We eat out too much

[MooseMom]

I have a dilemma.  My husband has been so very supportive with all of this kidney krap, but when it comes to food, he is presenting me with a problem.  Now, the last thing I want to do is to foist my stupid pre-renal diet on him.  He loves his food.  He is an emotional eater.  And he LOVES to go out to eat.  If he is stressed, he likes to go out.  At the weekends, he likes to go out.  If he wants to celebrate, he likes to eat out.  He will never be able to lose the 40 lbs he needs to lose if he were to get into a paired exchange arrangement so that I could have a living donor (he's ABO incompatible)...we don't even discuss it anymore.  It's just not gonna happen.

All of this eating out makes me nervous about my diet.  Yes, I order rice instead of potatoes, and I order green beans instead of baked beans.  I eat only half of any meat I order (Pre-renal diets should have less protein...).  I know how to make good food choices, but I can't control how something is prepared.  I scrape off any cheese that's ladled over my food (why does everything have cheese?).  Other than these particular strategies, do any of you have any suggestions on how I can protect my health while at the same time accompanying my husband on his frequent dining excursions?   Yes, I could explain how eating out is not good for me, and I HAVE gently hinted at this, but eating out is such a genuine pleasure for my husband, and I hate depriving him of his well earned fun.  It just seems selfish and precious.  Any ideas/thoughts?  Thanks!

[RichardMEL]

Sounds like you're doing everything you can do to pick appropriate choices for you while still giving him the freedom to do his thing, and I guess he needs that "comfort food" as one outlet for him to handle the feelings he has and so on in terms of supporting you, so taking that away wouldn't be an answer.

Maybe you could try talking to your neph/dietician about this. If you're very worried about excess phos or whatever you can go on binders though you're pre-dialysis it may not be quite the issue you think it is - how are your labs?

When I was pre-D all I really had to do was go low-salt - everything else was considered OK, just in moderation.

Remember you shouldn't deny yourself enjoyment too - for where you're at all the effort may actually wind up having a minimal affect on how long you can hold off from D. I would definitely discuss this issue with your neph.

[MooseMom]

My labs are marginal, ie, my potassium can run just a bit high.  My phosphorus, when last checked, was higher than usual, but my mom had been ill in hospital and I had travelled down to Texas to be with her, and I ate out for just about every meal, and I probably didn't adhere to my diet as carefully as I usually do because I was always distracted and in a hurry.  I've been a lot more careful lately, so eating out probably is not a big issue, but it just seems like we eat out more than I think is good for us.  I guess I'll wait and see what my next set of labs say before panicking.

[Dianejt]

When you order ask the server "no Cheese, salad dressing on the side, etc". They will be happy to do this for you.

[MooseMom]

When you order ask the server "no Cheese, salad dressing on the side, etc". They will be happy to do this for you.

Yep, I do this.  You have to be so vigilant!

[natnnnat]

When you order ask the server "no Cheese, salad dressing on the side, etc". They will be happy to do this for you.

Yeah I was thinking along those lines:  all sauces on the side.

[Des]

I follow a strict diet prepared by a dietitian. Very similar to a weighless diet.(method)
You get a list of stuff you can choose from to eat at a number of portions per item per day.

so....
when we go out to eat. I plan my meal ahead and "save" stuff for that meal.
like   I know I can have 90g protein a day so I save it for that meal and don't have 30g per meal through the day. I know I have 2 veggie portions left. and so on and so on.

What I am trying to say is. Order stuff that you know you have "available" in your diet and just leave the not-allowed stuff on your plate.   

Plan ahead! it is very important.
But also keep in mind that it is not a diet but a way of life..... I have one day a week that I eat what I feel like and live with it. I diet 6 days a week only.
   

[Zach]

But also keep in mind that it is not a diet but a way of life.....
 

Excellent point!

[MooseMom]

Well, you know, I'm probably not in such a dire predicament after all after reading y'all's suggestions because I do all of these things anyway.  My dietician has actually told me that I am perhaps too hard on myself, and she is probably right.  I think it's just that CKD makes me feel so completely out of control, and diet is one area where I can exert a lot of influence, so I go overboard to compensate.  I bought a banana the other day (it has been years since I've eaten a whole banana), and just buying it was hard. I felt very naughty.   I was going to have a few slices along with berries to go on top of my cereal (rice and/or corn, no whole grain cereals!), and it took me FOUR DAYS to get through that whole banana!  My husband encourages me to have little "treats" when I am feeling down, but his idea of "treats" usually involves chocolate.  That's him projecting onto me what HE wants to eat.  No food is worth literally killing myself over.  But you see, that's part of the fundamental problem...the disparate way in which he and I view food.  He sees it as a vehicle for reward and pleasure while I am beginning to see it as a menace, as the enemy.  Both views are a bit warped and unhealthy.  I used to see food as fuel and eating as something positive I can do for my body, but now...well, eating just seems so full of danger.  I think I need to loosen up a bit in this regard.

[RichardMEL]

Yeah it's funny my primary nurse were talking about this stuff yesterday; I was concerned about my latest labs because they hadn't gone the way I wanted, but really my K, Ca and PO4 are all within the range, just not exactly where *I* want them. She pointed out that there was no need to overly worry myself that my Phos was 1.4 and not 1.2, or my Potassium is 5.2 rather than 4.8(where it used to be). In a way the dietician is right - you have to live. Do it in moderation and being thoughtful (for example at lunch I took the tomato out of the steak sandwich I had) but still enjoy some stuff. If you spend your days worrying about every little thing you eat and drink what's the point?

btw I reckon ONLY a renal patient could "feel naughty" having a banana! (well us and kinky people, but I just won't go there!!!  )

[Phil]

I think you're doing the most important thing already...ordering wisely. It's hard to not find something on any menu which won't suit a renal friendly diet. I think the main problem with eating in restaurants is the salt....which is plentiful in resturant cooked meals

[MooseMom]

Yeah, they put salt, sugar and fat in restaurant foods so that you'll start craving them and then come back for more!

[VictoriaG]

i agree. my husband and i have banned burger king, mcdonalds, etc and other fast food because the amount of sodium and other assorted crap is so high it just doesnt make sense to eat it. its not even good enough to make it worth it! one time we went out to one and looked at the nutrition tables and i was like "okay honey you can't eat anything until your next treatment" mind you i had just picked him up from one !

[carson]

My husband was the very same when we met - always eating out. He just didn't get it. He's an amazing cook too so when I would ask him to cut the salt, half the oil, no this, no that he'd get so upset and say his food would taste like crap. Eventually he learned to modify it so it's better than the restaurants!!

As a server I think you're doing the right thing by asking for "no cheese" "sauce on the side" etc. You can ask places like McD's to not salt the fries - you may have to wait a minute longer as they clean the hopper and start a new batch for you but I've been doing it for 30 yrs!

Also, chain restaurants make their foods from packages most often so there is consistency from place to place. If you go to "independents" you should have everything made fresh and can modify your food as needed. Ask for a "to go" box and then package up half your portion for the next day, or for your husband to have if you can't.

I still modify everything even though I'm on nocturnal home dialysis and don't have to watch my diet...but I love working out and want to look like I do....