I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Humor, Pictures, Stories and Poems => Topic started by: BigSky on July 22, 2006, 04:01:40 AM
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This might be interesting.
Everyone contribute a saying. Kinda like the Jeff Foxworthy "You might be a redneck if..."
"You might be a dialysis patient if......"
You fantasize more about eating "banned" foods than you do about sex. :)
EDIT: Topic Moved to proper section - bajanne2000/Moderator
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"You might be a dialysis patient if......"
You fantasize more about eating "banned" foods than you do about sex. :)
lol I LOVE that one!!!
It is sooooo true sadly enogh :-[
okay .. I don't know if I can come up with a good one but I will try ....
You might be a dialysis patient if ... you salivate and stare at a kid carrying a "Big Gulp" from 7-11 as he walks by you on a hot summer's day.
hmm... no that sucked :( It was too much like yours :( And yours is so much better lol .. can I use that in a sig? I love it :)
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You might be a dialysis patient if you get upset when you here folks with no health problems at all, saying they are ready for death
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You might be a dialysis patient on in-centre hemo if your week has suddenly become M-W-F or T-T-S
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You might be a dialysis patient if you post in the WRONG SECTION. >:(
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You might be a dialysis patient if you post in the WRONG SECTION. >:(
Can this still be moved to off-topic?
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You might be a dialysis patient if you post in the WRONG SECTION. >:(
Sorry
Thought it somewhat related to dialysis. Any moderator or power that be please do move it if possible. Thanks
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A good place would have been the dialysis humor, stories, jokes section. LOL
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lhmm... no that sucked :( It was too much like yours :( And yours is so much better lol .. can I use that in a sig? I love it :)
No they are all good.
You might be a dialysis patient if...
You want to plant your foot in someone rear when they say. "It's just so hard to keep up and drink 8 glasses of water a day."
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You might be a dialysis patient if...Del Taco french fries are a delicacy in your house!
You might be a dialysis patient if..... your family all sits down to have a drink in a restaurant and you order a glass of ice.
You might be a dialysis patient if...your family and frineds buy you interesting things you have no use for; like an iced tea maker, or a coffee pot, or a set of 32 oz mugs.
You might be a dialysis patient if... you find yourself drooling during food commercials.
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You might be a dialysis patient if ..... .... you ask for a child size drink, sneer when ever they ask you if you would like to super size your meal, and ask for a fries alternative :P
You might be a dialysis patient if ... ...you ask for anything BUT CHOCOLATE for Easter when the family gets together.
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You might be a dialysis patient if... bedtime used to be nine olock, but now you are up most of the night with itchies, or insomnia, or are making exchanges in the middle of the night.
You might be a dialysis patient if..the word exchange has nothing to do with money or food.
You might be a dialysis patient if... you spend more time on the site: ihatedialysis.com than you do with email to family and friends.
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You might be a dialysis patient if... you spend more time on the site: ihatedialysis.com than you do with email to family and friends.
;D Classic!!
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You might be a dialysis patient, if when you see people racing down the road on a new motorcycle as a kidney donor
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You might be a dialysis patient if you know every nurse on the unit by their first name, plus doctors by their first name and even the PORTERS by their first name. But very few of the renal patients names on the unit. ::)
You might be a dialysis patient if when you are walking down a corridor in the hospital, you keep getting stopped by some nurse/doctor you can not remember, asking how are you doing. I just pretend I can remember them and say, doing OK. Not a idea who they are but they ask more questions. So you can spend ten minutes talking. With no idea who it is you are talking too. :o
You might be a dialysis patient if you get hooked up to a bloody dialysis machine ::)
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oh yeah forgot about the damned machines!
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I forgive you kitkatz forgeting about the machines, you are only on them 3 times a week. I suppose you are getting on a bit. So it's OK to get a bit forgetful >:D
Right I'm off before I get hit with that BIG STICK :'(
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Wham! Wham! Wham!
Now where did that Kevno go???
Too fast for me.
You call me old one more time you young whippersnapper, and I will tan your hide!
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You might be a dialysis patient if you get hit with kitkatz BIG STICK, and picked on by Rerun ;D
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You might be a dialysis patient if you think in kilograms instead of pounds. (only for those in the U.S.)
You might be a dialysis patient if you see anything sharp and compare it to a 15 gauge needle.
You might be a dialysis patient if you secretly hate healthy people.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
one more person asks you how you feel, you are going to actually tell them how you are feeling in exquisite detail leaving nothing out.
one more person tells you " I don't know how you do it" in that gushy voice, you are going to smack their teeth back down their throat.
people think you are strong when it is just sheer stupidity: (ie. you just don't know any better) that keeps you holding on each and every day to life.
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You might be a dialysis patient if ......
that one cold, refreshing 10oz glass of water makes you feel guilty and makes you wonder about the scale the next dialysis day.
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You might just be a dialysis patient if ...
.... at a restaurant you turn down the free water and ask for ice chips and For your meal just rice and greenbeans and turn down the free refill drink selection.
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You might be a dialysis patient if......
While on a road trip you blow past a rest stop at 70 and hear a whimper for a bathroom break from your passengers.
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You might be a dialysis patient if......
While on a road trip you blow past a rest stop at 70 and hear a whimper for a bathroom break from your passengers.
hahah ya that one is great!! :P
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YES! That one is so true.
You might be a dialysis patient....
if you can't type dailysi, dliasyis, dialysis correctly on the message board.
if you hand the passengers in your car relief tubes so they can take a potty break when you don't want to stop.
if you make more trips to the store for ice than for food.
if the pharmacist knows you by name and had your prescriptions filled before you call them in.
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YES! That one is so true.
You might be a dialysis patient....
if the pharmacist knows you be name and had your prescriptions filled before you call them in.
lol yes my pharamacist knows my name lol!! She can't fill prescriptions ahead of time however :P That one is great and sooo true nevertheless!!
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You might be a dailysis patient if you beat a teenager at snooker, and you hear the teenager say "I've just been beaten by that coffin dodger?". That happened last week >:(
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You might be a dailysis patient if you beat a teenager at snooker, and you hear the teenager say "I've just been beaten by that coffin dodger?". That happened last week >:(
Are you serious?? lol
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I think the kid called it right! >:D >:D >:D
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Playing off Kitkatz.....
You might be a dialysis patient if .........you can drive across the United States without stopping to pee.
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Playing off Kitkatz.....
You might be a dialysis patient if .........you can drive across the United States without stopping to pee.
Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off ;) I love that one! But sooo true!
You might be a dialysis patient if ... you spend hours on the computer and forget what it's like to have to say "be right back .. potty break"
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Got my own back on the younger one again beat him in the league KO, said to him "well you got beat by the coffin dodger again!" He went very quiet :-\ as his team mates laughed at him ;D I was told that he was going to wipe me off the snooker table. AS IF ::)
Thank for the sympathy KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH! Sorry meant Kath
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Katie Go Kaboom! Treading on dangerous ground, huh, Kevno????
You might be a dialysis patient if.... you are on IHD.com and Kevno gives you a hard time. TBBBBHHHHTTT!
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You might be a dialysis patient if...you are on IHD.com and get hollered at by Epoman for not using the spell check! >:D >:D
Love you Epoman. Just could not resist picking on you! ;D ;D ;D You are just so damned pickable! ;D ;D
Katherine
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you might be a dialysis patient if ... ... you get moody and overly emotional at posts on IHD and later think "why did I get upset over that puny thing??"
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You might be a dialysis patient if...you are on IHD.com and get hollered at by Epoman for not using the spell check! >:D >:D
Love you Epoman. Just could not resist picking on you! ;D ;D ;D You are just so damned pickable! ;D ;D
Katherine
Go pick your nose. :P ;)
:-*
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Picking nose and flinging boogers! ;D >:D
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eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!
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I just have to stop being such a smart ass half the time!
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Now! Now! Old Kitkatz calm down Don't want to set off your Pace Maker >:D
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I love how kitkatz is a smart ass ;D
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Oh yeah. That midnight oil burning turns me into an instant smart ass on here.
Now, Kevno, I warned you if you called me old one more time what would happen.
I will get the dialysis police to come get you for bothering old people on the net!
Katherine
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Not the DIALYSIS POLICE :'( Please just hit me with your Big Stick Kitkatz. They will make me sit in Reruns chair before see gets to the unit :( :'( You know what that means :'( :'( :'(
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*evil cackle*
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You might be a dialysis patient if you come to IHD.com, and use your keys as boxing gloves ;)
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You can say that again!
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And.....get ready to rumble!
You might be a dialysis patient if....
you are pissed at a tech or nurse or someone in the clinic at least half of the time.
you know more than your doctor does about your treatment and disease.
you can put the dialysis machine together quicker than the tech can, including wiping the chair down.
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Sorry kitkatz misread i thought you wrote "you pissed at a tech or nurse or someone in the clinic" Wondered HOW :o
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
a friend says out loud "I gotta go hang a leak" and you growl at them ;)
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Remember as a kid dreaming you were going pee and woke up with a wet bed? Well, that doesn't happen anymore!!
Right Kevino?? >:D
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
you dream you are peeing and you wake up and realize it was just a dream and you are sad because of it.
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You ARE a dialysis patient if you are reading this thread and realize you do everything that is written in this thread... thanks for the reminders guys, ;) :-\ lol
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You might be a dialysis patient if .. on a long weekend you sit by the radio listening for accident reports and hope some of the drunk drivers signed their donor card.. :-\
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You might be a dialysis patient if... You go grocery shopping and instead of a Chiquita sticker on the bananas, you see a skull and crossbones.. :o
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You might be a Dialysis patient if you are on Haemo and wish you were on PD :-\
You might be a Dialysis patient if you know your hospital number off by heart
You might be a Dialysis patient if you know the answers before the Doctor asks them :o
You might be a Dialysis patient if you tell the Doctor what drugs you need, plus what for!
I have a small infection in one of my lines. So had to tell the Doctor which antibiotics to give me for it :o Caught it very soon. So touch wood (Reruns Head >:D ;)) it should be OK.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
you fantasize about a "Big Gulp" (a L+ drink from the 7-11 convenience store).
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Yes, yes, yes! I would LOVE a Big Gulp, in fact a super sized 64 Oz Biggie Gulp would do it right about now
Excuse me drooling....Got to go get more ice. Damn!
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Yes, yes, yes! I would LOVE a Big Gulp, in fact a super sized 64 Oz Biggie Gulp would do it right about now
Excuse me drooling....Got to go get more ice. Damn!
Ya .. which reminds me ...
You might be a dialysis patient if...............
you go to the store with friends and while they are counting money you are counting on your fingers how many drinks you have had and how many left you are allowed and what size.
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You might be a dialysis patient if .... damn I can't remember what I was going to type :-\ Now what was it ::)
You might be a dialysis patient if you keep forgeting things. :'( Like my Girl Friends Birthday :-[ :( :'( :'( :'( I have been in a lot of trouble for that one. At least the dialysis forgetful thing comes in handy for that ;D If it would have worked ;) But she knows me too well for that, so my credit card is still smoking :'( :'( Will never forget it again :-[ Much cheaper a few flowers and a box of chocs ;D
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a box of chocs ;D
You might be a dialysis patient if...............
if when a guy buys you (a girl) a box of chocolates, you cry because you can't eat all of them and they are sooo tempting :P
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Like to bet ;D I usually have my fair share, No good buying a Birthday gift if I can not have some of it too :P, Unfortunately :'( because I forgot :o She bought herself a bloody expensive Dress :-X >:( I'm glad she does not look on this site ;D Me having a grumble about it ;D
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hmmm... birthdays ... birthdays are fun ;)
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
you think the words "free drink re-fills" is insulting.
you call a motorcyclist, a potential donor.
you can only remember what foods are "bad" for you.
you know more about perscription drugs then your pharmacist.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
you think the words "free drink re-fills" is insulting.
you call a motorcyclist, a potential donor.
you can only remember what foods are "bad" for you.
you know more about perscription drugs then your pharmacist.
Wow those are really good! Who says you can't understand what it is like ;) Those are good Jeff! :)
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Thank you. I try. :-*
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
you are grouchy and feel thirsty all the time and snap about every little thing and expect the world to understand
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
You look at the nutrition label of a product and wonder how the h*ll did they manage to put that much sodium in it.
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Lmao Big Sky. I agree with that statement. How in the H** can they put 1500 milligrams of sodium in a TV dinner???
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Guys it's ok to say HELL
;)
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We know it is okay to say HELL! I just like seeing the asterisks! LMAO
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You might be a dialysis patient if...the doctor says you have a drinking problem, however it does not involve alcohol in any way!
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You might be (married) to a dialysis patient if........................................
The first thing anyone says to you is, "Hi, how is Heph doing?" Followed by a 15 minute conversation in which they prove they know absolutely nothing about ESRD or dialysis and make a fool of themselves by 'trying' to be knowledgeable about it, then throw in at the end, "Oh, and how are you?" Walking off before you have time to even lie and say "OK!"
::)
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You might be (married) to a dialysis patient if........................................
The first thing anyone says to you is, "Hi, how is Heph doing?" Followed by a 15 minute conversation in which they prove they know absolutely nothing about ESRD or dialysis and make a fool of themselves by 'trying' to be knowledgeable about it, then throw in at the end, "Oh, and how are you?" Walking off before you have time to even lie and say "OK!"
::)
Been there done that a lot lately!
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You might be (married) to a dialysis patient if........................................
The first thing anyone says to you is, "Hi, how is Heph doing?" Followed by a 15 minute conversation in which they prove they know absolutely nothing about ESRD or dialysis and make a fool of themselves by 'trying' to be knowledgeable about it, then throw in at the end, "Oh, and how are you?" Walking off before you have time to even lie and say "OK!"
::)
LOL I get this too.
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You might be (married) to a dialysis patient if........................................
The first thing anyone says to you is, "Hi, how is Heph doing?" Followed by a 15 minute conversation in which they prove they know absolutely nothing about ESRD or dialysis and make a fool of themselves by 'trying' to be knowledgeable about it, then throw in at the end, "Oh, and how are you?" Walking off before you have time to even lie and say "OK!"
I am not married ( at least, not yet ) but I am already experiencing something like this.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
..... if you are in a group talking about how you used to be able to pee and what colour it was ;)
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You might be a dialysis patient if you ask for a small water at Oktoberfest.
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You might be a dialysis patient if.....
You buy prepackaged food and realize due to diet restrictions the only thing you will be eating is the cardboard box it comes in, and even then you will probably have to take an extra binder.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
..... you can be heard at a restaurant saying that you need to take your binder .. and you are not talking about some book with 3 metal rings..
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....you adjust your vacation plans around the dialysis center.
...you wake up and decide what to do based on what day it is. If it is a treatment day you will not stray toofar from home. Any other day the sky is the limit!
...you wake up and check your access first thing.
...all you want to do on vacation days is sleep in (wait a minute that happens on work days, too.).
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. . .when you wake up in the middle of the night with an itch, you lie awake mentally reviewing your meals for the last two days.
I did this last night. I couldn't figure out what I could have eaten that would be making me itchy, since I've been very good about watching my diet and taking my binder lately.
Then I got up and found out I was scratching at a couple of bug bites.
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when everything that makes you itch makes you think you have some awful symptom you never had before because of the dialysis you are on!
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
you can weigh yourself in front of 10 people without a second thought.
you'd rather sleep than anything else.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
you never type pmsl in chat forums....
(pissing myself laughing). :D
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
you never type pmsl in chat forums....
(pissing myself laughing). :D
ROFL!
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. . . when someone asks for a cold pack for a injury, you can just hold your hands on the bump.
It's "Cold Hands, Warm Heart, Bad Kidneys!" ;)
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Jbeany, go put that in the T-shirt section!
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When your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk or a whole pizza with extra cheese ;) ;)
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When your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk or a whole pizza with extra cheese ;) ;)
Actually, extra cheese pizza can be said to be bad for anyone. The fat and cholesterol alone is enough to kill a horse. :o
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When your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk or a whole pizza with extra cheese ;) ;)
Actually, extra cheese pizza can be said to be bad for anyone. The fat and cholesterol alone is enough to kill a horse. :o
How did I KNOW you would say that :P
Ok .. You might be a dialysis patient if............... when your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk with something with cheese on Whole Wheat bread :P
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When your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk or a whole pizza with extra cheese ;) ;)
Actually, extra cheese pizza can be said to be bad for anyone. The fat and cholesterol alone is enough to kill a horse. :o
How did I KNOW you would say that :P
Ok .. You might be a dialysis patient if............... when your idea of "being BAD" is having a tall glass of milk with something with cheese on Whole Wheat bread :P
Oh man, it's like you guys are ALREADY married. >:D
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Oh man, it's like you guys are ALREADY married. >:D
What can I say? Two great minds think alike. ;) :cuddle;
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I'm honestly amazed Jeff can put up with me .. especially on my "bad days" ;)
I get defensive, combative, insulting, berating, and one week of every month I turn into a bitchy monster from hell that everyone should stay away from lol (by the way that is this week so if I say anything bad or get defensive don't take it personally lol ;) :2thumbsup;)
You might be a dialysis patient if............... you find your dialysis chair the most uncomfortable thing in the world yet can't get out of it for hours .. :P
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You might be a dialysis patient if . . . you can buy those neat jeans with the button fly, because you'll never be in a hurry to get them unbuttoned!
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You have to be a dialysis patient if when you are laughing with your best friends and having a good ol' time and one of them says "I think i peed my pants" (and you get jealous) lol :P
yep yep yep yep, i am a dialysis patient allrighty :-\
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. . your first coherent thought after falling down icy steps isn't "Am I bleeding?" or "Did I break any bones?", it's "Is my access still working?"
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...you wake up every single morning and check your access first thing!
...you qualify for the Mercedes and room with a view at the local hospital.
....they are going to name a wing after you at the dialysis center, after all your medical bills paid for it after all these years!
....they know to get you a comfortable chair before you arrive at the unit for your spot.
.... staff knows your car by sight and gets things ready for you as you are coming up the stairs.
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. . your first coherent thought after falling down icy steps isn't "Am I bleeding?" or "Did I break any bones?", it's "Is my access still working?"
Looks painful, hope you are ok.
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You might be a MALE dialysis patient if......
....your toilet seat has not been lifted since the 1990s (well except to clean) ; - >
You might be a dialysis patient if....
...you get excited about a hemoglobin of 100 and then celebrate by mooching a nibble of chocolate from your spouse
...your idea of cheating involves having a high potassium food a couple of hours before your exchange knowing the machine will cover your tracks
...you secretly enjoy correcting over eager residents who are new to the dialysis unit
...you use your dialysis diet to your advantage so as to avoid foods you do not want to eat by stating, "Sorry that's not on my diet. It has too much phosphorus/potassium"
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You might be a dialysis patient if...you understand all these jokes!
I was reading them to my sister and lmao, and she didn't understand why!! :D
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...if the transplant coordinators phone number is the only phone number post it noted to your desk top at home and it is near the phone at work, too.
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You might be a dialysis patient if.....
You include the dialysis machine in the family portrait. ;D
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you might be a dialysis patient if...
instead of saving room for dessert, you save room for your binders :lol;
rolando
you have become really really adept at multiplying by 2.2 :-\
alene
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you might be a dialysis patient if...
instead of saving room for dessert, you save room for your binders :lol;
rolando
you have become really really adept at multiplying by 2.2 :-\
alene
I like those! :rofl;
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You might be a dialysis patient if................
You agree most of the things said on this site plus even think about spending a time on such a site!
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you run your weekly schedule by the dialysis schedule first, then make other appointment.
you hate to go to other medical appointments during the week.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
You do not know the actual date, you just know either it is a dialysis day or it is not a dialysis day.
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You might be a dialysis patient if you start thinking of urination as "natural UF".
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You might be a dialysis patient if life was pretty normal before, but now....
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. . . if you mark time in BD and AD - Before Dialysis and After Dialysis.
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You get a "Hello Kidney" tattoo!
:secret; ...anyone we know?
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You get a "Hello Kidney" tattoo!
:secret; ...anyone we know?
i want a 'hello kidney" t-shirt i don't do needles.
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...you plan your entire vacation around the IHD.com event taking place in Las Vegas.
...you motorcycle halfway across the U.S. to meet some crazy people you only know on line.
Love Ya Sluff!
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You might be a dialysis patient if you occasionally spend your free time browsing the medical supply aisle of your local pharmacy or medical supply and equipment websites. (I'm guilty of this)
Adam
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...you go to Walgreens to buy ice because they have the best eating ice in town. The kind that crunches instead of breaking your teeth. And you know this because you have tried all the ice in town already. AND you only buy ice, nothing else!
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You might be a transplant patient if.... you are hoping to never see a dialysis machine ever again in your life!!! ;D
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
You wish you had a Lazy-Boy with heat and massage.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
You wish you had a Lazy-Boy with heat and massage.
Hmmmm, does a Lazy-Man count?? lol, hey, what can i say, he gives good massages though :P ;) (and no comment about the heat) ::)
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...if ice is your favorite snack!
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...if sleeping is sometimes the highlight of your day and no one understands why!
...if you think phosphorus is the best meal ever!
...if you're a size 2 like me and on off treatment days (for the black girls) i feel "thick", with a big butt and hips. lol
...if you think a single drop of urine is a miricle (and you think theres hope that your kidneys will kick back in.)
...on m-w-f, or- t-t-s are considered "goin to work".
oh gosh. how many can i think of! i have like 13 years worth of jokes!
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You might be a (hemo) dialysis patient if your laptop computer has a blood stain on the top of it and you think nothing of it (Yup, I'm a hemodialysis patient, alright).
Adam
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the fact that there is blood on Adam's computer does not bother you and all you can think of is to tell him "They make Clorox wipes ya know. It will clean that right up!"
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Can I jump in here? *grins* Newbie at this but found a few things out since I started dating Keith.
Might be a dialysis patient's girlfriend..
If you think "wow! the toilet seat really does stay down" when you don't fall into it in the middle of the night!
You know he likes the lazy boy for comfort and your mind goes to the gutter with other ideas for it! :shy;
You reschedule your sleep time to match your honey's so you can be with him and not be cranky..(and I can get cranky if I don't get enough sleep!)
You take advantage of his naps to get things done while he sleeps.
You learn there are different types of ice chips!
You learn what dry weight is, how to convert to kilo's, read the food and recepie section, learn what each med is for.
You catch yourself moaning about a simple pain and realize its silly.
You time him and know exactly how many spoonfulls of ice cream you can eat right out of the container before he's done with his bath/shower..
(but the taste on your lips give you away!!!!- )
You consider not replacing your motorcycle that has seen better days cause the IHD gang is watching and waiting knowing you are a card carrying donor and on the bone marrow registry. YIKES!!!!!!!!!! :rofl;
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You see an advertisment for a counter-top ice chip machine and think, "I gotta get me one of those!"
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I have one of those machines on my counter. Target had it.
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you might be a dialysis patient if ......
you have bells constantly ringing in your head
you never use your recliner at home
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you might be a dialysis patient if......
you hussle someone by betting you won't pee before them...
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you might be a dialysis patient if you reminisce about the "good old days" when you hear someone peeing in the next stall
restroom duty makes you cry
you can't cross stitch anymore -- you can not stand to see another needle
you like your 6 ounces of water served in a frosty mug
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You might be a dialysis patient if........... Self harm is having a glass of milk and a banana :-*
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You might be a dialysis patient if........... Self harm is having a glass of milk and a banana :-*
:yahoo; :2thumbsup; :rofl; :clap;
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When you are woken up by some dumb ass kidney doctor during a nap who wants to know "how are you" ...Boxman
(this happened yesterday :rant; )
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You've considered committing suicide by eating a starfruit.
Adam
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You've considered committing suicide by eating a starfruit.
Adam
I had that exact thought........guilty.... wait wrong thread
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You've considered committing suicide by eating a starfruit.
Adam
I had that exact thought........guilty.... wait wrong thread
thats funny....true but funny....
so you mite be a dialysis patient when you walk in to the supermarket walk down each isle and go....hmmmm...nope cant have that....hmmm or that....ahhhh...that too....shit...what do i want to by i am tired of cabbage....apples.......
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You might be a dialysis patient if you gain 10-15 pounds of fluid over the weekend. . .
It happened to me in 1983 when I was first diagnosed but not on the 'renal' diet yet. Nobody told me not to eat watermelon! :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
NolaGail
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if you walk by a banana in the grocery store and say "I remember eating those!"
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you might be a dialysis patient if......
you hussle someone by betting you won't pee before them...
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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if all the topics on the recent post for Today end in your name
it happened to me this morning: all five Twirl
if you do not know what the :bump; smiley face means but you use it anyway
if you show your :sir ken; way too much
if you are waiting for a birth annonce from :kickstart; and :sluff;
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You may be a dialysis patient if you can't understand people who think a fistula thrill is gross while you think it's one of the most thrilling, reassuring things on the planet.
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:o
if you measure your spit can and count it as fluid loss
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:oops; correction you might be a redneck dialysis patient if you measure your spit can in ounces and count it as fluid loss
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Holy Hannah Twirl you gave me a start there. I thought does she really dip?
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oh no, no, no,no, never
I am referring to a post Flip made on the redneck dailysis thread about being allowed a spit cup.
I placed this on the wrong thread.
reminds me- we had a new teacher from up north and she found an old referral on a male student - he was dipping in class -
she thought he was dancing in class
dipping is chewing snuff and spitting it out in a cup, bottle, jar, sidewalk, someone's shoes
:puke;
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if your neck is slit
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. . . when someone asks you for the best place in town to get smoothies, you haven't got a clue who even serves them. Drink menu? Why would I read that?
Kind of like asking a long time AA member to suggest a good place for a nice bottle of wine. . . . ;D
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You have a strong opinion of the flavor of ice.
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if ice is the dessert of the month------every month
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you do tequila shots with lemon and no salt
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you do tequila shots with lemon and no salt
no salt :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
do your jello shots with the dry mix and a couple of drops of booze
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if you are looking forward to IKE
thinking===== good no electricity for a week and I will sweat and I can have more fluids
YES
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Don't worry, Twirl. Ike will cause no harm. After all, he's a Republican hurricane.
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Don't worry, Twirl. Ike will cause no harm. After all, he's a Republican hurricane.
well, that makes me feel alot better :thumbup;
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I was a mere baby at the time but I still remember the campaign slogan.....We Like Ike
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When someone asks you your weight, you ask them "What day of the week, and what time of day?"
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you have before and after photos
before D weight and after D weight
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Don't worry, Twirl. Ike will cause no harm. After all, he's a Republican hurricane.
Nope, Ike is coming to rid us of the Military industrial complex he warned us about.
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When your hand cramps it looks like you are throwing up gang signs. . . . . .
When your calf cramps you don't say "oww" you say "look at that definition". . . . . .
When your Dialysis Center has Fantasy Football based on Phos someone brings in ice cream for the other teams. . . . . .(true story)
When someone mentions the "thrill" of life you ask "graft" or "fistula". . . .
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When your hand cramps it looks like you are throwing up gang signs. . . . . .
When your calf cramps you don't say "oww" you say "look at that definition". . . . . .
When your Dialysis Center has Fantasy Football based on Phos someone brings in ice cream for the other teams. . . . . .(true story)
When someone mentions the "thrill" of life you ask "graft" or "fistula". . . .
good ones :bow;
oh my gosh, I think bingo is dumb but fantasy football------hahahaha Flip does ice cream come with your fantasy football if so, sign me up
EDITED: Fixed quote tag error - okarol/admin
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you might be (a member of the family of) a dialysis patient if
Saturday night bedtime is 6:30 pm so that you can go to Church on Sunday at 9am
EE's dialysis is 14 hours a night, every night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
No amount of sleep is ever enough... but you can't sleep! :banghead;
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I am having that very problem today
I called my husband and said I have done nothing today
but you will have a big stuffed baked potato tonight
stores out of sour cream so I got onion dip :flower;
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
1. if you love ice.
2. if you enjoy sticking yourself with sharp things
Edited: Fixed quote tag error - okarol/admin
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you give names to the roaches
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OH MY GOD! I saw a roach in my new center the other night. I was freaking out! The nurse tried to get it, but it disappeared. I warned them if I saw it again I would levitate out of there.
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there was a roach crawling on the floor
a nurse saw it and stepped on it
and I threw up
roaches make me sick
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that's also in my lawsuit
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that's also in my lawsuit
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: go Flipbob
someone stepped on your roach :o ???
EDITED: Fixed smiley tag error-kitkatz,moderator
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this could go under redneck dialysis patient
during IKE I had to tape my arm with duct tape
it was dark and 4:30 am and no electricity and that is all I could find
another thing that could be redneck or regular
I took snacks from the MRE
there were 2 one ounce packages of Shock-it chocolate covered coffee beans
wow--------- it was hard to stay in that chair and they were good :yahoo;
never heard of them before
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When your friends talk about dialysis from the previous nights tv show you have to point out the numerous misconceptions that appeared in the show.
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you give names to the roaches
He was something, wasn't he?
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yes he was
and he will never be replaced
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You might be a dialysis patient if you know someone very well, yet you have never met their family or been to their home, but you know everything about them because you see each other 3 times a week. These friendships can be very intimate, but may be short too.
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You might be a dialysis patient if your friend on IHD.com are very real to you and you talk about them with other people like you have met them and know them,.
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:rofl; So, so true KK, especially when you refer to them by their IHD names and people think you now have dementia on top of ESRD. :rofl;
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but Kitkatz
YOU ARE REAL AND I DO TALK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME----- YOU GIVE ME SO MUCH TO WORK WITH :waving;
AND I DO CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOU ARE REAL---- AREN'T YOU------ AND WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHERE I BOUGHT THAT CUTE SHARK GAME ----- WHAT SHOULD I SAY -- MY IMAGINARY FRIEND SENT IT TO ME---- AREN'T YOU REAL AND DON'T YOU CARRY A BIG STICK ----NEXT, YOU WILL TELL ME THERE WAS NO FLIPBOB --- A PERSON I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER AND KNOW ---- SO WHAT HAVE YOU SAID ABOUT ME TO YOUR FRIENDS :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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What have I said about Twirl? Wouldn't you like to know? :rofl;
I am the invisible friend from California. Just wait till Mrs. Invisible show sup in Conroe Texas on your doorstep one day for food and fun!
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there will be food and fun and horses and guns and snakes and cowboys
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No snakes! Keep the snakes away!
You might be a long term dialysis patient if you walk by a spider in the dialysis unit turn to the nurse and calmly say, there is a spider over there! instead of freaking out.
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or you think
what the hell is that spider doing here and he is not on dialysis
there are a million other places to hang out
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You might be a dialysis patient if .......
your son puts his hear on your fistula and say kool sound weird!!!!!
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If you have the Medicare help line programmed into your phone.
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if you have three dialysis center numbers in the cell phone: One is for the front office, one for the back nurse area, one for the dietitian and social worker.
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if you have three dialysis center numbers in the cell phone: One is for the front office, one for the back nurse area, one for the dietitian and social worker.
Count me in. One for the main centre, one for the home centre, and one for the on-call nurse.
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if you check IHD before checking your emails
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You just might be a dialysis patientif.......................................
half your clothes have blood stains on them
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You just might be a dialysis patientif.......................................
half your clothes have blood stains on them
oh, that is so true
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if you are in a tired bad mood during the day and here we go again off to dialysis.
if the beeping noises the machines make drive you completely crazy especially when they go for fifteen minutes at a time!
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if your pitchin' the penny in the well wish is to be able to pee again
if you weigh six times a week
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You might be a dialysis patient if you hate MEDICARE, the only agency that pays for anything!
:Kit n Stik;
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You might be a dialysis patient if you are bumping up this thread so others can read it, too. :bump;
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You might be a dialysis patient if
Your nurses ask you how you are losing so much weight and want to know what the trick is so they can try it and you say : the renal diet, at which point the glimmer in their eyes dulls as they know they will not try it.
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The big needles do not bother you, but when they come at you with a little needle you whimper and cry.
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It smells normal as you no longer notice the "smell" of the unit as when you first started. :(
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It smells normal as you no longer notice the "smell" of the unit as when you first started. :(
that is so true
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you know your a dialysis patient when you would rip someones arm off for ice
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you might be dialysis patient if...you don't want to go out with your friends anymore, because they drink too much.....water!
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You might be a dialysis patient...
when you leave the room where someone is eating lunch because they have a gallon jug of water sitting in front of them and are drinking it. SLURP!
You start the day with IHD.com and end the day with IHD.com!
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You start the day with IHD.com and end the day with IHD.com!
...and when you wake up at 2Am, 4AM... and check IHD
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You might be a dialysis patient if.......
you consume thousands of milligrams of calcium supplements daily.
you get weird looks leaving the supermarket with a trolley full of bleach and paper towel.
your recycling bin is full of cardboard boxes and plastic packaging instead of empty beer cans.
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You might be the mom of a dialysis patient if...... all your clothes have either bleach stains or blood stains on them.
You might be the mom of a dialysis patient if.... you know your child's daily weight.... in kilos.
You might be the mom of a dialysis patient if..... you jump anytime the phone rings.
You might be the mom of a dialysis patient if.... your child throws up and you catch every single drop.
You might be the mom of a dialysis patient if.... you cheer because your child only threw up 3 times that day.
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After a dialysis treatment you find yourself trying to unlock someone else's car :urcrazy;
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You might be a dialysis patient if
Anytime you decide to buy that unfriendly renal food at the store, you run into a nurse or dietitian from the dialysis unit.
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You might be a dialysis care giver if:
you empty the regular trash and double bag the container out of habit.
you can set up the saline blocks with your eyes closed.
you spend more on soap and germ-x than make-up.
you think the sound of the dialysis machine is reassuring.
you can talk about a good stick and it has nothing to do with sex.
you talk about feeling a thrill and it has nothing to do with sex.
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You might be a dialysis care giver if:
you empty the regular trash and double bag the container out of habit.
you can set up the saline blocks with your eyes closed.
you spend more on soap and germ-x than make-up.
you think the sound of the dialysis machine is reassuring.
you can talk about a good stick and it has nothing to do with sex.
you talk about feeling a thrill and it has nothing to do with sex.
So true on the sound of the machine being reassuring! It took us all a while to sleep without it, LOL!
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You might be a dialysis patient if you.......
decide your family's takeout night based around which restaurant has the best ice chips
your wee has no colour
you can't goto the bathroom after anyone else.... man it smells
you have to ring your local counil to get a larger garbage bin
you never have to worry about finding enough boxes to move house
you wish you could measure sweat...
you keep a jumper next to your bed to block the light from the cycler
you :clap; when they tell you you have MRSA becuase you know it means you'll get a private room in hospital :yahoo;
you never eat breakfast... you're full after taking your morning meds
you blow your daily fluid balance taking your morning meds
you can keep kids entertained for hours with your fistula and a stethescope(mummy, that lady has bees in her arms!).
you goto sleep at night and you have to make sure your fistula arm isn't on your head pillow or the thumping reverberates off the downe stuffing (or is that just me? if i rest it on the downe duvet I can hear it without even trying).
man i can think of heaps more.....
oh one more......
you share a 'coke' with your husband at macca's and all you want is the ice!
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You might be a dialysis patient if the sound of urine hitting porcelain is the sweetest sound you know ;D
You might be a dialysis patient if you send up a thank you prayer every time you pee.
You might be a dialysis patient if waitresses hate you because of your never ending list of special requests.
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Lori :clap;
oh i have one more, it's what my life is revolving around right now....
you might be a dialysis patient if..... you put your wedding off by 6 months so that you'll be on heamo by then and wont have a preggy pd belly walking down the isle!
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Lori :clap;
oh i have one more, it's what my life is revolving around right now....
you might be a dialysis patient if..... you put your wedding off by 6 months so that you'll be on heamo by then and wont have a preggy pd belly walking down the isle!
Haha Jenny! I don't blame you one bit. I bet you were a beautiful bride :)
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thanks Lori,
we're not officially married yet.... next year now. It was set for July but we moved it. Now i'm going to have to wear gloves down the isle to hide my fistula... oh well. better than looking pregnant!
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You might be a dialysis patient if anytime you buy a big ticket item you make arrangements for your payments after your death.
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You might be a dialysis patient if the nurse asks "Where do you want me to stick this needle?" and means it.
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You might be a dialysis patient if four hours seems like an eternity....
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What a great thread this is, I read every single page. Thanks so much you guys.
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if you are planning your days around when dialysis times are.
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if you get a bill from the "on call" doctor who merely did a drive by walk by and merely looked in your direction.
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You might have been a dialysis patient...
...if you pull your credit report and see that Dialysis in 1999 is killing your Credit
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You might be a dialysis patient, if you tend to think of the time before dialysis as "My other life".
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You might be a dialysis patient (or pre-dialysis patient) if...
You choose to eat marshmallows instead of an orange... and can feel good about it. :rofl;
You count calories up instead of down.
Sprite is better for you than milk.
You watch a Lipitor commercial and say "Hey I'm on that!" as a teenager.
You carry a trash bag around Wal-Mart in case you throw up... and if you do, you act like nothing happened.
You know the phone numbers of twenty different medical offices.
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You might be a dialysis patient if......
You have dreams about your dialysis clinic.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...if a "girly night out" really means having a laugh with your nurses at the dialysis unit.
...You are out with friends, you have the least to drink but you are still the most inresponsible and naughty.
...you feel like punching your lunch buddies when they sit down with a bacon sandwich and then boast about how salty and good their lunch tastes, then downs a litre of water just to top it off. (just happened today)
...a bottle of freezing cold water and a salty, fatty meal followed by a pee would be the best gift god could give (apart from a cure for CKD or a new kidney)
Jenny
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
you don't need bug spray (the bugs stay away because they're afraid of being poisoned by your blood!) :rofl;
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
you can't help but chuckle inside every time you hear someone mentions "cramping my style" or "XXX is starting to piss me off" in their conversations.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
you can't help but chuckle inside every time you hear someone mentions "cramping my style" or "XXX is starting to piss me off" in their conversations.
Those are great!
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
you are feeling down and you feel like drowning out your sorrows by having a drink ................................. of water
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You might be a dialysis patient (or pre-dialysis patient) if...
You carry a trash bag around Wal-Mart in case you throw up... and if you do, you act like nothing happened.
:rofl;
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You might be a dialysis patient if you know not only how to spell potassium and phosphorus but also know that their chemical symbols are K and P respectively.
You may be a dialysis patient if you seriously consider divorce when your spouse refuses to get a flu shot because he "hates needles."
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you might be a dialysis patient if you want to punch the guy in line at the grocery store for whining that he's sooooo tired from getting up at 7:30 am and going to the store.When you've been up since 4 am and had a treatment already.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
you start skipping dialysis treatments ........................................ in your dreams (just happened last night)
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You might be a dialysis patient if you have become a conissuer of ice chips. I like the small hard onces you get from frozen bags of ice at the convience store. I hate the crush stuff that is slushy. I find crunching ice very satisfying.
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your surgeon walks into your hosipital room and tells you to change your attitude! He thought I was not taking things seriously enough and needed a more positive attitude towards things.
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
You graft surgery arm looks like a shark bite :oops;
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You might be a dialysis patient if...............
You graft surgery arm looks like a shark bite :oops;
and you have proof with pictures.
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you know that you dont have factor 5 and you actually know what factor five is!! (=hypercoagulation factor)
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you are not the pisser you used to be but you have a thrill that you did not use to have - :rofl;
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you are not the pisser you used to be but you have a thrill that you did not use to have - :rofl;
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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You might be a dialysis patient if....
You do a happy dance when you feel like you have to pee, then realize it was just an urge, u become depressed.
You constantly have to explain why you cant drink or eat that to people around you.
Your son asks you whats growing in ur arm, and why it makes that funny noise when hes laying in ur arms.
You want to punch people who offer you food u cant have
sneeze in drive thru after a treatment, and have to clean up blood.
You can sleep thru loud beeps, sitting up with needles in ur arm
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You might be a dialysis patient...
when in the hospital you are correcting your menu for the dietitian who has the wrong diet on her computer for you.
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You might be a dialysis patient if ...
you want to take a crow bar to treatment so you can use it to pry information from your doctor.
You might be a dialysis patient if ...
your doctor comes by, and you don't recognize than because it has been so long since you have seen them
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You might be a dialysis patient if...
You sleep with a bunch of strangers (LOL nocturnal, of course!) :rofl;