength to get through.  Im hoping you get answers and help soon.   

[Annig83]

 
At least you and your daughter are getting some help that you need.  Being bipolar and not taking meds regulary can definitely take a toll on the mind and body, for both of you.
Can you switch your Medicare with United Health?  Have Medicare as your primary?  Also there is a program through Medicare that is specifically designed for "low-income".  (Again, I don't know your situation, but if you are working and only bringing in so much they can assist you with getting the medications).

I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Kitty Cat]

Dyann I have no words of wisdom to offer, I am sending you hugs and Prayers to help you and your daughter through this very difficult time. Please keep us posted