Really pissed at my cousin

[bette1]

I just got word that my cousin is in the hospital for pancriantitis.  It is basically a disorder caused by her severe alcohol problem.  I am really worried about her because I know even with everything that has happened she won't stop drinking.  Maybe I am being judgemental, but I can't understand someone with good health killing themselves. 

She and I are the same age and I feel really bad for her husband and kids.  How can they watch her doing this to herself.  I know that my attitude is wrong, and that alcoholishm is a disease, but something in me feels that she should be trying to make herself better.

[twirl]

I do not think you are being judgemental
we understand the importance of having good health
alcoholism is a disease
but it can be stopped, maybe never curred but stopped
I do feel for her children
children know a lot more than people think
( coming from my experiences of living with an alcoholic stepfather)

[MandaMe1986]

I am so sorry to hear this. I understand what you are feeling right now. Have you tried talking her into recovery?  Its not easy, my mother went into treatment when I was young.  She has been clean for a very long time.   Its really hard to deal with.  I know she might not listen to you, but do you think she would be open to listening to someone else who has been there?  I am sure that my mother would love to coraspond wiht her via email, and if not her I am sure I could have 10 diffrent people at a moments notice.  If that would help any.  

I know to us it sounds looks like she is doing this to herself.  But at this point she has no control over her addition.  I do know what this is like I am so sorry. I feel for you. I have so many drunks in my family.  Its really hard to watch them and understand.  

 

[paul.karen]

Best of luck with this problem.

Sadly only she can make the right choice to stop doing this to herself and even worse her family.

[Sluff]

Your feelings are justified. The difference is knowledge. Most of us on this board with ESRD didn't know at the time of diagnosis that some of the types of kidney disease such as mine which is FSGS, that we could prevent or at least hold off on the failure of our kidneys by taking certain measures to protect them like watching blood pressure. However my addiction to candy as a diabetic could be considered selfish too. We all have our lives to live and we all make some choices like smoking, drinking, doing drugs, overeating, not taking proper meds etc. What makes some of us continue risky behavior like that? I can't answer that question, I am guilty of some of that behavior myself. What I really think is it comes down to self image or self esteem problems. Try to overlook her shortcomings and just show love, there is not much you can do for her if she is not willing to get help. I'm not trying to preach here just giving my opinion. 

[G-Ma]

Very good sluff...I think we are all in that boat for one reason or another....

[okarol]

Sometimes it's helpful to go to Alanon. My family has alcoholism - it's hard to cope with - but you can get help and support from others who have experience and hope to share.