I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: CW on October 27, 2012, 11:17:40 PM
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Hello All,
I have been posting here for a few years and I come and go but it is always a delight to drop by and read a post a little.
I am not looking for a pep talk just need to talk to some other patients I don't really have any to talk to in person.
I started 14 years ago in my early 20's was miserable for years, had a serious change of environment and started doing better, then got a transplant and got into high gear. Started working having fun and being a more active dad.
Now things are looking down I work very hard and serve folks that are nowhere near as disabled as I am (most not all) and listen to them complain about issues that seem like a walk in the park to me but they believe that the world owes them something. I am committed to being a professional so I do not let my personal situation impact my service to them ... if they didn't ask for help I wouldn't have a job doing what I do - so the irony is not lost on me. I mention this because even after busting my ass for 5 years I am still struggling and always have budget issues, frankly it is not fair and I am tired of it.
I am constantly having to fight for everything... decent, safe, legal and fair treatment at my clinic, fair treatment at work - its a job just living and I'm tired of it.
So I am thinking of stopping treatment because I am always tired and miserable and getting sicker by the month I cannot keep this up.
Whaddya think?
Your Kidney brother CW
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I am not on dialysis so my thoughts may not be what you are looking for, but I can understand why you are so fed up with your situation and I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much.
However, in these scenarios, death is often aptly described as a "permanent solution to a temporary problem". Judging only by the bit of information you've given, I would say these all sound like fixable issues - the job wearing you down, clinic difficulties, and hopefully the feeling that you keep getting sicker. I believe these all have solutions, but you have to find the energy and fight to tackle them, which can be overwhelming and seem impossible. Also, I cannot help but notice you are a parent and therefore in my personal opinion your life does not belong to just you anymore, at least until you have ushered that child into adulthood (the exact age is up for interpretation) and discussed this decision with the significant people in your life.
It sounds to me like you are in desperate need of change in several areas of your life right now. For your daughter's sake, I would say you should exhaust every option you can think of before turning to an irreversible solution like stopping dialysis.
Hope this helps a little, or at least gives you food for thought.
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I agree with Cariad. start looking for a new job, find a new clinic and also try to find some new interests. if you stay in the same job, unload on some of the whiners. it may just help them see their own situation n a different perspective.
:flower; :grouphug; :grouphug;
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Dear CW, I can only agree with the posts above. Just starting to look for those solutions will make you feel better. It will, cos it did for me. Making a start is half the work. ;D
Your avitar is just too funny, too sarcastic, and for years I thought it the funniest avitar I had seen since I started losing controle over my body (17). I hope to see it regularly for quite a few years yet. I understand you I think, but try the 'easier' options first. The things you can, at least, try to change.
We are going to be such a loooong time dead.
Take care my darling, and lots of love, and strength Cas
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Maybe it's a cliche but life is a struggle. It was a struggle before I got sick and it's a more daunting struggle now that I'm on dialysis. That's just life. You have to find the small joys that make it all worth it to struggle and endure. Best of luck.
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Very well put Chris.
Maybe it's a cliche but life is a struggle. It was a struggle before I got sick and it's a more daunting struggle now that I'm on dialysis. That's just life. You have to find the small joys that make it all worth it to struggle and endure. Best of luck.
Children can & will make a difference, Im sure!
Also, I cannot help but notice you are a parent and therefore in my personal opinion your life does not belong to just you anymore, at least until you have ushered that child into adulthood (the exact age is up for interpretation) and discussed this decision with the significant people in your life.
It sounds to me like you are in desperate need of change in several areas of your life right now. For your daughter's sake, I would say you should exhaust every option you can think of before turning to an irreversible solution like stopping dialysis.
Hope this helps a little, or at least gives you food for thought.
Im not on Dialysis, but I know of my husbands struggle with life on D. It is never easy!
On the other hand, if this is what you want, then I should support your choice.
God Bless,
lmunchkin :kickstart;
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I am not on dialysis so my thoughts may not be what you are looking for, but I can understand why you are so fed up with your situation and I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much.
However, in these scenarios, death is often aptly described as a "permanent solution to a temporary problem". Judging only by the bit of information you've given, I would say these all sound like fixable issues - the job wearing you down, clinic difficulties, and hopefully the feeling that you keep getting sicker. I believe these all have solutions, but you have to find the energy and fight to tackle them, which can be overwhelming and seem impossible. Also, I cannot help but notice you are a parent and therefore in my personal opinion your life does not belong to just you anymore, at least until you have ushered that child into adulthood (the exact age is up for interpretation) and discussed this decision with the significant people in your life.
It sounds to me like you are in desperate need of change in several areas of your life right now. For your daughter's sake, I would say you should exhaust every option you can think of before turning to an irreversible solution like stopping dialysis.
Hope this helps a little, or at least gives you food for thought.
This is why I love this place.... I ask for opinions and ppl take their personal time and effort o respond... thank you all for your opinions...
Truth is my child is the only reason I have lasted this long I think I would've given up a long time ago... my child is an adult now... not saying she couldn't benefit from having me longer but I feel I have gotten her further than I would have ever thought I could and I have fufilled my official duty of getting her to aduldhood..
I like the perrmanent solution to a temporary problem concept... however my issues have spanned years ... it has never been perfect but I have always fought . Now I'm just tired
I can change clinics but I am fighting for the patients there who cannot or are too afraid to do so... I'm not leaving until the incompetent and dangerous staff are gone. I'm a person that doesn't back down from bullies! I refuse so I will not leave.
I have attempted to find employment but my schedule is hard to justify. I have a strong sense of pride in the fact that I maintain my own health ins. And work very hard.... I have not found any employer that can accommodate me despite the fact that I am a capable, competent and dedicated employee with high moral standards that I comprimise for no one.
Just a little more info for ya! Thx all and patient or not I know you all have valid viewpoints it makes no dif. To me :-)
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CW, I personally understand what you are feeling. It's okay to feel that way because everybody needs somebody. Being on D is not easy and there are days you will have ill feelings. When I start feeling that way, I think of the possitive things in my life. What makes me want to stay alive? I think about the things that God blessed me with and it usually put my mind back on track. I do feel like giving up somedays because I just don't want to do D. There are times I fight with myself but at the end of the day, I'm happy I did D. I feel a lot better and can continue to live my life.
Also, I can understand people complianing about minor things that is just a walk in the park. However, we have to understand that their insecurity as well as D is our insecurity. Nonetheless, you are a strong person and when those negative feelings start to invade your mind, fight them with your positive feelings. Sometimes we have to learn to change the way we think because the mind do play tricks.
Anyhoo, vitamins can help you feel a lot better after D. Look at some overthecounter vitamins that can help and talk to your doctor to see if it's safe. I take overthecounter vitamins and it does wonders. My doctor approve of it. It helped me through D for 14 years.
Anyhoo, hang in there.
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CW, I personally understand what you are feeling. It's okay to feel that way because everybody needs somebody. Being on D is not easy and there are days you will have ill feelings. When I start feeling that way, I think of the possitive things in my life. What makes me want to stay alive? I think about the things that God blessed me with and it usually put my mind back on track. I do feel like giving up somedays because I just don't want to do D. There are times I fight with myself but at the end of the day, I'm happy I did D. I feel a lot better and can continue to live my life.
Also, I can understand people complianing about minor things that is just a walk in the park. However, we have to understand that their insecurity as well as D is our insecurity. Nonetheless, you are a strong person and when those negative feelings start to invade your mind, fight them with your positive feelings. Sometimes we have to learn to change the way we think because the mind do play tricks.
Anyhoo, vitamins can help you feel a lot better after D. Look at some overthecounter vitamins that can help and talk to your doctor to see if it's safe. I take overthecounter vitamins and it does wonders. My doctor approve of it. It helped me through D for 14 years.
Anyhoo, hang in there.
Ok I gotta ask what does cdw in ur screen name stand for? I am originally from brooklyn (bedstuy before it was safe) I started treatment in 1998 at brooklyn hospital (downtown brooklyn on dekalb) I moved to cali approx 7 years ago and never looked back but haven't had a decent slice of pizza since I left! I'm starving... lol and my family says I gotta come back if I want NY food. Appreciate your response you keep ur great additude it will serve you well as you know.... take care!
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Dear CW, I can only agree with the posts above. Just starting to look for those solutions will make you feel better. It will, cos it did for me. Making a start is half the work. ;D
Your avitar is just too funny, too sarcastic, and for years I thought it the funniest avitar I had seen since I started losing controle over my body (17). I hope to see it regularly for quite a few years yet. I understand you I think, but try the 'easier' options first. The things you can, at least, try to change.
We are going to be such a loooong time dead.
Take care my darling, and lots of love, and strength Cas
You like my avatar..... makes me smile thx :2thumbsup;
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Ok I gotta ask what does cdw in ur screen name stand for? I am originally from brooklyn (bedstuy before it was safe) I started treatment in 1998 at brooklyn hospital (downtown brooklyn on dekalb) I moved to cali approx 7 years ago and never looked back but haven't had a decent slice of pizza since I left! I'm starving... lol and my family says I gotta come back if I want NY food. Appreciate your response you keep ur great additude it will serve you well as you know.... take care
CDW is my three birth names. See, that's what's wrong, you're home sick. I am very much familiar with brooklyn hospital (born there) and dekalb avenue. I live in Canarise now. I lived in Flatbush when I started D. No pizza like Brooklyn pizza and you know that! ;D Anyhoo, I have to stay positive otherwise I will not beat this D.