Really depressed

[Bette]

I started PD on the cyler about 2 weeks ago and now I feel worse than I did on hemo.  I thought getting on the cycler would let me have enough energy to go back to work.  I can barely do light housework.  All I want to do is lay around.  My body just won't allow me to do the things my mind wants me to do.  I feel like crying. 

[Sluff]

Hello Bette,

I know it takes time for the body sometimes adjusting to change. It's ok to cry, but somedays it's just that way, and tomorrow brings another day to try and do the things you couldn't do today.

I do hope you feel better in the near future. Keep on keeping on so they say.

Keep us posted on how your doing the next few days, and weeks.

My prayers are with you today.

[jedimaster]

Don't worry...it will get better. It takes time for your body to adjust. Check your blood work also...how anemic are you?...DO tell your medical team...they should help you. I feel for you though. 

[stauffenberg]

There is no reason why PD should make you any more energetic than hemodialysis.  PD has the advantage of more continuous cleansing of toxins and less difficulty with fluid overload, but hemodialysis has the advantage of bringing the toxin level in the body down to near-normal levels right after dialysis, which PD never achieves.  PD also causes more loss protein, but some patients find it more convenient to be able to schedule treatments according to their own timetable.  I preferred to remain on hemodialysis, however, since I did not want to have my face rubbed in my medical problems by having to deal with them myself every day and preferred instead to leave them up to the nursing team at the dialysis unit while I just read a book.

[Ohio Buckeye]

I hope you feel better soon.

[goofynina]

Bette, it takes a little time getting used to, the whole process with the peritoneum adjusting to the amount of fluid and stretching and all,  i sure hope you start feeling better soon,  i feel so much better on PD than i ever did on Hemo, and yes, it took me some time too,  once they figure out your correct dwell time and amounts and stuff (if they havent did it already) you should hopefully start noticing changes for the better, but in the meantime,  DONT GIVE UP, we are here for you, you can do this 

[gizmar]

You're describing a common phenomenon for dialysis patients.  It took me a really long time to come to terms with my head telling me I should feel one way and my body not cooperating.  I don't know if it'll help you a whole lot but I found when I finally gave myself permission to feel like crap and not expect anything from myself, I just did the couch thing and said "oh well, maybe later or if not later, then tomorrow I'll feel better".  The other thing I found really hard to adjust to is that I find on dialysis days my emotional self is sitting right on my nerve endings and it doesn't take much to throw my perceptions off.  I've enlisted my sister to keep reminding me that it's a "d" day and that I have to lighten up on myself and just go with it.

The more positive you can keep yourself, the more positive your experience will be.  Follow your diet, watch your fluids and give yourself a break.

[scyankee]

It will take some time to adjust to your new "lifestyle". Be patient. Besides, what else is so important? Dishes?
Laundry??? It will all wait.  And soon you may only feel like doing ONE thing in a day and that is OK. You
just need to pace yourself and accept what is (even though I don't do it myself).
SCYankee

[Bette]

Thank you all so much.  I love this site because no one except other patients really understand what dialysis is like. 

I was on dialsis in my 20's and I felt pretty good all the time.  I worked full time and everything.  Now that I am 39, things are much harder, and for the first time I cant do what I want.  I didn't expect that.  It's been a hard.

[angieskidney]

If PD doesn't work out you can always switch back to HD right? In the meantime give it a chance. Might take a bit of adjusting, but if after a few months it is still not better than maybe there will have to be a change. Make sure you keep talking about it with your dialysis staff and renal social worker Good luck! Everyone has their own preference and you have to decide what is best for you. 

[Sluff]

I'm glad IHD makes a difference in your life. Hope your doing beter.

[kitkatz]

I know the little rays of sunshine we all are on this site just make your heart glad we are all here all the time to help each other!
Now that the sarcasm is over, it is okay to feel depressed about things.  This way of life can just get to you sometimes.,  Adjustments to PD or hemo leave you feeling lost sometimes as your body is adjusting to new things. 

[Zach]

I preferred to remain on hemodialysis, however, since I did not want to have my face rubbed in my medical problems by having to deal with them myself every day and preferred instead to leave them up to the nursing team at the dialysis unit while I just read a book.

Maybe that's why you did so poorly on dialysis, because you abdicated your responsibilities.

You must be in favor of the "Nanny State."

[strateup]

Bette,                I was on PD for 5 years before going to Hemo.  I remember very clearly that first month on PD.  I thought I would die, that my body wasn't designed to do that.  It does get easier with time.  Once you get used to it, it gets much easier to deal with.  The best long term advice I can give you is to always do your best to keep a sterile environment when hooking up.  I got peritonitis 4 times, the last time destroyed my peritoneal membrane so I was forced onto Hemo.  If I had my choice I would definitely be on PD.  Hang in there, your body and schedule will adjust to it, good luck!

[stauffenberg]

Zach should know that I always strictly adhered to my diet, fluid restriction, medical appointments, and other medications while on dialysis.  I never missed a single dialysis appointment from December, 1996 when I started dialysis until August, 2005, when I got a transplant.  My blood values were always good.  So I think I can say that I fully lived up to all my responsibilities.

Of the factors which probably contributed to my very poor quality of life on dialysis, there was 1) the fact that Wegener's Vasculitis, an autoimmune disease which ravages the entire body, caused my kidneys to fail, and the effects of this underlying disease persisted long after the initial falre up which led to endstage renal failure; 2) when I started dialysis I had had what my doctors described as a very severe case of type 1 diabetes for more than 30 years, and the toxins produced by diabetes made the incomplete clearing of toxins during my period on dialysis even more harmful than they would otherwise have been.  Interestingly, because of my obsessive compliance with the diabetes regimen, although 40% of type 1 diabetics have renal failure from diabetes within 20 years of onset, in my case, 30 years after onset biopsy confirmed that I had absolutely no damage from diabetes, but all the damage was from Wegener's Vasculitis.

I have never attacked anyone personally on this message board for any reason.  I don't think I should have to put up with personal attacks either.  This board is about discussing our experiences with dialysis and our thoughts about the treatment, not for psychoanalyzing and attacking each other.

[angieskidney]

I have never attacked anyone personally on this message board for any reason.  I don't think I should have to put up with personal attacks either.  This board is about discussing our experiences with dialysis and our thoughts about the treatment, not for psychoanalyzing and attacking each other.

True. But just like people have taken things I have said the wrong way, seems because your posts tend to be negative and you are no longer on dialysis, it makes people take you the wrong way too. Perhaps post a positive post and shock everyone? lol

Anyway, first starting PD wasn't so bad for me but PD is not for everyone. For some people HD is better. It is easy to get depressed when things seem to not be getting better. We are here for you Bette! 

[mallory]

Bette, Are you feeling better?  I started PD on the 7th of December, and I started with the cycler on the 26th.  It definitely takes some getting used to, and I'm not there yet, either.  The first couple of days I felt like I could hardly breathe, and I could barely eat anything.  But, it is getting better every day.  And my dialysis clinic said it will continue to get better as they adjust my dwell times, the solution I use, etc.

I get frustrated with all the things I can't do, too.  I've learned to concentrate on the things I can do, instead.  Every day at the end of the day I think about the things I was able to accomplish that day.  You'll laugh, but some days the list is something like "Got out of bed, went to work, did dialysis when I was supposed to, put the soda pop in the fridge."  Some days the list is longer, but I always feel good about the things I could do.

I'll be thinking about you, feel better!

[jedimaster]

Zach is a smart man, I love his posts...although sometimes he is a bit rough. Never the less the means well. We are all here to help each other, agreed. Hope you feel better

[TrophyWife]

Hi This is Ann....I haven't posted in awhile. I just wanted to say.....maybe you are depressed. AS in not kidney related...depression. Tiredness is a symptom of depression as well. Maybe tell you doctor and try some lexapro or something. Just my 2 cents........anyway, Hope you get to feeling better.