Im so selfish

[KICKSTART]

After yesterdays bad treatment i rang my mum as shes the only one i have to share this with and maybe it was a mistake because she was very upset. She was supposed to be going out last night ..another family 'do' that i wasnt invited too ! Because my brother is emigrating to Australia on saturday. So because my mum was so upset she said she wasnt going to the 'do' how could she go knowing what i was going through. So i didnt like the idea of her sitting there all alone and upset so i rang my aunty who was holding the get together to see if she could persuade my mum to go ( there was nothing my mum could actually do for me) Well i couldnt believe it ! I told her what had happened , what the nurse said and what tests i had to go for and she turned round and called me a SELFISH COW , she said how dare i spoil my mums last couple of days with my brother and that i should have kept my mouth shut. She also added that she knew plenty of people on dialysis that had no problems at all so i was obviously not going for dialysis or doing what they told me , so at that point i put the phone down. Is it any wonder i feel like i do?

[Des]

I don't call people names but THE STUPID COW!!!!!   

She had no right to do that. You are wonderfull and needed to tell someone what's been going on.

You are not selfish!!!!

[RichardMEL]

what's that about being able to choose your friends but not your family?

blah. I sort of understand where she was coming from but good grief that's insensitive and rude to you (and whatever happened to trusting the patient?)). Just because someone else is stable and OK on dialysis does NOT mean the next person is. ALso you can be stable for ages then have a flare up of this or that.. it just doesn't work like you're a robot and it's always the same. This should almost link to that thread about ignorant things people have said....

[Bub]

what's that about being able to choose your friends but not your family?

Just because someone else is stable and OK on dialysis does NOT mean the next person is.

RichardMel that is so true.  Everyone reacts differently.  I have spoken to some people on hemo that finish feeling refreshed.  While I on the other hand feel wasted and sick to my stomach.

Kickstart dont feel that you are selfish.  She was wrong to say that.  I would try to not be angry as she simply does not understand.  Few people do.  I recently changed personal care physicians and my new one is great.  However in my first meeting with her I was a little put back at the lack of empathy she had for hemo dialysis patients. Remember my mantra: "Walk in my shoes for one day!".

[Rerun]

Let's just kick you when you are down?  I hope you feel better after a nights rest. 

                                             

[paris]

Family!   They can be the least supportive at times.  She doesn't sound like a very nice person.  Is your brother immigrating to leave these relatives behind?   Sorry--a little comic relief!   You don't deserve for people to be so rude and inconsiderate.  I am sorry for how they are treating you.   Sending big hugs   

[okarol]

She sounds like a SHAMELESS BITCH! 

[MissyKew]

Famil, unfortunately, does not automaticly equal understanding and comfort.  I went through breast cancer pretty much alone with no family support.  Going through dialysis pretty much alone too.  KS, I highly suggest that you find a supposrt group in your area and get involved with it.  They help.  They really do.  Forget your aunt.  She isn't worth any emotions wasted on her, good or bad.

[kitkatz]

She who calls you names needs a good whacking!   

[Poppylicious]

Goodness, so it's selfish to want the support of your mum and also selfish to want your mum to go out and enjoy herself when you could do with all the support you can get? 

*borrows kitkatz's stick*

Perhaps you made her feel a tad guilty because you're not going to the family 'do' and she turned that guilt into an attack on you? 

Bluddy family.  Sometimes we'd be better off without them.

*hugs*

[Hanify]

Would it help if one of us gave your aunt a phone call and explained that there's no such thing as 'usual' with dialysis, and that everyone's situations are completely different?  Or would that make it worse.  I'd be happy to ring her and have a chat. I promise I'd be polite....I think.

[KICKSTART]

Would it help if one of us gave your aunt a phone call and explained that there's no such thing as 'usual' with dialysis, and that everyone's situations are completely different?  Or would that make it worse.  I'd be happy to ring her and have a chat. I promise I'd be polite....I think.

Thanks for the offer but i wouldnt waste your money ! She has never bothered in 10 years to give me a call to see how im doing ! I take comfort in the saying ..what goes around , comes around 

[Goofy]

When people, on a continuous basis, treat me like your aunt has treated you, I just avoid them.  I don't want them to talk to me ever again.  I don't want to even hear what's going on with that person and if I have to see that person for some reason, it just reinforces why I don't want anything to do with them!!

I know you can't always avoid people but for me, that's the only thing I can do.  I'm not going to let some jerk make me feel bad.  I'm the one who lets them do it to me.  So I'm the one who needs to change my behavior.  It has taken me MANY years to "develop" that attitude but its the only way I know how to keep those kind of people from getting me down.

[Goofy]

As usual, I always forget to say something!

I forgot to mention that I've been doing really well accepting that I'm on dialysis but I'm also having a hard time with people thinking its no big deal.  It just get me so angry.

Kickstart, print some information on the side effects of dialysis and send it to your aunt.  But then again, it may just be a waste of paper.  She'd probably think that happens to only other people and not you.

[Phraxis]

My approach to such things is that I have given myself permission to "BE SELFISH". When I was on D, my office ran on that schedule, now it runs on what we call my "sick" one, which we will follow until January when we start the "recuperating" one. (After years of looking after people, I am finally envoking the privilage of being the boss) But it is an adjustment, and people have to get used to it. Takes time. But from your description, the other person was in the wrong, and your Mom needs to trust you to tell her when you need her and when you need to vent a little and she can carry on with her plans.

For my part, I don't vent but I nap. Nice long, flannel sheets and PJ naps. And I selfishly take them whenever I feel like it.

Hope things turn around soon.