Dealing with...?

[gkcoley]

I was wondering how you cope when a freind on dialysis dies?  A friend of mine i met on dialysis at age 15 died last year at the age of 27.  Then i found out that this morning an elderly man i liked and talked to alot at my unit died.  I find i right a poem for them.  For my long time friend i wrote a poem called 'Close the Door' and for the man that passed today i wrote the following poem.  I was jsut wondering how we all approach it, because given we are in the same situation(more or less) how does it affect you from that angle?

“Hereafter”

A soldier of this life, brother in arms,
Released from the duties and free of harms.

A good man of so much love and laughter,
Is forever gone to the hereafter. 

Stand tall and spread your wings in freeing flight,
Lick the wounds, lay down arms from the long fight.

Now rest your weary head in peaceful sleep,
And leave behind this sad world that weeps.

[Joe]

Very nice

[Carlyon]

Very Nice poem and I'm so sorry for your loss.

It sucks anytime a friend dies but some deaths make us consider our own mortality a bit more than others.

All you can do is be thankful for your continued existence and pray for the strength to deal with the loss and for your friend's family.

[CebuShan]

I cry & mourn just like anybody else.
Nice poem.

[kit78]

So sweet!

[Lexxtech18]

Very nice poem, G. That's quite thoughtful of you.

I try not to get close to anyone at my unit, especially not the really older people. I more keep to myself than anything. But there has been times when I've heard that someone in my old unit died and it makes me sad to think about. But I just think that they had a long life, maybe not the best, but they lived it out.

[CebuShan]

I think the worst one for me was coming in one day and posted on the wall was a notice about someone associated with the unit dying. I kept looking at the name and the photos and it just would not connect in my brain. Finally, I realized, it wasn't one of the patients, it was one of the techs!  He was only 30! He died the day before Valentine's Day! His wife was going to tell him on Valentine's Day that she was pregnant!  He was such a sweet guy. My husband & I both went to his funeral. There were so many of us patients there.
His wife has since had the baby and brought her in to meet us. Her Daddy would have been proud.   

[Lexxtech18]

I think the worst one for me was coming in one day and posted on the wall was a notice about someone associated with the unit dying. I kept looking at the name and the photos and it just would not connect in my brain. Finally, I realized, it wasn't one of the patients, it was one of the techs!  He was only 30! He died the day before Valentine's Day! His wife was going to tell him on Valentine's Day that she was pregnant!  He was such a sweet guy. My husband & I both went to his funeral. There were so many of us patients there.
His wife has since had the baby and brought her in to meet us. Her Daddy would have been proud.   

Oh, gosh! That is so sad.  A life taken way too soon.

[Riki]

it's an unfortunate fact of life for us dialysis patients, that a lot of us will die earlier than our counterparts in regular population.  I found out tonight that a gentleman from my unit died on Thursday.  He was a nice guy, in his late 60s-early 70s.  He was a Harley enthusiast, and was well in with the bikers around, but he'd had issues with his back, so sold his Harley and bought a PT Cruiser convertible. *G*  I think that if you're with these people for 3 days a week for years, it's hard to not get to know them.  All you can really do is remember the good things about them, and hope for the best for their families.

[RichardMEL]

It can be very tough specially when you're in a unit for years with other patients(and even staff) and tey do become like a community and a second kind of family at times. I know there were quite a few patients that I was friendly with and we would notice if they weren't in for some reason or other and it was almost a relief if one of the nurses would say "oh they moved to another unit closer to home" or "they're up in the ward because they neederd something" - it's when you didn't know you really worried.

That sense of family and community can forge some strong bonds - even with people that don't always know eachother that well. For example when I was on D there was a much older man there.. i think he was 89 or 90. Something like that. A lovely old Greek fellow who spoke very little English. Often his wife would atend D with him and ask as both carer and also translator as her English was quite a deal better. Such a lovely lady she even went and helped some of the other patients(we had a lot of Greeks in our unit) - and obviously that community is very close.

We used to chat a little bit in passing and we'd always greet George or say "Gia Su"(hello/goodbye in Greek) when he came and went very friendly and everything but because of his limited English (and my even worse Greek) we never really talked much but ht eas a sweet man. He had been doing hemo for 20 years and was kind of part of the furniture,as was his very devoted wife.

Well finally it all became too much and poor George passed away and we were all so sad, even though given his age and his struggles there was a part of me that felt some relief for him that his struggle was over.

Well his lovely wife came in a few times later and gave everyone a big thank you for being so kind (nurses sent flowers to the funeral). Here's the big surprise... my tx happened maybe 3-4 months after that and one day after that I had an unexpected visitor to me in the ward - it was George's wife! She had heard about my tx and made me some shortbreads and stuff to eat. So very kind and sweet and I thought this beautiful lady, takes the time out for someone she didn't know that well to do that was wonderful. I have seen her several times since (once we were in eye clinic together) and whatnot.

That kind of thing is the kind of spirit I mean.. so when your "second family" leave it can be hard - even more so when you are close to them, spend time together - maybe even outside D, and when they pass.. it's a big loss.. but it also reminds me that anything can happen at any time to us kidney patients and to make the most of it while we can...

and to always remember people like George and his wife, Maria.

[Mr Pink]

What a lovely poem, and what a nice thought to have when losing someone. Still being relatively new to dialysis, losing someone that I have come to know who is also on dialysis is something I haven't had to deal with yet, and it's not something I'm looking forward to. I'm actually only days away from changing satellite centres, as I'll be starting the twilight shift next week, and thus getting some of my life back. Whilst I'm excited about that, I'm quietly sad about leaving my first satellite centre, where I have come to know many wonderful people. I'll be joining the footy tips competition there, just so I have an excuse to keep going back there to see them all. I'm a little surprised just how important they have become to me given the relative short amount of time I've been going there. Some of the old timers there won't last forever. I just hope they realise how special they all are. And I hope that I can find the courage to tell them that on one of my many visits I make after next week. 

[M3Riddler]

I was wondering how you cope when a freind on dialysis dies?  A friend of mine i met on dialysis at age 15 died last year at the age of 27.  Then i found out that this morning an elderly man i liked and talked to alot at my unit died.  I find i right a poem for them.  For my long time friend i wrote a poem called 'Close the Door' and for the man that passed today i wrote the following poem.  I was jsut wondering how we all approach it, because given we are in the same situation(more or less) how does it affect you from that angle?

“Hereafter”

A soldier of this life, brother in arms,
Released from the duties and free of harms.

A good man of so much love and laughter,
Is forever gone to the hereafter. 

Stand tall and spread your wings in freeing flight,
Lick the wounds, lay down arms from the long fight.

Now rest your weary head in peaceful sleep,
And leave behind this sad world that weeps.

JKColey,

So nice of you to write that...   I as well have seen people come and people go.... You get to know people and you talk to them and one day, they do not show up and you wonder what happened to them.. You eventually find out and its heart breaking...    Its even much worse when you see it before your eyes at the clinic... I have have seen this far too often...

[gkcoley]

The way my unit does it is unsettling, they put a spare dialy reclinder by the door and cover it in a black cloth then wont tell you who died when you ask casue of 'patient confidentiality'

[Lexxtech18]

The way my unit does it is unsettling, they put a spare dialy reclinder by the door and cover it in a black cloth then wont tell you who died when you ask casue of 'patient confidentiality'

That's kind of... morbid.

[lmunchkin]

Sorry for the loss of your friend, gk, its a hard pill to swallow.  You can never find the words to say to comfort a loved one.  Just remember them is all one can do.

Carlyon, I love your saying under your "Sign".  It is so true!!!!!  Reminds me of my high school days when being confronted by a bigger person wanting to fight me.  I was always scared & shaking, but I gave them all I had, I fought back.  Most I lost, but I did fight!!!

Didnt mean to get off subject, my apologizes.
Again, sorry for your loss, gk.
May the Lord bring you Peace through this difficult time,
lmunchkin

[sullidog]

The only thing I can do is give my condolences and wish I could find the family and do the same.

[geoffcamp]

Topic close to home for me. I just lost a friend last week, we have been on the same schedule together for about 5 years. He was the same age as me. I have found it increasingly depressing me and questioning if I'm doing the best thing for myself. I've been on dialysis quite some time now, around 13 years after a failed transplant and I have experienced this more times than I care to think about. I've seen a few people pass away right in the center on dialysis too. It's very very hard emotionally to deal with. Plus for me it just makes me loose hope. I feel for you and I wish I could offer good suggestions of how to cope but I too am trying to find a way to get thru this. It is very difficult to see people in your same situation pass away and being right at the same age it really scares the carp out of me!!  Good luck, maybe just sharing with others will help ease your pain. Gods speed!  G.