Now I have something to say

[Ken Shelmerdine]

OK boys, I can smell you all from here. We women do not, I stress do not trump.

Have you had your fart gland removed Billybags?

[Ken Shelmerdine]

I came across this today:

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered I was listening to my iPod.

 

Were you playing the trumpaphone? 

[billybags]

Ken, I do not, I repeat do not fart.  I TRUMP, I am always trumping, I can trump to order. Are you happy now.

[Bill Peckham]

Another advantage of home dialysis - I can just call the dog into the room and blame him

[Ken Shelmerdine]

Now c'mon this started out as a serious thread from Iketchum. I knew it would degenerate.....slight pause, need to fart...ahhh so lets treat it as such 

[MooseMom]

I agree with whichever poster it was who said it had to do with sodium bicarbonate.  I've been taking sodium bicarb in tablet form for some time now; once I started having to take the maximum dosage of 8 tablets a day, I noticed a BIG increase in general fartiness.

[Ken Shelmerdine]

I agree with whichever poster it was who said it had to do with sodium bicarbonate.  I've been taking sodium bicarb in tablet form for some time now; once I started having to take the maximum dosage of 8 tablets a day, I noticed a BIG increase in general fartiness.

Moosemum 'fartiness'  I like that word.

Billybags lets be clear about this. A trump is a fart is a fart is a trump.
Only Her Majesty the Queen has had her fart gland removed although privately not on the NHS.

I like this thread beacause I just like typing the word FART?

Another question I've always asked myself. Will I always laugh when I fart. 

[Thesunwillshinetomorrow]

Once my partner and I crossed that barrier...boy did he cross that barrier. He did tell me it had something to do with something h took. I"m guessing it's the sodium bicarbonate as mentioned here by a member.
Someone asked about if they will ever stop laughing when they toot! I have the same problem....I call it laughing gas!! 

[GA_DAWG]

Women do not fart, they poot. and also they do not seat, they glisten. Just ask my wife.

[Riki]

I was told that the best way to relieve yourself of gas was to move about.  Since we mostly lie still during dialysis, usually, the second we move, a little squaker will sneak out.  There isn't a whole lot that can be done about it, and I know that my nurses are quite good not to say anything about it

[GA_DAWG]

The real embarrassment comes when you finally get to stand up, stretch, and  as Riki said, a little squeaker comes out.

[Simon Dog]

I'll take a squeaker over a silent but deadly any day.

[Michael Murphy]

Maybe that’s why every one is wearing a surgical mask around me.  I think the only way to be offensive about this is if you ask the personnel to pull your finger.

[Charlie B53]

Sorry, but I happen to like fibrous foods.  Only it doesn't like me.  And they are not little bitty squeakers either.  Loud flappers is more like it.  And RANT?   Or is there a better word for that highly flammable brings tears to everyone's eyes clouds of obnoxious gas?  The ones my Wife gets very angry about and tells me to go outside, anywhere else, just not in the house.  Not even in the bathroom with the fan a on and a can of spray.

[Riki]

Maybe that’s why every one is wearing a surgical mask around me.  I think the only way to be offensive about this is if you ask the personnel to pull your finger.

I'm sitting in a classroom, surrounded by a few of my classmates, cramming for a test next period.  This cracked me up so badly, that I got some really odd looks