I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: BobN on September 06, 2014, 02:16:38 AM
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Bob Here.
I've often wondered why dialysis patients don't get invited to more parties.
Then I thought, well maybe I should just speak for myself. For all I know, my fellow patients might be inundated with social invitations. Maybe they bring them on, letting it be known that they would actually LIKE to attend a gallery of friends. Unlike me, that is. I treat potential social gatherings about like I would behave toward to a visit to that proctologist who never trims his fingernails.
Yes, I thought, it's pretty well known among people around me that I am one miserably antisocial dude.
But before I put that reason/excuse to bed in my mind, I started reflecting on the issue a little further.
(Can you tell that I was on treatment and had some time to kill?)
Aside from my sometimes grisly behavior in the company of others, I considered that there may be other reasons why somebody arranging a gala might pass over me specifically and a dialysis patient in general when organizing their guest list.
Perhaps the person might not be familiar enough with our schedules to know whether we'd be on treatment when they were going to hold their party. I mean, we do spend an inordinate amount of time hooked up to our blasted machines, don't we?
Sometimes our lives can feel like they have two stages: Dialysis and getting ready for dialysis. And I think some non-patients think we just live on the machine 24/7.
Then I thought, no, that probably wasn't a valid reason not to include us. Unless you were the guest of honor (highly unlikely in my case), the person holding the get together would probably just schedule it and hope you could attend. (Or, again with me, were busy and would send my socially-adept wife by herself.)
I also wondered whether the fact that we often don't feel good between treatments had anything to do with it.
The host probably wouldn't want an interesting stream of conversation interrupted so one of their guests could go ralph in the back yard.
Nah, that can't be it. Too cold hearted. Only I could come up with that one.
At that point, the light went on.
I knew what it was.
Like many facets of a dialysis patient's woes, it all had to do with the dietary restrictions.
I know, you're all probably thinking, well that's about as hair-brained a theory as I've ever heard.
Well, just wait. I have more.
I know that, when I was in-center and had the full array of foods that I wasn't supposed to eat, I didn't always react well to being around others who could have whatever they wanted. And, of course, I didn't take responsibility for my words or actions, or pass it off to just feeling particularly obnoxious that day. Nope, had to be something going on in the brain chemistry because of all the foods that were restricted.
And, when I considered some of my actions, I thought, well heck, I wouldn't invite me to a party either. Unless I was trying to get even with someone I was mad at on the guest list.
The first time that I became aware that our dietary restrictions could affect others was at a family get together a long long time ago. The host had assembled a nice spread, including burgers, hot dogs, and french fries. I had just started the Big D and to put it mildly, had not yet adjusted to some of my favorite foods that I could no longer consider.
This category included fries, since potatoes are high in potassium, a dialysis dietary no-no.
Now, I should explain just how much I love french fries.
A lot.
If I was to be abandoned on a desert island (a possibility that probably sounded pretty appealing to my host that day), and could only bring along one food, I'd choose crinkle cuts and keep 'em coming.
There have been times since starting dialysis that I would have killed a medium-level friend to be able to have a heaping helping of fries.
So, we were all one big happy family sitting outside around a picnic table, when someone got up to "get some more fries," saying that they were "as good as any fries I've had before."
I thought to myself, "Sure. Go ahead. Get some more fries. Have all the rest. See if I care."
When I looked up, I realized that everyone around the table was staring in my direction. Some were looking at me curiously, as if they were wondering what planet I was from. Others were looking down at their laps uncomfortably.
I looked to my wife for an explanation. Having had a lot of experience with my social catastrophes, she continued eating as if nothing had happened, but whispered under her breath, "You do realize that you said that out loud, right?"
"Huh?" I said.
"About the fries?"
Then I made a weak attempt to salvage the situation. "Ha ha. Just kidding you guys. I uh... I don't even like fries that much. They clog the arteries you know..."
At that point, the wife realized that I was making matters worse and broke in completely changing the subject.
And I realized to my dismay that the guy who went for more fries was eating them about as far away from the table as possible without being arrested for trespassing by a neighbor.
After that, I assumed that my invitation to future family get-togethers would get "lost in the mail," but to my amazement, I still got included.
I guess some people just like living dangerously.
Dialysis patients all know that fluid and food restrictions are put in place for our own good. It's not like whoever came up with the idea of treating kidney failure just had a sick sense of humor. There are a vast array of serious short and long-term consequences for not controlling what we eat.
But that doesn't mean we have to like it.
And, to put it mildly, different patients will react differently to the...ah, shall we call it...adjustment period once we actually have to start following these rules.
Of course, once we've settled into a routine and are able to think about the issue calmly, that is, without considering homicide when someone asks to have their water glass refilled, we can kind of understand the discomfort others might feel being around us. A lot of times, it's just a lack of understanding about what seems to be a bread and (just a little) water diet.
Just the same, my adjustment period was a little rougher than most and you couldn't really have blamed the wife if she wasn't exactly thrilled with the thought of being seen with me in public.
But, give her credit, she still agreed to a casual dinner out during this time frame, although she probably regretted this decision afterward.
It was shortly after I started dialysis and our waiter was a prim and proper sort. A nice young man, but his mien was sending up red flags all over the place for the Mrs.
She knew very well that when someone acts so polite around me that I have a tendency to do or say something vile to see if I can get a reaction out of them.
But I was, at least initially, on my best behavior, keeping in mind her courage for letting me out of the house.
She eyed me warily when he took our drink order, knowing that the strict fluid restriction was a facet of being on dialysis that had lately been bringing on a spate of bad behavior.
But I just pleasantly asked for a glass of water. I could hear my wife exhale audibly with relief.
Then Mr. Goody Two Shoes said, "Would you folks like to start with an appetizer, perhaps our renown potato skins with cheddar cheese?"
I gripped my menu a little tighter. In addition to the potatoes, cheese is loaded with phosphorous, which also needs to be controlled.
"No thanks," my wife broke in quickly. "No appetizer tonight. Thank you."
She said it with such sudden ferocity that the kid walked away still looking at us as if he was questioning our sanity.
We were both pretty quiet in the time it took for him to come back and take our order.
"How are we doing over here?" he asked, still sickly sweet pleasant, but perhaps a tad more reserved when he returned. "Our specialty is our personalized pan pizzas. You can get extra cheese, extra tomato sauce, your choice of toppings - pepperoni, sausage, even anchovies..."
At this point, the wife just put her head in her hands. Remember what I said about french fries? Well, pizza was right up there as well. And, all the toppings he mentioned were high in sodium. And tomato sauce also has a lot of potassium.
"Yes," I said. "Bring me a personalized pan pizza."
"Here we go," said the wife under her breath.
"But, no pepperoni, sausage, or anchovies on mine," I continued. "In fact, you'd better hold the extra cheese. And the extra sauce. In fact, no cheese. No sauce. Oh, and is the crust made with whole wheat? Better not risk it. Better hold the crust too. Right honey?"
The wife was just looking at me like she was thinking about the most painful way she could put me to death.
"Now, that's what I call personalized," I said with a smile, snapping my menu closed.
The kid/waiter was just staring at me agape, unsure of what he should write down.
"Just bring us a couple of burgers, plain, no fries," said the wife. And the kid made a beeline to the kitchen.
Of course, my discomfort with the renal diet has eased some over time. And, on home hemo, the diet restrictions are less oppressive.
Still don't get that many party invitations though.
Hmmm. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Thanks for reading. Take care.
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Hi Bob, I too love French Fries.
There is a way of eating French fries guilty free- well moderation.
Get the shoestring frozen fries preferably with no salt or minimum. Pre- heated toaster oven to 400 F for 10", toss in a large handful of shoestring frozen fries. bake for 10", then in a bowl add 1/2 tsp paprika,
garlic powder and a dash of pepper. take the shoestring fries out of the oven, toss them in the bowl with the seasoning. Put them back in the toaster oven for another 10", and you'll have tasty French Fries!
The garlic powder once toasted will taste like salt. I made them many times. They look like you are eating a lot because they are thin and tasty.
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user82, noahvale, thanks again for reading.
user82, appreciate the recipe. On home hemo, the dreaded dietary restrictions are eased because you do more frequent treatments.
In my case 5 vs. 3 when I was in-center. That's the good news. The bad news is that you do more frequent treatments.
Anyway, I can have my beloved fries on occasion, as long as I don't overdo it. Same with some of my other favorites.
Of course, this is still dependent on the status of your labs, no change there.
Thanks again. Take care.
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BobN: Thanks again for the laughs! For many years I worked at the same office and was considered the "party pooper" because I hated potlucks, refused to participate in the annual "Secret Santa" and never would go out to lunch with co-workers, not even for drinks after work on Fridays. And I'm not on dialysis. My husband on the other hand, always lucked out and would just happen to be on an out-of-town assignment whenever there was a potluck or annual office party scheduled. I didn't know this until after we married, then he 'fessed up. I thought it brilliant of him. He does home-hemo so doesn't have to sneak a baked potato or the fries...his dietician gave her approval.
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Thanks PT.
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Just wanted to say I loved your book. Read it at dialysis this week on my iPad (bought it from nook books at Barnes and Noble). I just wished I had read it prior to starting dialysis. I think the diet and fluid restrictions put a crimp in any party I have to go to. Plus most people party in the evening and I know since I currently work full time and go to dialysis that any free time I get I am probably asleep during.
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Michael, thanks.
You're right about the work aspect. I worked full time for almost six years while on dialysis before retiring. Definitely doesn't put us in a partying mood.
Appreciate the note. Take care.
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Hi Bob, I too love French Fries.
There is a way of eating French fries guilty free- well moderation.
Get the shoestring frozen fries preferably with no salt or minimum. Pre- heated toaster oven to 400 F for 10", toss in a large handful of shoestring frozen fries. bake for 10", then in a bowl add 1/2 tsp paprika,
garlic powder and a dash of pepper. take the shoestring fries out of the oven, toss them in the bowl with the seasoning. Put them back in the toaster oven for another 10", and you'll have tasty French Fries!
The garlic powder once toasted will taste like salt. I made them many times. They look like you are eating a lot because they are thin and tasty.
Another great way to do potatoes (I particularly use this when making mashed potatoes) is through the leaching method. You cut your potatoes into relatively small pieces (I've done cubes if I'm boiling, fries, slices for casseroles and even hasselbeck style so it would be like a baked potato) and soak in a large bowl/pan for at least four hours, changing the water a couple times or over night. I used to keep a bowl of potatoes soaking in the fridge (making sure to change the water at least once a day or they got ucky) for any time I decided I wanted potatoes. I've been allowed to have a little more freedom with potassium now, so I'm not so strict about it (somehow when the restriction was somewhat lifted, the cravings lessened, haha) but phosphorus is still my arch enemy. If anyone finds a way to get the phos out of dairy products (particularly cheese) please let me know, lol!
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If anyone finds a way to get the phos out of dairy products (particularly cheese) please let me know, lol!
You'd think that since they have those cows that make chocolate milk that they could breed cows that can make phosophorous-free cheese! :rofl;