Feeling Guilty

[JennyGiggle]

I know I have just joined but this is the first place I have felt free to vent some feelings and thoughts in weeks.

I was really independant before starting dialysis, I had my own flat, I worked around the clock and I helped out a lot at home when I stayed with my parents. Since getting ill I have had to move back in with my mum. Typical mum, I know this is really hard on her too. She has a lot to deal with just now without me being a burden. We had an argument recently and we both said some things that I know we didn't mean. She said things along the line of - Your always tired and ill and you never help anymore, I take too much of her time these days. I know she didn't mean it but I can't help but feel really guilty afterwards, and it still eating away at me. When I first become ill she was really there to listen and I told her everything I was feeling, but now I find myself hiding even basic things like when I am really having an off day. Is it normal to feel like this? What if this does turn into resentment between us, I couldn't cope losing my friendship with my mum just now.

Jenny

[billybags]

jenny, do not ever feel like a burden on your mum. I would say she would be devastated if she knew you felt this way. Its like most parents, you see your children off into the world and you look around and think "what am I to do now" after a while you get your self sorted and a new life emerges, you find things to do for your self and then low and behold "they are back". It will take some time for your mum to get back into having you home, it is normal. She is probably worried sick and does not understand what you are going through. You are not going to find it easy after having your own life a way from home. My daughter did not. Please talk to your mum, tell her how you feel, tell her you do feel tired and not well, tell her you are scared and you don't know what the future holds. There has got to be give and take on both sides I am sure you will sort things out.

[iketchum]

You know how hard it is to come to terms with your disability. Your mom is also having to deal with the fact her girl is really sick and it may scare her. Definitely talk with her about it, keep the communication between you two open. It isnt your fault you got sick, I feel quilty sometimes too because my wife works and I dont now. I try to help as much as I can but sometimes it doesnt seem enough. Just do what you can do.

[fc2821]

       I know there are times when this is all over whelming and you feel so out of control of your life.  Don't let it affect how you feel about your Mom.  She is very concerned  about you and it is just as over whelming for her to see her daughter fighting against kidney failure.  Talk to her let her know how you feel, but remember to listen to her concerns too.  A parent loves their child and only wants what is best for them as you do for your Mom. 
      It is ok to vent, that's why IHD is here to give you a place to let go of those things that build up inside.  There will always be someone here to listen and who will want to help. 
      Good luck Jenny.
       

[RichardMEL]

This is a tough one. Your mum is taking out her frustration and feelings of helplessness out on you in a way which isn't fair at all, but it's kind of normal - who else does she have to vent to about her concerns and fears? Same with you. Maybe you should try to get your mum to come to IHD - she might feel support from the caregivers on here.

I think we all understand how it can be on those off days. I understand not wanting to share a lot of it with your mum... you don't want to add to her burden (but since you live with her she'll know anyway.. she's not your mum for nothing you know!). She may even resent in a way if you don't share because she can tell you're not having a good time yet not sharing.. so she may feel pushed away or something.

It's a tough road to tread absolutely.

I think, if it was me, I would sit down with mum and just say how you're feeling. be honest. Get it off your chest. I mean you're worrying about it and it's affecting you and stressing you - none of that is good for you(or mum) so just try to find a good time to sit down over a cuppa and be open and honest with her about where you're at and how you feel. She may appreciate a little more where you are coming from as much as having things aired.

Good luck! 

[nycrtst85]

sorry to hear that,be strong and talk to your mum with love.read the bible for strenght God can mend things out have faith.