Grandmother's values, tightknit family and an extra kidney

[okarol]

November 29, 2009

Grandmother's values, tightknit family and an extra kidney

Elsie Brown had a certain way of doing things. She liked things orderly. She liked to feed people. And she loved having her family close. There were enough of them — she and her husband, Charles, had 16 children and 30 grandchildren. And on Sundays, everyone was at her house near Brands Flat for dinner.

The grownups ate in shifts, and the kids sat at the kid's table on the porch.

"And Granddaddy didn't care what you put on your plate," grandson Ronnie Brown told me the other night.

"But you'd better eat it, and eat all of it," his cousin, Blake, finished for him.

"They grew up in hard times, you know," Ronnie said.

"You didn't waste anything," Blake added.

That's pretty much how the conversation went Thursday night. They didn't have to convince me — the Brown family is tightknit.

Elsie, born in 1905, was diagnosed with polio as a child. From childhood, she spent her life in a wheelchair. She understood what it was to do without, so above all, she taught her children and grandchildren about her strong faith and to always share what they had with someone in need.

A lot of times the boys shared fists. They'd pick on one another from the time they got together until they headed home. Ronnie was a teenager by the time Blake came along, and Blake got the worst of the picking.

"He'd bite you," said Ronnie, 52, with a big grin. "He'd come out of nowhere and bite you."

"I was a little guy, so usually it was about the kneecaps," Blake grinned back.

Elsie died in 1995, two weeks before she turned 90. She finished her chores for the night one evening, sat down in her rocker near the sewing machine, read and folded up her newspaper and nodded off into her final sleep.

She must have known she'd taught all the lessons she needed to teach.

In late June of this year, the family gathered again for the annual Brown reunion. There'd been a lot of talk about Ronnie needing a kidney transplant. The tall, healthy-looking farmer hadn't been sick much before the doctor told him the results of a recent blood test showed early kidney problems. Within a year, he was on dialysis three times a week and struggling to work in sales and with the family's farming operation.

Several relatives had tested to see if their kidneys would work, but none had qualified.

"At the reunion, Blake came over and asked me for the number," Kathy, Ronnie's wife, said. "You hate to ask people to make that kind of sacrifice, but if they asked, I was ready."

Blake, his wife, Melanie and their three children live in Ruther Glen. Blake didn't share his plan to take the medical tests with his wife.

"I didn't know anything about it until we got a package from U.Va. in the mail," Melanie said.

Blake's test results looked good. The surgery was planned for Oct. 29. The hospital workers were overwhelmed with the large Brown family — they had to open another waiting room just for them.

Before they started sewing him up, Ronnie's new and Blake's slightly used kidney was working. When the news hit the crowded waiting room at U.Va., a fresh set of tears poured.

Blake hasn't wept, however. It's really, he says, not that big a deal.

"Ronnie needed a kidney, I had an extra one, so I gave him one."

Thursday, of course, was Thanksgiving. It was the first time I'd be able to interview both of these Brown men for the kidney donor story. What I didn't know was that it was the first time they'd seen one another since they'd both been in the operating room.

Blake had never been in Ronnie's house — they'd always visited at the barn, where Ronnie would rather be, anyway.

But Ronnie is under doctor's orders to stay off heavy equipment and away from cattle. "Well, he told me that he couldn't really tell me not to, but he said I'd been through a life-changing experience and not to screw up," Ronnie said.

"And Blake said he wasn't going to help me again."

"Nope, I told him I was fresh out of spare kidneys, so he'd better take care of it."

So is Ronnie feeling bad about beating up on his cousin?

"Probably not," Blake answered. "He's supposed to give me a hair transplant, but he hasn't come through yet."

Greeting cards, cash donations and an extraordinary outpouring of love and help from friends and strangers have accompanied this experience for both families.

"I don't think Blake realizes what an impact all of this has had on other people," Melanie said. "People have been touched by this."

I asked Blake's 8-year-old son, Regan, how his friends reacted when he told them what his dad had done. "Not much," he answered.

"They just said, 'Wow.'"

Wow, indeed.

I left Ronnie Brown's house that night, a little more grateful and ready for this upcoming holiday season. I drove down the long driveway with Christmas songs on the radio and thinking about someone I'd never met.

Elsie Brown knew the good that comes from sharing what you have.

Elsie Brown didn't just teach good lessons to her flock.

She taught them well.

http://www.newsleader.com/article/20091129/NEWS01/911290340