I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: st789 on May 11, 2007, 06:18:37 AM
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Dialyis just takes a toll on your body, low energy, feel cold, nausea, do not want to talk a lot, mental confusing. Thus one just want to rest or sleep a lot of time. Gradually do our personality become mellow compare to others or it is because of silent depression?
EDITED: Moved post to proper thread - Goofynina/Admin.
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It's been opposite for me. When I was well and working, I was told over and over that one of my best attributes was that I was completely unflappable. Everything just rolled off me.
Now I am VERY easily annoyed, even at things I likely wouldn't notice before, and have no problem letting the person annoying me know it. :-[
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I'm with Chicken Little on this one. I'm NOT getting mellower. I'm not getting quieter, either. I am learning to be my own best advocate!
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Way to go for being fighters. Adocate.....Yes
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I agree, I have become more assertive, and less tolerant of people wasting my time and energy.
I've always been blunt, and have noticed I am nicer about that too. So it's going both ways.
I am mellowing out, but I'm not putting up with anyone's timewasters either.
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When i was on hemo, i was depressed beyond belief, almost to the point of suicidal, then i found this site things started looking up, then i started PD and i felt almost normal (whatever normal is supposed to feel like) :P . I dont know what is going to happen if and when i have to go back to hemo, *shivers at the thought* I just know one thing, i thank God for Epoman creating IHD, that's for damn sure ;)
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just the same old cantankerous bastard i always was.
losing the memory a bit,gone deaf,going blind
woo hoo i got it all :2thumbsup; :2thumbsup; :thumbup;
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I really do not know what is normal anymore ever since the day I was diagnosed with kidney disease. Transplant gave me back somewhat of simi-normal before dialysis. But I am glad to still be here and share my thoughts with you guys. Thanks Epoman for setting up this site. Many thanks................
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I think it has made my Jack more sensitive. He is more emotional, and probably more in touch with his feelings-which is a good thing ;D
but-the day he goes to dialysis he is cranky beforehand....he hates waiting for it to be time to go there.
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having a disabled child, i've always been a "squeaky wheel". only way to get anything done. now with dialysis i'm a bitchy squeaky wheel and i make no apologies. especially at 5:30 in the morning. IF YOU DON'T DO IT MY WAY, YOU DON'T DO IT AT ALL!!!!!
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I have thought about this for some time. I don't think my personality changed much. I am still the loving compassionate person i always was. I try and make lite of the situation. I talk to many of the other patients at my center. At first they are angry and in denial. I think we all are. Your body seems to get used to the physical effects of dialysis but your mind can sometimes take longer. We have to take control of our lives. We can't let this madness change us. I can't take my anger out on anybody. I am ever so thankful for this site and the help i have received from my new found family.
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Dialysis has definately not made Heph mellow or quiet!
When he feels good he feels very, very good! He talks from the minute he wakes up, to the minute I put him to sleep, i mean the minute he FALLS asleep. ;) He dances and sings and hums and whistles and is generally unstoppable.
When he feels bad he is rotten. He whinges and complains, is demanding and rude, snappy and angry.
And I love him so, so much, no matter what he is like. How could I not love this guy???????????
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Well its been a year for me, I cant say my personality has changed much. I do think im more mature and look at things from a different angle, but thats probably a necessity to anyone during ESRD. Time may change but so far it all about taking 1 step ahead of another and whatever you do, dont dwell on the worst. That will sap your spirit faster than the disease will.
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I do not have much patience with adults anymore since the last few year son dilaysis. I figure with evertthing I do and put up with, a regular person can get it together and do their job properly, especially when I can do my job! So that has changed in my attiude since I began dialysis.
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Cool pic there H-L-L
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I haven't changed any since I was on dialysis. I even checked with my daughter (my severest critic) and she said my personality hadn't changed any.
But then, dialysis has not changed my day to day living very much, except for diet restrictions. The time I spend on dialysis is the time I would have spent in school.
The other change is the travel restrictions, but that is not something that would affect me on a daily basis.
I am just the same old loveable or unloveable me (according to who is doing the assessment!)!
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I haven't changed any since I was on dialysis. I even checked with my daughter (my severest critic) and she said my personality hadn't changed any.
But then, dialysis has not changed my day to day living very much, except for diet restrictions. The time I spend on dialysis is the time I would have spent in school.
The other change is the travel restrictions, but that is not something that would affect me on a daily basis.
I am just the same old loveable or unloveable me (according to who is doing the assessment!)!
Loveable, definetly loveable ;) :cuddle;
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I was only 19 when I started Dialysis, so I think it formed my personality more so that changed it. It has made me stronger and more determined to do the things that I want to do. It has made me appreciate things more. I always try to see the silver lining in every situation.
It has definitely not been easy.
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About the biggest change I've noticed in my life, since becoming dialysis-dependant, is that my wife and I no longer have 'play'-friends. The few friends we have left are those who are honest and real about our frienships. So, overall, I'd say that my condition has been a blessing in this regard, and has made me more 'authentic' than I was before.
As for my personality, I'm still an asshole. I think.
;D
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As for my personality, I'm still an asshole. I think.
you're too funny!!! (and you seem nice) ;D
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About the biggest change I've noticed in my life, since becoming dialysis-dependant, is that my wife and I no longer have 'play'-friends. The few friends we have left are those who are honest and real about our frienships. So, overall, I'd say that my condition has been a blessing in this regard, and has made me more 'authentic' than I was before.
As for my personality, I'm still an asshole. I think.
;D
I did lose all my drinking and carousing friends, the ones I hung out with and got loaded with, the ones who I played pool with until 4 AM in Newark, NJ, the ones I went down to Seaside Heights, NJ with and we stayed out down there until sunrise.
I have my memories, I guess. I did have a lot of fun and I did do a lot of things, I guess. Now my life is quiet and dull. Who knows, I might have ended up in rehab or something if not for kidney failure. :urcrazy; ;D ;D ;D
Donna
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I became alot more mellow since i started. i had to learn to laugh at all kinds of things or depression would drive me nuts.
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:grouphug; :wine; :banghead;
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I became alot more mellow since i started. i had to learn to laugh at all kinds of things or depression would drive me nuts.
I am sure there are so many of us in that exact same boat my friend, glad you learned how to laugh again, KEEP ON LAUGHING MY FRIEND...... :yahoo;
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Its suprising to read how many of us 'lost' friends when we got ill ! It seems to make us pretty isolated as well! But as long as my dogs still love me , i dont really care ! People make me crabby , dogs make me lovable ! :2thumbsup;
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I've been dealing with ESRD my whole life, so like someone else said, it more formed my personality than changed it. However, each time I have a transplant fail and I go back on dialysis, I'm a little older and a little wiser, so I learn a little bit more about it and myself (look out next time, I'll know everything there is to know about it!!). When it comes to advocating for myself and anything to do with my health, I definitely have become more outspoken through the years. If I don't feel up to doing something because of the ESRD, I'll let people know it - mostly because I want them to know what an inconvenience it is and consider maybe signing their organ donor card. When it comes to other people, I've become a lot more tolerant. Since I have a lot wrong with me, but I don't look sick, I usually try to think maybe they're in the same boat.
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I fully understand the losing friends thing. When I was no longer able to go out drinking etc, they seemed to drop off pretty quickly. I alienated a lot of people by getting angry with them for not finding the time to visit me on dialysis, and telling them so.
The few friends I still have are becoming more and more like email acquaintences now. I get an email from them every now and then saying "it's been too long", I think "Then pick up the freaking phone and invite me back into your life", and nothing ever happens.
As far as personality chages in the 13 or so years since I first got sick: I certainly suffer fools a lot less. I just can't handle someone whining about their headcold, or their sore foot or whatever. My wife keeps telling me that it's still the biggest thing going on in their lives, so I should be sympathetic, but it's just so hard to give a damn about someones cold when you're on your way to dialysis.
:rant;
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I have become mellow but most of that is due to age. At 51 i can look back and see the many mistakes i have made. Kidney disease is like a time bomb with me. I knew that someday i would be on dialysis and even go through a kidney transplant. I think once you except it you are able move on. I guess the word i want is compliant. All of my friends are in Nashville. Moving back home to Pennsylvania where my family is has helped me. Donna, I still go to Seaisle city and Ocean city NJ every year on my birthday and have fond memories of when i was well.
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i've had a bunch of friends sort of fade off on me, then there were some i just didnt have the patience for after i started dialysis. then again i dont do very much, i dont party anymore i dont jam with a band anymore. My idea of a good time is going to a movie or browsing in a bookstore that and reading.
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What can friends or family members actually understand what we go through with dialysis. They are all busy discuss about the newest cars and too materialistic. This is not to be mean spirit. Just wait until, if they have misfortune of hooking to the machine or called dialysis. Yes, I sometime do feel isolated except when I am here with all of you. Sometimes I don't bother communicate with people who I think are clueless and have no
sympathy for others in difficult situations.
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What can friends or family members actually understand what we go through with dialysis. They are all busy discuss about the newest cars and too materialistic. This is not to be mean spirit.
Not everyone... my family is great... very supportive and caring and helpful...I did not want my family in the dialysis center with me.... I don't think people should unless they are very young children or something.
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What can friends or family members actually understand what we go through with dialysis. They are all busy discuss about the newest cars and too materialistic.
Much too often it seems. Less is more in my opinion, materialistically.
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Ever feel all alone in a crowded room? That is how dialysis makes me feel.
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Amen Kilkatz!!!,
I am not on dialysis yet, but that is how living with chronic illness has felt for me. As my diseases progressed I have watched my friends and family fade like exits on a long, long highway. Now I am just lost on a dusty country road all by myself. It is very lonely and I feel so much anger towards my family I can't even begin to think what it will be like when no one comes to see me in the hospital after a transplant. I take that back I spent my whole 20's in and out of the hospital. The only tome my Mom flew out to see me was when my doctor called my next of kin because I was in I.C.U. with a temp of 106.5 degrees. The docs jacked my up with solu-medrol (100mg three times a day!) and even when I got out of hospital I was overmedicated and I ended up gaining 100lbs! I remember the feeling of my skin ripping from the rapid weight gain. I was 21 and had just started a new college and had (key word had) a bunch of friends. None came and saw me and after I came back to school and gained more and more weight from the meds they all vaporized. Since that time in 1991 it has been a downhill experience with making and keeping friends ever since. I look normal and surprisingly healthy. No one can comprehend how sick I am. It is frustrating and very lonely. :banghead;
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Lulu, do you see what is happening, your friends and family are fading but you still have US :) :bandance; We'll never leave you, Did you see Tubes avatar when it said "I love my Computer, all my friends are in it" That is how i feel exactly. I would much rather stay at home, jump on the pc and read how all your days are going than to go somewhere that i know no one will even think twice about my illness. This site makes me happy and it has been my Godsend, all of you have been MY main source of support and you all have given me soooo many reasons to smile and laugh again, you all know how i feel, what i feel, why i feel and words cannot express how much i appreciate all of you. XOXOXOXOXOX to all and great big Goofynina Hugs :cuddle; Hang in there Lulu, come often and things will start getting better for you, i know it will :2thumbsup;
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I just wish my computer could give me a hug, hold me when I cry and help me when I don't have the strength to help myself. Don't get me wrong I am a very tough person. I don't know why, but my emotions just flow when I type and talk with everyone here at IHD. My husband is very supportive, it is a big load to carry and I do my best to manage it all. I just wish my Mom and Brother would be more involved. I have begged and pleaded and I am done doing that. I guess I am just mourning the loss of them. It almost feels like they are dead to me. I can't keep just talking about the weather with them and listening to my mom go on and on about her cats and how there getting old. She actually told me one her cats had kidney disease!!! All I could think is what about me Mom? What about me? I have cats too. I am just rambling. It feels really good to be understood and know all you guys and girls are there. I just wish when it came down to brass tax that my Mom and Brother would actually give a sh*t about me. I think I could die tomorrow and they would not notice for at least 6-8 months until they made their semi-annual phone call. It is a sad feeling. As soon as any new friend finds out I don't work and have multiple illnesses they shy away. I guess I just have to find a way to get over it, all of it.
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Sorry goofynina, I forgot to say thank you. Please forgive my very poor manners. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
:thx;
Lulu
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:cuddle; :cuddle; LULU :cuddle; :cuddle;
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Hi Lulu, I am in the same boat as far as m knoy relationship with my Mom. She rarely mentions how are you doing physically or medications wise. Friends have no clues of how sick I was.
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Hi Lulu, I am in the same boat as far as m knoy relationship with my Mom. She rarely mentions how are you doing physically or medications wise. Friends have no clues of how sick I was.
Hi st,
I recall that you first joined IHD you mentioned that you were pretty low key about your disease because you didn't want it to limit your education and work options. I think maybe you did a REAL good job and perhaps family and friends did not see how hard it was for you. And I think sometimes those around us don't want to see, it hurts to see a loved one struggle, so we only see what we want. Jenna and I had the opposite experience, I wanted to know everything, explore every treatment and understand every detail, and she would have preferred to detach from it all and hope somehow it was just going to go away.
Now you've got a transplant and rather than learn all about it, maybe your mom thinks you're cured. That's why it's good we have each other here - a community of people who get it!
Next time some of us So. Cal. people meet you should join us!
Take care,
Karol
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Hi Lulu, I am in the same boat as far as m knoy relationship with my Mom. She rarely mentions how are you doing physically or medications wise. Friends have no clues of how sick I was.
Jenna and I had the opposite experience, I wanted to know everything, explore every treatment and understand every detail, and she would have preferred to detach from it all and hope somehow it was just going to go away.
Next time some of us So. Cal. people meet you should join us!
Take care,
Karol
st - Sorry to hear your Mom is so similar. It is so painful to have family basically turn a cold shoulder merely to protect their own feelings. I am still pondering if I should try one more time to get through to my Mom. I just can't handle having it all washed over and the subject changed to the fricking weather!!
Karol - I would pay milions, bazillions, katrillions of dollars to have a Mom like you. Your daughter is sooooo lucky and blessed. Maybe you can suggest a way I can get through to my Mom?
EDITED: Fixed quote tag - okarol/moderator
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Lulu,
I wish I had an answer. My mom is actually more like yours and St's - I wish it were different - she was never really emotionally available to me. I still have a relationship with her, but my expectations are low. Our relationship is not the one I want, but I finally realized she just doesn't have much to give. I have some friends who are really strong caring women, and I go to them when I need support or advice - my friend Barbara told me "Friends are the family we give ourselves." Sometimes it's better to count on people who want to be there, and not try to change those people who don't. I know that probably doesn't help, but when you have your own kids, it gives you the chance to be the kind of mom that you dreamed of - which is really great fun!
:cuddle;