Inara needs us. Please help!

[Des]

This is the place to get it.....

Glad I can be there for you.

hugs

[Mimi]

Amillion times we've thought of you, and a million times we've cried.
If our love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly.  In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a special place no one else can fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone,
A part of us went with you, the day that you went home.

My condolences to Inara's Family

[looneytunes]

Meghan and Leslie, I am so sorry for your loss.  My father and mother both passed away within a few months of each other in 2006.  Though it has been 3 years, it is still hard.  You will always miss her but thinking of her will get less painful as time goes by.  Soon the good memories will take the lead from the raw memory of losing her.    My heart goes out to you.

 

[willowtreewren]

Meghan,
I know your mom would want you to live a full an happy life. Hold her memory dear. Keep her close to your heart. She will live forever within YOU and your memories of her!

This sadness will pass. It will take time. But there will come a time that you will find yourself forgetting to feel the pain. Let that happen without any guilt. Let the sunlight pour back into your soul and thrive as a tribute to your wonderful mom.

The road to recovery will sometimes be rocky. When it gets too difficult to walk alone, get help. Get help here, from Leslie, your dad or grandparents or any other trusted adult. But get help. No one should have to bear any burden alone.

We care, Meghan. We send you love and support. Wrap yourself in this protective blanket of caring thoughts.

Aleta

[pamster42000]

Dear Meghan,

Your Mother is in the loving protective  hands of the Lord now, she no longer feels cold. As she was when you were growing up she will be your special guardian angel but now her presence will be felt in the gentle breeze, a twinkling star, a newborns smile and yes the rain.

On the day my daughter Sarah was born it was raining and for days after her funeral it was rainy. Maybe it was the Lord and Sarah trying to tell me as she made it safely on the day she was born she  arrived in heaven also. I just wasn't catching on so the rain continued until I understood. ( I have become symbolic since her passing, my way of coping with my loss)
That's one reason I use the motto: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Treasure the wonderful memories of your Mother. Grieve , cry ..whatever you need to do. Post here as often as you need to. This group is very supportive as they have helped me through the grief of my daughter passing away.

 Just know your Mother loved you dearly and she would want you to take care of yourself.

[monrein]

I'm hurting really bad here. 

PLEASE TELL ME ....How do I deal with losing my mother?  HOW!!!!!!!  Please??

If only it wasn't so rainy and cold at her funeral this morning!!!!!!!  God, it feels like the end of the world. 

If you knew her, I wish ya'll could have....it kills my soul to use a past tense with her......but I slept with her all the time as a special treat growing up.  we'd cuddle up and watch movies when it was it chilly and now, she's in the ground.  I'm so scared she's cold. 

But we'll be okay, I hope.  My dad and grandparents have arranged for me to see a therapist tomorrow.  I think that's best.  Sorry if this post sounds a little crazy, but I need someone to lean on and be totally honest.  I know how much she loved this site...(again with having to use the past tense....god, I hate it). 

Autopsy results should be in tomorrow morning, but I know it doesn't really matter at this point.  She's gone and there's no bring my little mother back.  If anyone's interested, I'll post it. 

Meghan

 PROUD daughter of Inara

Meaghan, we are interested in anything and everything that you want/need/feel like posting about your mother here.  I know that we were very interested in her and her struggles and that interest now reaches over to you, Leslie and to your family as well. 
I know that your pain is huge and overwhelming right now and that won't ease overnight but Meaghan, sweet girl, by posting here and also by your resolve to find a therapist to talk to you ARE dealing with losing your precious mother.  There is no HOW to deal with a great loss...no one really knows how...we all must muddle through and it isn't easy.  Please know as an absolute certainty that we care very much about YOU and that you have a community of people here always ready to lend you support and to listen carefully when and if you need to come here and talk about your struggle and your grief.  I'm so very very sad that you must face all this so young...time will help but that may feel quite impossible for you to believe right now. 
Gail

[Sluff]

Meghan,

You will always be welcome to come here and talk with us. Your Mom really did think the world of you, sometimes it is hard to understand the whys of things and in all honesty no one will ever know why. The best you can do is to live your life as your mom would have wanted, she wants the best for you and will watch over you. Your mom accomplished in her 38 years of life what some can't do in 80 years, and that is to be a wonderful mom and friend to so many and to spend her time helping others. She may be physically absent but never very from the heart of all who knew her. Please take care of yourself.

Sluff

[MissyKew]

Meghan,

My sincerest sympathies to you and your family for the loss of your Mom.  My heart hurts for you and the tears have come.  I fel for you so.  The best I can say to get through your loss is to hang onto your good memories and don't be afraid to remember them.  read her journals and her posts.  They will bring you even closer to her.  Don't curse the rain.  The rain falling was the world and God mourning the loss of a bright star, your Mom.  Always remember, while we don't like the rain all the time, it nourishes the earth and brings flowers and trees.  Just like tears bring forth wonderful memories of those we love.    Your Mom is warm and toasty in heaven.

Hugs.

[Chris]

Sorry to hear of your loss.
 I do not do well with serious writing, but I send my condolenses.

[pamster42000]

This is a poem the Pastor read to the family at my daughter's funeral. It gave comfort.

I'm Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard him call:
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I've now found peace at the end of the day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joys,
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
Look for the sunshine of tomarrow.

My life's been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seems to brief;
Don't lengthen it with undo grief.
Lift up your heart and peace to thee,
God wanted me now
He set me free!

[Poppylicious]

Meghan (and Leslie), I'm so sorry for your loss.  Treasure each and every memory that you have.  *hugs*

[Inara]

Thanks to all of you for being so kind. I've printed out all of your replies to show to my friends and family.

I'm in the process of moving in with my grandparents.  They're going to send me to college when I get out of high school.  My step-father and father are going to help, too.  My step-father is going to keep my room as it is as long as I want.  And he wants me to have all her jewelry, journals, etc.  He's a good man. 

We got the official cause of death the other day:  low potassium causing acute MI.  How could she be in the hospital and no one noticed her not eating?  That REALLY pisses me off!!!!!!!  She was just skin and bones. 

I recently found out that she had started hallucinating.  I didn't know that, but it makes a lot of sense now.  I can't even imagine what was going on in her head.  But it must have been terrible. I also just found out that something very horrible happened to her before I was born.  My grandparents will tell me about it one day.  She never said a word.  I had no idea. 

I hope to be able to help Leslie as much as possible.  She's like a second mom to me and her daughter is my best friend.  I actually know quite a bit about dialysis! 

I'm still crying a LOT.  I'm still worried she's cold.  I go back to a therapist Monday. 

Leslie says to tell everyone thanks. 


Meghan

[willowtreewren]

Dear, dear Meghan,

I'm so glad that you are seeing someone for help. Grief is hard. Just hard. And each of us experiences it differently. It helps so much to have someone who can guide us through the journey.

There will come a time that the crying trickles to a stop. But I have found that I am sometimes blind-sided by something that triggers a memory and a wall of grief hits me out of nowhere. That may happen to you, too. Ride that wave and let it wash over you.

Keep the love of you wonderful mom and her memory close to your heart.

Rely on all the family and friends that are there to help you.

And Meghan, live life to the fullest as a tribute to what your mom gave you.

As always,
Aleta

[Brianna!]

I'm very sorry Leslie and Meghan for your loss. My dad died in 2008, so I understand what you are going through Meghan. If you need to talk to me, you can email me anytime at:: cheeseylicious@yahoo.com

[monrein]

Sending you a hug today Meaghan.   

[thegrammalady]

i'm sorry for your loss. i know it can't be easy for you. i'm glad ihd can help.

[nursewratchet]

Mehgan,  I'm so sorry for you.  This will hurt forever, though not as much as today.  Each day a little less.  Some days, as Aleta says, you will be bowled over with grief, even years down the road.  My mom died 10 years ago.  I still miss her, and sometimes "forget" that she is gone, if just for a minute.  My kids were young when she died, 10,14,and 18.  I knew they wouldn't be prepared, and I had them write to her.  OVer and over.  They wrote her letters before she dies, and after her death.  We read them to her before she died, and it helped them both.  You are doing what you need to do.  Talk to people, write stuff down, (this is a great place for you to be) and jsut remember your Mom.  Don't be afraid to talk to her, laugh about her, tell stories about her.  TELL STORIES ABOUT HER... It will help a lot.    

[dwcrawford]

To Meghan and Leslie,
Nothing, nothing that can be said will  make you feel better at this point in time.  I say grieve, cry, be angry, whatever emotion you need to express.  But let me disagree with Nurse just a little.  It will not hurt forever.  The Nurse is right on about everything else. Oh yea, you will remember forever, but if your experience was for  love and appreciation for each other when she was living, if you said I love You in either actions or words (in other words, the more intense your love for each other) the more it is going to hurt now.  The more grief.  But at the same time, I will promise you (and I hope your therapist will back me up on this) that it will not hurt forever because soon all the memories  will turn into happy  memories, memories of fun, good times and whatever positive experience you had.  I believe with all my being that the degree to which and  when this happens depends upon your life relationship.  I expect it will be very soon for you when you start laughing and appreciating the times you had.

[Inara]

Dear Jesus!  The things she went though.  I'm completely floored at this point.

I'm hoping Nurse Wratchet is right.  I'd like to tell ya'll about her.

Tiny little woman.  But so beautiful.  I wish I looked more like her.  Long, dark, naturally curly hair.  A figure to die for, gorgeous face!!!!  (Odd I've chosen to use that word "die").

She was a true Southern belle. 

She gave her all to help others.  She was so sweet, so kind, so giving. 

Forgive me for venting here.....I'm just so proud of her for hanging on as long as she did.  She did it for me and Leslie. 

But at the same time, I'm very angry at her for leaving me.  Not sure where to turn.  And so sad.....I miss her so much it hurts...it hurts me physically...I never knew you could cry until your very bones hurt.  I'm okay, I'm with my grandparents. 

Meghan

[Inara]

Guess I should explain....she was hurt, very badly, shortly after she turned 18.  Two men hurt her while she was at a stoplight...they took her and did, well, I think you can fill in the blanks.  Yes, a police report was filed, but they weren't very kind to her either...acted like she was lying. 

My mother never, EVER, spoke of this incident.  She was a great mom to me and it's just so wrong that someone hurt her.  She deserved better. 

[Mizar]

I just got Home Today. I was out of Town for the last Nine Days, visiting, someone, who does not have Internet Access, so I have not been checking, the IHD site. I am Shocked and Saddened, to Read this News. May the Peace of God, be with the Family, at this time.

[MissyKew]

I am so sorry your Mom was hurt in such a way, Meghan.  It took a great deal of strength for her not to speak of it to you.  She was a very brave woman and from everything I have heard a great Mom.

[pamster42000]

I want you to know I am thinking of you. A death in the immediate family is overwhelming and it takes time for the immerse sadness to go away. You will always miss your Mother but you will always  have the memories to cherish. I still miss my daughter, Sarah and she has been in heaven for two years.I just know I will be reunited with her when it comes my time to go. She would want me to live my life now with knowing we will be see each other later.

[greco02]

I am a slow responder....I never even realized Inara died until I read a post on a different topic and it referred to Inara's death.   My dear sweet Mother passed away on Sept 24, 09.   She struggled with Altzimers.  When one of her very young Granddaughters was given the news she said "oh good, Grandma Esther has her memories back".  So that is how I think of her now.   Whole, happy, memories in tact.   I think that is how Inara must be, in that same place where the fear and pain is gone and her soul is healed. 

There is so much wonderful insight from all the usual folks here on IHD.  Time does heal (cliche, sorry).  Then I see something, or walk by the perfume counter in a store and smell her perfume and I can't get to the door fast enough.  Sometimes, just driving down the highway and I get a flash of something and I tear up.  But, those are wonderful reminders.  Your family will heal and you are clearly leaning on one another and this is a very good thing. 

My sincerest thoughts and prayers to you and your family.   

[jreeve]

Hi Inara,

I just got here, but i do hope you are well. Just read these other posts and the love and the light will come out to hold you up and carry you through. This is family love. Get better... please.
I say a little prayer for you...
Julie