What do you do?

[kitkatz]

I was talking to a friend of mine who is on dialysis. She has been on dialysis for the last year and has had some access problems.  She also has other medical problems and is prone to having longer hospital stays becaus eof them.  She told me last night that if her access clots again and if they cannot fix it she is giving up dialysis at that point.  No more surgery. No nothing.  I know how she feels. I understand how she feels.  I am not there yet, but could be.
     I told her to call me next time or anytime she went into the hospital day or night and I would be there.  I will hold her hand and be there no matter what she decides.

[Sara]

Wow.  How old is she?

[kitkatz]

She is my age around 43.

[Sara]

She is lucky she has you to count among her friends, to hold her hand and support her no matter her decision.

[kitkatz]

Her mother will totally flip out.

[jedimaster]

I am sorry to hear that. I understand, though...it is hard as is, any problem added on it just makes it harder. I hope she doesn't give up. 

[anja]

What a compassionate gesture on your part, Kit, not just anyone would be so non-judgemental and available!  You are the BEST!

[angieskidney]

Ya Kitkatz! You are an amazing friend but what a situation to be in. Only she can make the right decision for her but maybe with your support it will help her pull through all the tough times! 

[Lucinda]

HI Kit,

You are doing the exactly the right thing by supporting her in her decision.  One of my dearest friends decided about this time last year not to go onto dialysis after a failed transplant.  He rang me a few days before he passed to tell me his decision.  Once he explained why he had made that decision, I had to support him because it was really what he wanted.  Making that decision is incredibly brave and I admired him for doing so.  He knew exactly what he wanted and I would only have distressed him had I not been there to support him.

I don't think I could have done it but I haven't been sick for many years with numerous health problems and he wanted to go with dignity.  I loved him very much and I still miss him terribly but we snuggled up together the day before he passed away and I just knew his spirit would always be with me.  There was a calmness around us that I had never felt before.  There were no tears, we just said goodnight and in the morning he was gone.

Your love and support will help your friend on her journey.  Whether she decides to stay here with us or not, you need to let her know that you totally respect and support her in her decision.  If she feels a peace from you, it will be easier for her to leave you if that is what she really wants to do.

A close friend making that decision is excruciatingly hard to accept but if they are brave enough to make that decision, we need to be brave enough to support them.  I think you are being a terrific friend and you are doing exactly the right thing. I think that one day I might want to make that decision as well and I would want my family and friends to support me.  Please let us know what happens.

Take care   

[angela515]

That's a great thing your doing by being there for your friend kitkatz. She is lucky to have you as a friend. 

On another note... for me, all my access' in my arms no longer work and my viens are no longer usable for an access. I was tired of getting cath's in my chest and they were looking towards putting an access in my thigh when I drew the line and said NO. If it wasn't for my 2 little kids who are only 4 and 5 and NEED me, I would of gave up then and stopped dialysis. However, since my kids need me I started looking online for other alternatives and then I found out about PD, and demanded I be seen to see if I could do that, luckily I could and I did.

So I can understand how she feels about giving up, and if she does decide to do that... I hope everyone can respect her decision and help her through her final journey. Good luck. 

[Sluff]

KitKatz, your a gem.

[Joe Paul]

I empathize with you kitkatz, and your friend. When I found out I needed to go on dialysis, I told my Neph & the Surgeon they have one chance, and that was all. Its why my fistula was used after only being 3 weeks and a day old. If something should happen to this access, thats it for me too.

[Rerun]

Kit, I'm glad you are there for her.  Sometimes people say a lot of things they want to do because it gives them power.  She may change her mind if they can give her some options and hope.  I know what I've said in the past and I'm still on dialysis.  I hate it, but I'm still on it.  Just give her her way for now.

[kitkatz]

Giving her her way is the only thing I know how to do.  I know this road is rough and there are bumps on it a lot.  I just lend and ear and let her complain and I tell her my stories about dialysis.  I think sometimes if it were not for me being around she would have given up already on this road.  God sure puts me in some funny situations to make a point!

[strateup]

KitKatz have you referred your friend to this website?  I think we all have times when we can relate to how she feels.  Sometimes just being able to share your feelings with people who really understand really helps.  She is lucky to have a friend like you.

[kitkatz]

She doe snot have acomputer or she would be here daily!

[goofynina]

Kit, hang in there girlfriend and remember, although you are there for her, you just may need someone to be there for YOU through this tough time and who better than, US, your IHD FAMILY!!