Mortality

[Sunny]

G-Ma & Dkerr,
I think part of why I'm still here is to see to the raising of my son and daughter too. I'm so happy I can be here for them.

[dkerr]

Sunny - I feel the same way.  My mother died when I was 18 years old and my sister was 14.  The affect on us was profound in many ways.  I feel so greatful that its taken this long for me to start having problems.  My mother had a transplant in 1968 and died less than a year later from cancer.  I'm hoping dialysis will allow me to be here for my kids for a long time.

[jazzin11]

I think about it pretty much daily.  I lost my mother in 2004, then my health went south quickly too.  A triple bypass in Dec '07 with a near death experience, then starting Dialysis this last Sept of '08, has given me much to think about.  I actually asked my nephrologist "What if I don't do this?"   I then went home and looked at my 10 year old daughter and decided to stick around for a while.  This has been a real roller coaster ride for me...I get emotional just typing this out.   I sure hope it gets better sometime...

John (jazzin11)
Bellingham, WA

[kimcanada]

I answered no, and I had to think about my answer...

I still think I am wonderwoman, with a lumpy arm , but still...wonerwoman

[Lucinda]

I answered no, and I had to think about my answer...

I still think I am wonderwoman, with a lumpy arm , but still...wonerwoman

Good on you Kimmy.  You keep thinking exactly that way.  You are Wonderwoman!

[Wattle]

I have to answer YES but I would love to answer NO.

If anyone has the key to not thinking about it please pass it on to me. My Dad died at 41 from complications associated with dialysis and PKD.

I am what you would call a "worry wart". My own worst enemy.   

[Normie]

I think about it most of the time.  I was very healthy.  It's not fair.  I am angry also most of the time.  I thought I was at the acceptance stage but then I get mad all over again.  When I think about the oral surgeon not letting my mouth get numb enough and then blowing out my kidneys, it pisses me off.  Just a few more minutes of his time and this wouldn't have happened.

Reading stuff on this site gets me more upset (although I am glad to get real information).  Just to think about what I will have to go through is scary and makes me think about dying.

I guess I just have to be glad that Jesus died for me and when the time comes I will be ready at least that way.

I am trying to stay as healthy as possible and put off dialysis or transplant as long as possible.  Then it is up to God.

Good subject Boxman.

Normie

[Aubrey]

I hardly think about it, except for one day a few days after I had started dialysis, when I was really thirsty and couldn't imagine living indefinitely feeling like that. I don't think that was suicidal thinking; it was just the alternative to being thirsty. It wasn't pleasant, anyway. Since then I've got used to it. I don't actually feel that ill, so it's easy not to think of it as a dangerous condition to have.

[meadowlandsnj]

Maybe about 1% of the time I think about mortality.  The other 99% I just live my life, kicking deaths ass one day at a time.  It's like when I go through a hard time I dare it to get worse--I have this dialogue in which I think is this all you have?  Is this all you can do to me?  Well, F you!  Somehow it makes me feel stronger mentally and eventually I get over it.

Donna

[aharris2]

(alene writing)

As a caregiver, I find myself aware of my mortality. I hope to be around at least as long as Rolando needs me. For the longest time I had no life insurance. Now I've had to rethink that and make sure that those who need me are well taken care of should I "leave".

Also, I am now old enough that I think Harry and Thurgood are my last pets - I wouldn't want to leave them behind.

[petey]

(alene writing)

As a caregiver, I find myself aware of my mortality. I hope to be around at least as long as Rolando needs me. For the longest time I had no life insurance. Now I've had to rethink that and make sure that those who need me are well taken care of should I "leave".

Also, I am now old enough that I think Harry and Thurgood are my last pets - I wouldn't want to leave them behind.

Alene,
I, too, think about my mortality -- mostly because I worry about what will happen to Marvin if I'm gone.  That terrifies me -- the thought that he'll still need me and I won't be here.  I also think about what would happen to Hop-Sing (my four-legged baby) because no one (no, not even Marvin) would love him and care for him like I do. 

Marvin, however, never seems to think about his mortality.  He's says he's too busy enjoying life each day to worry about that.  He also says that when it's his "time," it will be his time and there's nothing he can do to change that (I think it's the Presbyterian up-bringing in him).  From the way Marvin acts, you'd never believe that he's the dialysis patient and he's the one who has come so close to death several times.