Bob's Blog Saturday 6-27-09

[BobN]

Bob Here

I’ve come across conclusive scientific evidence supporting a theory that I’ve long believed to be true, and that’s that people get grumpier as they get older.

My evidence is that it’s happening to me.

Right now.

Things that used to breeze on by me without causing a flutter, now send me into orbit.

Even more of a concern, sometimes I’m irritable for no apparent reason at all, giving even more credence to the thought that it’s just the onset of Grumpy Old Man Syndrome.

I wonder whether being on dialysis might be “greasing the skids” on this unfortunate trend.

I recently had an exchange with a young member of my organization that made me think I should be locked away to prevent further human contact.

She came into my office to drop off a routine report, a frequent occurrence during a normal day.

I was reviewing a contract at the time, but when I saw her out of the corner of my eye, I barked,

“WHAT IS THAT?”

Causing her to nearly jump out of her skin.

She looked at me wide-eyed, a little scared and said sheepishly,

“It’s the Monthly Category Profitability report.”

I continued growling,

“WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THAT IN HERE NOW??”

She backed up a few steps and said, ”It’s due at noon today.”

‘SO WHAT?  WHAT TIME IS IT??”

“Umm, 11:45.”

At this point, I could tell by the look on her face that she was thinking that my landing was coming in a few feet short of the runway.

That brought me back to my senses, and I calmed down some.

She was still inching back toward the door, as if she expected me to tear off my clothes, let out a war cry, and take her as human sacrifice.

But, then I was somewhat embarrassed by my little outburst, so I just calmly said, “OK, good job getting it in on time.”

She said, “Sure thing,” and high-tailed it out of there like her butt was on fire.

Afterwards, I was thinking, ok what was that all about?

Who was that crazy person pretending to be me just now?

I did apologize to her later, but then I was wondering if my change of attitude at the end there made things better or worse.

Maybe I should have just kept on ranting.

Now, she probably thinks, not only is he a nut-job, but there might be multiple personalities at work here.

What is this, “Sybil, Part 2:  The Winged-Out Corporate Executive?”

I’ve had more and more of those instances lately, and it puts me to mind of someone very close to me in my family, who also had this gradual change take place.

My father.

Aha, you’re probably thinking, latent crankiness runs in the family, eh?

Yes, I’ve had that same thought.

My sister now actually uses my father as a weapon to control her kids.

A while ago, we were all at a family get-together, which, by the way, should be banned by some Human-Rights organization as inhumane.

My sister’s three kids were running rampant, and she was trying to get them ready to go to the beach.

Finally, she just erupted, and yelled,

“IF YOU DON’T GET YOURSELF READY, YOU’LL HAVE TO STAY HERE WITH GRANDPA INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE BEACH.”

Well, you’d have thought these kids were Military School graduates the way they shaped up and got themselves all ready to go in no time at all after that.

Hey, whatever works right?

I’ve been trying to figure how much of this phenomenon is due to aging and how much is due to dialysis, which I’m sure we can all agree, makes our behavior a little goofy now and then.

I can’t quite figure it out, even though my specialty is quantifying the unquantifiable.

Let’s call it a 50-50 split.

Anyway, the thought that aging coincided with grouchiness first struck me when we started vacationing in Florida several years back.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Florida, but the average age down there is somewhere north of my area code.

And it seems like you get more than your fair share of Grumpy Old Men and Women.

I remember one time I was in a gym that was located in the complex where we were staying.

It was really nothing fancy, just a converted room, painted a gaudy shade of bright red that could bring on a seizure.

I was just getting off an exercycle, when an older lady was coming my way in her workout clothes.

She was one of these people who you couldn’t determine her age just by looking at her.

Somewhere between 75 and 150.

Anyway, she was coming towards the cycle, but she brushed/shoved her way by me, with her hand on my chest, saying,

“Get out of my way, sonny.”

Now, I’ve always been taught to respect my elders, so I let it go, and just said, “Yes Ma’am.”

A little later, she was struggling to get some weights off the rack, so I asked if she needed any help.

She gave me a nasty look and said sharply, “I haven’t needed any help since my husband died.”

At that point an old Abbott and Costello routing came to mind, where Costello says,

“Lady, he ain’t dead…he’s hiding.”

But I managed to keep that thought to myself and just went back to my workout.

Later, I could kind of see her pre-grumpiness personality, when she tried to strike up a semi-normal conversation.

She said to me, “You know, I stay healthy by being a vegetarian.”

I couldn’t help myself.  I said, “You know what I could never figure out?  If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?”

She just looked at me, like she couldn’t quite process that one.

Later, her grumpy self came back out and she told me abruptly that they were having an aerobics class in the gym and that I would have to leave.

I was almost done anyway and was having bad visuals of what that class would look like, so I packed up and left.

Have you all had that experience of grouchiness increasing with age?

What role do you think dialysis plays in all this?

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good week of treatments.

Remember to stay active and take care.