A Good Day???

[RichardMEL]

That's absolutely the way I feel about it - there's nothing I can do about it - so I refuse to curl up in a ball and cry "why me?" and all that - that won't help anything, so like you I go with a sense of humour and try and see the positive side of everything and make the most of it. Hard at times, but I think it's the best way to go.

So, keep it up! 

[LarryG]

As much as I say I hate it the most difficult time is when I am not in clinic and I have to anticipate going and the walk there. A six block walk at 5 in the morning and getting up at that time really can put you in an evil frame of mind . Of course who I get in the revolving door of technicians and the possibilty of an infiltration plus BP crash, left the planet for a short time last week, but being with people like us who can trully understand what we go through does have a level of comfort.

[Gandalf]

LarryG, while I accept what these posts allude to, namely that there are many perspectives, I must say that your experience really does echo some of my own - the truth is that it is really difficult to turn what is essentially a harsh and stressful experience, which is repeated three times a week, into something positive.  I agree the before-dialysis part is the worst - the drive there, and anticipating what could and probably will go wrong, and the utter painful ennui, is a desert of despair.  It keeps me awake at night in anxious anticipation!  Wish there were some way I could make your burden - and all of ours - lighter.  Wish it would just GO AWAY in some magical fashion.....

[LarryG]

It is not like I sit around waiting for disaster to happen. There are days when I feel pretty good and I show up and then disaster happens. When people tell me I need to sit back and take it not to complain and I know it is not my fault I get very angry. This doesn't mean I can't get better but I can try and make it easier on myself and be as aware as I can to insure myself good and adequate treatment.

[jbeany]

Really, I can't stand it when people tell me not to complain.  I don't do it often, so when I do, I really, really need to get it out of my system!  And I totally agree with the idea that the anticipation was the worst part.  Rolling over to the alarm long before the crack of dawn so I could get the snow shoveled off the car in 30 below wind chill was NOT my idea of a good way to start the day.   

Larry, you are more than welcome to post about how much it sucks.  Epoman, who started this site, named it I Hate Dialysis because he did, truly and completely. 

But try to remember, those of us on here who post, like Henry did, about trying to keep a positive attitude are offering a description of what has worked for them when they needed to get through the black spells.  We are hoping we can help you figure out a way to find some small spot of light to focus on.  We all worry on here about our fellow members managing to walk that thin line between being mad and disgusted with the process  - and slipping over the edge into true depression.   

[RichardMEL]

I suppose it's all down to how you approach things in a way. I could probably count on the fingers of my right hand the number of times I went into D dreading that some bad thing would happen. Most of the time I focused on wondering if nurse X would be working, or even that I couldn't wait to get settled in so I could catch up on Chuck or Fringe or something (yes it's true, I saved up TV to watch!). I tried not to worry about the what if's too much - not much I can do about it and I figure the stress of worrying about stuff I can't control wouldn't do me much good anyway. I'm not saying that those of you who dread each session for what could go bad are wrong or you shouldn't or anything like that - we're all different and I can ABSOLUTELY understand feeling that way, specially if many/most sessions are difficult. I guess, like Henry in a way, I had a pretty stable dialysis experience so the most I would expect is boredom. I guess that would be a fundamental difference.

I'm sorry for those of you that a) have difficult dialysis sessions on a regular basis and b) dread going - that would make the whole thing that much harder.

I too wish I could do something for everyone to make it better or go away.

[LarryG]

Well it is not going to go away. I know that and despite my dislike I know that and that's the problem. Doesn't matter if it is at home or in center. Part of it is being faced with your mortality and suddenly you are on disability and being chronically ill is hard to fathom. I have cried,cursed the heavens and been remorseful but more bitterly angry but believe it or not not dealt with depression. I will make it and I spend much of my energy working on getting that transplant.In five hours I get ready again to try and get through Monday to get through Friday and then start all over again. Hopefully there is a happy ending to all of this....maybe not. That's the scary part.