Children

[15yearstolong]

Hi guys and gals,

I am from little old New Zealand and have now been on dialysis 17 coming up 18yrs (I am 28). I am unable to have children as I am on dialysis and due to complications have only 1 free floating ovary so not much use in procreation.
MY husband and I foster through Child, youth and family which is great because she is a good kid but because of dialysis our agency will not let us adopt or foster anything under 13 as I "might die" and it is "too bigger risk to the children".
I am fit and healthy and work part time and foster so nothing wrong except having to take a bit of time out to dialyse.
My husband and I are getting a little desperate as we really want kids and have considered horrible options like him going and having an affair just so we can have a baby. We are getting a little desperate and are starting to run out of options. Any thought and ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Karla 

[looneytunes]

Hi Karla.  What wonderful folks you and your husband are to foster children.  There are so many who need a loving home and too few people willing to do it. 

I don't have any ideas for you on how to get an infant but wanted to say that I think you are wonderful. 

[RightSide]

Have you considered arranging for a surrogate mother?

You can contract with a woman to be the gestational carrier of an egg supplied by you that has been fertilized with sperm supplied by your husband.  When she gives birth to the baby, you take possession.

The difficulty is legality, which varies all over the world.  In the United States, surrogacy contracts have been approved by courts.  But in Australia, the surrogate mother is considered the legal mother, meaning that she would have to give the child up for adoption in an adoption proceeding.  I don't know what the story is in New Zealand.  But it would seem that surrogacy, if it's legal where you live, would solve your problem.

[Rerun]

A perfectally normal couple can adopt a baby and something can happen to the mother.  How can they hold dialysis against you?  Seems like you could fight that.  You could adopt a baby and something can be wrong with it too.  Those are the chances you each take.  Too bad they are so blind.

Best of luck.   

[15yearstolong]

Thanks Guys / Gals.

Sadly in NZ what you give birth to is legally yours and because we aren't allowed to adopt we couldn't keep it anyway so the surrogate thing is out.

I agree I could die in a car crash before Renal failure kills me but that doesn't matter in the eyes of CYFS, the statistics is this country basically say that dialysis patients aren't meant to live long enough to bring a child to maturity.

KC

[Jean]

It must be terribly hard to want a child and not be able to, for one reason or another.But, if you cant do that, then what you are already doing is IMHO the most wonderful thing you can do for a child. Sometimes that sort of thing happens, and only God knows why.And, once you love a child, you love it, no matter who birthed it.

[RightSide]

Karla,
You didn't say if you could get a kidney transplant.
And if you did, would the authorities look more favorably on your being able to adopt then?

[MIbarra]

Karla,

My husband and I are facing the challenges of adoption as well. We have been turned down by an adoption agency because of my kidney transplant. We are now trying to adopt through the state, but they flat out told us that we would not be the first candidate for a baby because of my illness. We have decided that an older child and possibly sibling group will be okay for us. We'll miss the baby and toddler stage of parenthood, but at least we will be able to have children in our lives. We just put in the paperwork. Our next step will be to take classes through our child protection service. I hope things work out for you and your husband somehow.

[Hanify]

Hi Karla, I'm from Wellington - where are you?  I feel for you about the children thing.  Long before I had kidney failure we found out we had fertility problems and went through what you are going through.  Luckily we did manage to have one daughter Molly, who is now 12.  We also fostered through Cyfs up until when I got sick - don't get me started on them!!!  It wasn't a great experience I have to say.  What kind of dialysis do you do, and is there a chance of transplant?  Nice to have another Kiwi here - Fluffykiwi is another one (obviously).