For me, the focus should be on how you feel (like Richard already said). Adequacy numbers are only one indicator of dialysis. There has been much debate about lab values (google "KT/v, controversy").
When you ask yourself, "Is dialysis worth it?", you are really asking, "Do I want to be alive?"
If you are depressed, being alive is a lot of work and you'll have dark days. My advice, treat the depression first, keep doing dialysis and THEN ask yourself if dialysis is worth it.
IHD is an amazing place for support and opinion. I would suggest that your speak with a professional about how you are "not the most positive person at the moment". That to me sounds like you are slipping into depression, and depression can be treated. It is VERY common in the world of CKD-5. But it is treatable.
http://www.billpeckham.com/from_the_sharp_end_of_the/2009/02/overcoming-depression.htmlDepression: A co-morbidity that can be treated
By Anna Bennett
Living with CKD5 and trying to manage day to day can be overwhelming. Our healthcare system is stressed almost to the breaking point. People need to be a partner in their own healthcare. That is almost impossible if a person is suffering from depression. In November 2008, Renal Business Today ran an article about a paper presented at ASN '08 written by Ricardo Sesso, MD and his colleagues at the Federal University of Sao Paulo in Sao Paulo Brazil Therapy Helps Dialysis Patients Overcome Depression (excerpt):
The investigators found that after three months of intervention, the group receiving cognitive-behavioral therapy (ed. CBT) had a significant improvement in depressive symptoms, cognitive function, and quality-of-life scores when compared to the control group. These differences also persisted after six months of intervention.
During this period, patients received once a month maintenance sessions. The authors concluded that cognitive-behavioral therapy—a relatively cheap, harmless and practical intervention—is an effective strategy to treat depression in patients with kidney disease. “No other randomized trial using psychological or medical intervention with drugs has shown to be effective or has been published in this regard,” said Sesso.
All too often, chronic illness overshadows other conditions that affect quality of life. Depression can be just as debilitating. Caretakers this means you too, your health is just as important as the person you love, they need you to be as healthy as possible.
Here is a reminder of the signs of major depression - keeping in mind that these are also normal reactions to being on dialysis, but when they persist, seek help - it may make life better - it certainly can't hurt.
Signs of depression from Mayoclinic.com:
Loss of interest in normal daily activities
Feeling sad or down
Feeling hopeless
Crying spells for no apparent reason
Problems sleeping
Trouble focusing or concentrating
Difficulty making decisions
Unintentional weight gain or loss
Irritability
Restlessness
Being easily annoyed
Feeling fatigued or weak
Feeling worthless
Loss of interest in sex
Thoughts of suicide or suicidal behavior
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
If your dialysis provider does not have the facilities to help you, look outside of the unit, call local mental health providers. If there are insurance or financial issues, explain your situation, and ask for a sliding scale. If you live in a remote area, you may be able to get telephone support from another area.
In these economic times, there is no stigma with depression, our economy and our world is depressed. We can't make our kidneys work again, but let's make 2009 the year that we heal what we can, and depression can be healed.